Flower Girl

Antonio helped Tracy with the bouquet and center pieces she was making for Saturday's wedding. It wasn't a big enough job to warrant calling in "Antonio's Harem", made of up his wife and her sisters, but it was a big enough task to keep him and Tracy busy for several hours. Antonio caught on that Tracy must have a boyfriend because of the giant smile that spread across her face every time she looked at her phone.

She was unusually quiet, humming to herself as she stuck the stems of day lilies into a foam base. "These lilies are extremely potent!" Tracy commented. Antonio didn't think so, but he didn't argue with her. "I don't think I have ever smelt a stronger lily," she went on. Antonio could smell them without putting his nose close, but that was always the case with day lilies. "This is why I never use these lilies for Mrs. Hillson, who by the way, needs another center piece this weekend!"

"How's the new guy working out?"

"Oh, I think he's going to be great! He was really interested in my resin jewelry and asked if he can make something himself."

"You said okay?"

"Of course! I am curious to see what he does. He's an artist, you know. I found him at my old school, recommended by my professor."

Antonio took the lilies from her hand and handed her the roses. "Does he know flowers?"

"Not yet, but he's motivated and a quick learner."

Tracy stopped placing roses and sat down with one hand on her stomach. Had she eaten anything unusual that day? No - just oatmeal and a banana, her typical fare. She did have sushi with William the previous evening. She took a bagel from her lunch box to see if that would help settle her stomach.

After finishing up the arrangements, Antonio said goodbye and Tracy got to work on the computer, setting up delivery for the flowers and sending the bride and her mother confirmation emails with photos. She couldn't decide if she was still hungry or queasy, but then a video call from Beth came in. She gave Beth the update on William, the new intern, and how Nana was doing. Beth told her about Charlie and his new tooth that was keeping them both awake at night.

After hanging up and processing a few online orders, it was close to six and Tracy felt like she might be ill, so she texted William before she left Petals, "Feeling kind of sick. Are you okay?"

As she gathered her belongings and shut down her computer, William called.

"Oh, what a pleasant surprise. I thought you'd be busy." Tracy answered.

"Never too busy for you. I am sorry to hear you are not feeling well. What's wrong?"

"My stomach is bothering me a bit. Are you okay?"

"Yes, I feel great."

"It must just be me, then. Probably caught a virus from a customer or something."

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?"

Tracy smiled. "Oh, I am not too sick to have naughty thoughts about you, Mr. More." She laughed. "There is plenty you can do for me, but I will save those suggestions for tomorrow."

William laughed and replied, "Well my offer is good tomorrow, too. Or any day after that, Kitten."

Tracy sighed softly into the phone, "Well, I guess I better just go home and take it easy."

"That sounds like a good idea. Will you call me later?" William asked. "I don't want to wake you if you are sleeping."

"You are so sweet. Okay, I will call you later. Bye-bye."

"Goodbye. Feel better."

* * * * *

The next morning, Tracy sat at her desk in stunned silence. She shook her head in disbelief, called Beth, got her answering machine, and had to resort to a text saying "Call me as soon as you can!" She sat immobile behind the counter at Petals and didn't even bother checking her email or her phone, just stared straight ahead waiting for Beth. She remained frozen, not really sure how much time passed, but then Beth showed up on a video call. "What's going on?"

Tracy didn't answer. Instead she held up the pregnancy test so that Beth could see it. Both women stared and neither spoke. Tracy let out a big exhale and said, "So much for the IUD. It must have come out. Remember how I had that really horrible period after I had it put in?"

"I don't . Sorry."

"Well..." Tracy didn't know what to say.

"Have you told him?"

"No," Tracy said firmly, then her voice cracked as she said, "No, no, no, oh my god, I can't believe I have to ..." and then she started crying.

Beth put her own face in her hands because it hurt to see her twin cry when she couldn't hug her over the computer. They sat quietly for a few minutes, Tracy silent, but crying and periodically shrugging her shoulders until she could finally speak, "I felt sick yesterday. I thought it was just something I ate or maybe the flu, but I never actually threw up. This morning I still felt the same way, and on the way to work I decided to just stop and get a test to rule that out. I thought I would just clear my mind and make sure. Beth, I never expected it to be positive!"

