I ran into my room and slammed the door home behind me. Angry, I threw my backpack across the room, and watched it hit the wall and slide down. Walking slowly over to my bed, I sat down on the edge and tried to force myself to breathe.
"Just breathe," I muttered to myself. Count to ten or something. I lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Was there something wrong with me? I mean, I thought we'd had a good time last night until my mother ruined it for me. Oh God!
I sat up as a smashing pain drove through me. Did he really think I was like my mother? My worst fears were confirmed and I felt like dying. How could he possibly think of me like that? Anger rushed through my veins and I found myself wanting to break something.
I stood and began pacing in my small room. If he honestly thought that I was like my mother, then he was sadly mistaken! I fumed to myself. After more than half a year together, he seriously thinks that I'm like that? What planet was he on during class? I was on the planet Earth, of that I was certain. But him, not so much, I think.
I was the furthest thing from my mother. I was fat, she was somewhat skinny. She had sex with anything that resembled a human, and I was a virgin. She'd had me and I was two by the time she was my age. She did drugs and I thought, but couldn't be sure, but prostituted to get the money. I was NOTHING like that. But more than anything, she was my mother.
And once upon a time, she'd been a good mom, doing anything and everything for me. Until my ex-stepfather had introduced her to Ice. I felt my fists clutch at my sides. That bastard ruined my mom for me and society. Not for the first time, I wished he was out of jail so I could kill him with my bare hands. The stupid bastard.
I shook my head. I was getting off the topic. I was nothing like my mom. I loved her unconditionally, and always would, but I was nothing like her. I was the complete opposite. How could he think I was anything like her?
Tears threatened to fall, and I looked around desperately. No tissues. Damn it. "FUCK!!" I screamed, wholeheartedly and fell onto my bed. Clutching my pillow to my face, I cried into it as I had so many times. I was so wrong about him. He wasn't the person I thought he was. I thought he liked me for me. I guess not.
And that was what hurt the worst. That I had but my trust into him and he pushed it away like that. All that talk about being his girlfriend? I sighed. And those delicious kisses of his. I felt and involuntary shudder slide down my spine. Man, could he kiss.
I laughed sarcastically. What the fuck was wrong with me? I wanted to hit myself in the head and tell myself what a tard I was for even thinking he could be serious about me. Jesus, what kind of an idiot was I?
The seventeen year old kind, a voice said inside me. I knew right then and there I was sooo done.
I stood up, forcing myself, and wiped my face clean. Taking a deep breath, I picked up the backpack, and left my room. I glanced in my moms room to see her passed out with a bottle of HRD next to her on the bed. I shook my head and left the house, locking up as I left.
I walked slowly, taking in the chill of the spring air and trying to refocus myself. I was going to be okay. I really was. I never needed a guy before, and I was hell bent on not needing one now. Who cared that I had a crush on him from day one. It was only a crush and crushes were named crushes for a reason. Because when they were over, you were crushed.
I rounded the corner, and looked up to see a car nearly speed past me heading the opposite direction. I only caught the tail end of the car, and it looked like Sam's. I shook my head, and forced myself to walk faster.
I was not going to think about this anymore.
~~~~~
Sam turned the corner and slammed on the breaks. Was that Emma? He did a U-Turn in the middle of the street and turned back to where she had been. He saw her now. She was walking with her backpack on. She was fiddling with her fingers. He'd noticed she did that when she was nervous.
Why was she nervous?
