Laid off.. I could still hear the words ringing in my ears. I just couldn't believe it. 35 years old, no career, no prospects in site. I don't know why I thought my husband would be more comforting. It wasn't in his nature to nurture me, console me, why should this be any different? Once again, I would find my way through this on my own.
The weeks turned into months, slowly at first, but soon enough, I was adjusting to being a housewife. No more did I need the rush of the stock market to make me happy, I was content being home, taking care of the house, seeing to my husbands needs, his wants. But, his wants and needs didn't ever seem to include me. All he seemed to need to be happy was to know someone was cooking dinner, someone would make sure the laundry was done, and that someone handled "things" for him.
I needed more, I always had, but I had never done anything about finding it. I needed to be held, to be kissed again. Not those little pecks on the cheek as he's running out the door, but a real kiss, soft, passionate, intense. I needed to feel hands on my body, exploring me, stroking my skin. I needed his voice in my ear, telling me how much he wanted me, even after all these years.
I tried asking him, tried talking about it, he just didn't understand.
"I like things the way they are Lisa...why do we need to change things?"
He had rejected me so many times, pushed me aside, told me...
"Later honey, I'm tired, its been a shitty day today."
I knew it was wrong, but I had to find the love and attention, the passion I needed so much, and if he couldn't give it to me, then I needed to find it elsewhere.
It started simply enough. I found a website, designed specifically for erotic, discreet encounters. He didn't pay the bills, he would never see the charge on the credit card, what the hell, "I'm going to do this" I said out loud, and I signed up.
I set up a profile for myself, being very specific about what I wanted, what I was needing, and about how discreet I needed to be. I didn't want to end my marriage, but I needed something more, I needed the fire back in my life. I took a picture with my webcam, careful not to show my face. I arched my back seductively, tossed my head back, and pushed my chest high up into the air, so the sheer fabric of my white lace bra could truly be seen.
"There" I said, "that should get someone's attention."
I clicked to send the profile off to be approved, and waited the 24 hours it took to be uploaded. I felt like I was on pins and needles the whole time.
Never in a million years did I expect the reaction that came from that simple profile. The first day I had over 20 responses. The second, over 40, and by the end of the first week, I had heard from over 200 men, all who lived within 100 miles of me. I was over whelmed. Most of them were very similiar....
"Hey baby, I can cure what's ailing you, I will lick your pussy for hours, and make you scream my name"
Sure ya can buddy I thought to myself. I was polite to each and every one of them, always being sure to reply with a "thanks, but no thanks" response.
Out of the 200, there were 2 or 3 that actually seemed sane, or they could at least spell, and didn't go on for hours about their amazing sexual skills. To those few, I replied with my email address, and encouraged another response.
The first to get my attention was David. We emailed back and forth a dozen times a day, called each other at least that often. He wasn't married, but he lived with someone, and he felt exactly the same way I did, just ask him. We had the same taste in music, same views on life, politics, etc. Of course he was telling the truth. Why in the hell would a man on the internet lie to a lonely, horny married woman who obviously wants sex? What could he possible hope to gain from THAT?
Being the naive, trusting woman I am, of course I met him within a week. Of course I believed every word he said, and of course I slept with him, right there, on the beach, under the blankets he had brought with him. Of course the very next day he was so busy he didn't have time to email me except for one time. I was crushed, I had been totally taken in. "That's it" I said to myself never again, and I meant it, until Dale.
Dale had emailed me a few times, I had given him my home email, and we had even chatted in instant messenger. He knew I was meeting David, and he knew I was pretty much unavailable..But we still talked almost everyday online. He was so funny, so sweet, he just made me feel good.