"Do you think you should take another, just to be sure?" Beth was grasping at straws.

"There were two in the pack! I didn't even have to wait for it to change, as soon as I peed on it, the cross came up instantly."

Beth took a deep breath herself and said, "I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything, Beth. Just... don't tell anyone, okay? Not even Mark. Promise?"

"You know I won't. I never told him last time."

Tracy paused before saying, "I don't know if I can do that again, Beth."

"Well...you don't need to decide today. You need to just sit with this for a while and ...talk to William..."

Beth watched as Tracy dropped her head back and made an audible groan. Just then a customer walked into Petals and Tracy said, "I'll call you later," and hung up.

* * * * *

William looked around his apartment and decided to leave it just the way it was. In the past, he used to mess up his apartment before someone came over to give it a more lived in look, much the same way most people straightened up their homes when guests were expected. William did not want to draw attention to his orderliness, but he had made the decision to be completely authentic with Tracy. He discovered it was easy with her, and smiled at the memory of lunch with her grandmother as he realized being non-judgmental must be a family trait. Perhaps tonight he would tell Tracy about his own family. Speaking of which, his sister had left a rather urgent sounding message, so William decided to call Kate before Tracy arrived.

Kate was having some issues and needed to talk, so when he heard Tracy rap on the door, he asked her to just hold on for a minute and went to answer.

"Hey Kitten," he greeted Tracy with a kiss at the door, "I'm talking to my sister. Do you mind?"

"Oh, of course not. Take your time!" Tracy whispered and gestured to the book in her hand and took a seat on the couch.

William went back to the phone and said, "Okay, go on. Yes, Tracy just arrived. No, she is comfortable, go on." William smiled at Tracy admiring her long legs crossed on his couch. It was the first time he had seen Tracy wearing shorts and he was getting an eyeful of leg as she had her nose in a book.

"Oh, really? Oh no, that is awful. I'm sorry, Kate...Well yes, exactly...mmm, hmmm."

Tracy had a foot bouncing up and down as she was reading and William saw that she was wearing her anklet today. He wanted to touch it, but knew he'd better finish the phone call first.

"Really? Well, of course...Yes , that is just one of the many reasons I will never have children. ...I know, I know. Well, no I have not changed my mind. Why would I? Those facts remain."

William tried to catch Tracy's eye to let her know he was almost done on the phone, but she didn't look up. He assumed it was a very captivating novel.

"Well, maybe Thanksgiving or Christmas, but definitely not both!...Okay, we'll talk about it...yes, I want you to meet her too. Okay, we will...you too. And give my regards to Frank."

William hung up the phone and expected Tracy to look up, but her nose was still in her book. He decided to sit at her feet and have a closer look at that anklet. With Tracy's ankle firmly in his grip, he began kissing the inside, planning to work all the way up. He looked up at Tracy and expected to see her sexy grin as she tried to ignore his affection, but instead he saw that she wore a pained expression and even had tears in her eyes. William immediately stopped and asked, "What's wrong?"

Tracy shook her head and said, "I'm not feeling well William. I'm sorry. My stomach has been bothering me."

"Oh, why didn't you say so? I would have come to your place!"

"Well, it comes and goes and I thought I was doing better." Tracy was still looking at her book and not at him, but William could see her eyes were full of tears that had not spilled over. He sat next to her and took her in his arms and she rested her head on his chest and he could tell by the way her shoulders moved that she was crying. He stroked her hair gently until Tracy excused herself to the bathroom, where she remained for six minutes. When she returned, she looked fine but said she felt horrible.

"I think I'd better just go home, William."

"You can stay here. I'll take care of you."

"I think I would be more comfortable in my own bed," she answered.

William paused before saying, "Well then, I will escort you home."

"No, no, no, you don't need to do that William. Really, I don't want you to see me get sick or anything. We have not known each other all that long."

William felt a sting at the comment, for he thought that they both felt the length of time was transcended by the comfort they felt in each other's presence. But he shrugged it off and attributed it to Tracy feeling ill. She wanted to be strong and independent, but needn't be. "Well, allow me to at least get you a cab. I can't bear the thought of you taking the subway in your condition."

Tracy winced, and then agreed.

William walked Tracy downstairs when the cab arrived and insisted on paying the driver, and then asked Tracy to call him when she got home. "Mind if I just text if I don't feel like talking?"

"Of course not."

He felt helpless as he watched the cab drive away, Tracy's head in the back seat not turning to see him wave good bye.

* * * * *

William sat at a table with a beer in front of him waiting for John to show up. He checked his phone, but still no reply from Tracy, just one from John stating "five minutes". He waited patiently and did not touch his beer until John finally burst through the door and slid into the booth across from him.

"Whew. What a day. But a good one! How are you, my friend? I see you already have a drink," a cocktail waitress appeared to take John's order. "So how's everything?"

"Everything's good," William replied, "Oh, except Kate is having some issues with her pregnancy. She should be fine, but is put on bed rest, pretty difficult with a toddler about. She said to tell you 'hello', by the way."

John's face turned earnest as he said, "It is unfortunate that she can't expect any help from your mother."

"Yes, well...Frank's mother is very helpful to her. How are you anyway?"

"Very good. I am going to London on business, so I won't be around next week."

"Ah, you do love London."

"I do," John agreed, pausing to nod to the waitress as she put his drink on the table, "how are things with Tracy?"

"Um, good. I mean, it was going extremely well, but she is sick right now so I have barely heard from her these past two days. Some kind of stomach virus, I guess, but she has not been as eager to see me lately."

"Well of course not, William. Nausea? Diarrhea? Not sexy."

William smiled, feeling reassured. "Well we did have another amazing weekend. She wanted to go to an art opening-a friend of hers from school was having a show. You should have seen her, John! She wore a red dress that zipped up the back instead of down. The whole night I starred at that zipper, wondering if it would work its way up higher. In fact, that zipper had more than a few men in a frenzy," William laughed at the memory, "and there were a few women there who know me from the library, including Patricia. Do you remember Patricia?"

"I am not quick to forget a woman who wears leather boots up to her thighs."

"Damn, I loved those boots," William sighed and John laughed.

"But not Patricia," John remembered.

"No. She makes a great first impression, but... Patricia was extremely forward, as usual, and very touchy. But Tracy...well, it was quite refreshing to be with a woman who is so confident. Instead of becoming jealous or insecure, she simply watched with a grin on her face until she had seen enough, then she came over and was so witty and charming that it wasn't long until Patricia was flirting with Tracy and I became the wallflower!" William laughed.

"That's hot," John said.

"Yes, it was. And Tracy was...well, the whole evening had her in quite a state. She works a room and flirts like mad, but then makes it perfectly clear that we belong to each other and ...well, it felt like hours of foreplay."

"Damn, you are one lucky man. Does she have any friends?"

"I told her about your dilemma and she mentioned that she met a woman in her writers group who you will certainly find pleasing to the eyes. She is single and intelligent and does not have the characteristics of a gold digger. She is a teacher, English, in fact."

"A naughty teacher I hope."

"One can hope, John." William laughed again. His mood had certainly lifted since meeting with John. He needed a laugh. He missed Tracy, but it wasn't just that she was sick. Her last few texts and emails had been very brief. He really hoped she would feel more like herself soon.

* * * * *

Tracy filled her orders and straightened up the shop, sweeping, then mopping, then checking her email again. She had made up her mind, but she was not at peace with her decision. Instead, she distracted herself and stayed busy with work, even making jewelry in her spare time, but the smell of the resin made her nauseous.

Beth video called as she promised, as soon as she got Charlie to sleep.

"Traaaaaay - Ceeeeee!" she squealed into the screen, being more jolly and cheerful than the situation called for. "How are you feeling today?"

"Eh. You were right about the crackers. That helps."

"Well? You said you made up your mind?"

"Yes. I am having the baby."

Beth nodded and starred back at her twin, allowing her to go on.

"I mean, I just can't go through that again. I can't justify it. Every time I see a six year old child I think, I wonder what my child would have been like ... and I just feel different this time Beth. I can't explain it."

"You don't have to explain to anyone Tracy. This is your choice." Beth emphasized the word 'choice'.

"Yes, well...I suppose it sounds incredibly irresponsible of me, bringing a child into the world without a partner, but...I would not have planned it this way, but I know I can do it."

"Yes, I know you can too. With Nana's help and more help in the shop. Of course you can, Tracy. It won't be easy, but you can do it."

"Yeah...hey, can I see Charlie?"

"In a minute. We need to talk about William."

Tracy made a face like she was irritated to cover her sadness.

"You have to tell him."

"Actually, I don't, Beth. I don't see any reason why I have to tell him."

"Because he has a right to know and because it's the right thing to do."

"Yeah? Then what? He doesn't want kids, Beth. So what happens next? He goes along with it but resents me? Or he gets pissed and doesn't want anything to do with me? Either way, I lose. But I don't need his help and I don't see any reason to tell him."

"So you are going to break up with him and not tell him the truth?"

"Oh, I'm going to tell him the truth. We are incompatible. And he won't know or ever have to feel responsible for this baby."

"But he is responsible, Tracy. You are having his baby. Besides, don't you miss him?"

Tracy didn't answer. Instead she looked up at the ceiling so she wouldn't cry, but she couldn't stop the tears from coming. She grabbed a tissue and dabbed her eyes and took a breath. "It doesn't matter, Beth. He doesn't want kids and I do, so we were doomed anyway."

Beth sat quietly, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry Tracy."

Tracy sniffed, wiped her nose and nodded at the screen.

Beth went on, "But ... well, now Charlie will have a cousin. And you are going to be a great mom and..."

Tracy nodded through her tears. It was a bittersweet concession.

* * * * *

The pain was physical. William felt like he had been stabbed in the chest and he was hyperventilating. He paced around the room, before rereading the email. He had been so happy to see her name in his inbox, little did he suspect that she would deliver such a swift blow:

Hi William,

I know you are probably wondering why I seemed so distant these past few days. I should be having this conversation in person, but I have my reasons. I can't deny the physical chemistry between us, and I am sure that would be a huge factor in my ability to tell you what I need to say. So I have to write it.

It has become obvious to me that we are incompatible. I know you might wonder why I think this or how I know, and you just have to trust me on this, William. I do know. And I don't like it and it hurts like hell, but I know.

I don't know what else to say, except I really am sure about this and I am going to ask that you respect my wishes and don't contact me. I do find you irresistible, but I don't want to feel worse pain later.

Tracy

William couldn't breathe. He couldn't think straight. He texted John, "Can you come over?"

John didn't ask why, but texted back "Thirty minutes."

William went into his spare room and paced. How could she? Why did she? Fuck, he did not see this coming. Perhaps if they were fighting, if things went on for a while...it didn't make any sense. William gasped, realizing he had not been breathing. He jumped on the treadmill and started counting his steps. By the time John knocked on the door, William had counted six-thousand and forty paces and his heart was broken.

John showed up with a baseball glove and William took his own out of the closet and followed him back into the spare room. William had two marks on the floor that were 127' apart, the distance between third and first base, but he liked to start in the middle of the room until his arm warmed up.

"This is the real reason you bought this place, isn't it?" John joked, attempting to lighten the mood, but William did not respond. John decided to just return the ball and wait until William was ready to speak. William was counting his throws and when he reached twenty, he paused and quoted the email he had memorized to John. Then he threw the ball again. William had backed up almost to the mark by this time and his throws were coming hard and fast.

John didn't count the throws, just caught and returned them, although he could not match William's velocity. The two men were silent and William was distraught. He focused on making each throw hard, fast, and accurate.

Finally, William stopped and walked towards John. "Thank you for coming over. That helped. I know you are busy and I appreciate you taking the time."

"That's it? Don't you want to talk about this?"

"I don't know. Is there anything to talk about?"

"Well...yes. First of all, do you know anything you aren't telling me, or were you completely broadsided by that email?"

William scratched his beard and thought for a moment, trying to attempt an honest appraisal. "Broadsided."

John nodded, thoughtfully, "Women are a mystery, aren't they? Well, I don't know what your plans are, but I think you should talk to her."