Finding My Sexual Rebirth

My Sexual Rebirth

I have just woken up and, as usual, I feel awful. My head aches, my mouth is dry, my body aches all over and I need a pee. I stagger out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom. As usual my pee is almost dark orange as I am very dehydrated, the result of too much alcohol and not enough water. When I finish peeing, I look in the mirror and am horrified at my appearance. My skin is dry with a grey pallor, my face is beginning to grow wrinkles and my hair looks like straw. Looking further down my body I am growing around the waist and the skin is beginning to hang. In short, I am a mess, and I am getting worse. If I carry on like this, I shall probably die at a very young age. But it was not always like this. Just six months ago I was a very happy, fit and ambitious young man with a gorgeous wife and the world was at our feet. Now, just six months later it has all changed, following the Jennifer's death, which I cry over and mourn every day.

Jennifer was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer and within three months she was dead. The diagnosis hit both of us very hard and, whilst she has died, I am still alive and missing her every day. She was my best friend, my future and my life, and now without her I am not functioning properly on any level. I am working nonstop, drinking too much alcohol and not enough water, not eating properly and am almost a recluse. And I know I must change. So today, after seeing myself in the mirror, I vow to start the change process to get back to a place where I know Jennifer would be proud of me and I can begin to do her life and our short time together justice. But where do I start? That question stayed with me for much of the day until I remembered something that we had both said we should do at some time. That was to follow up on the brief experience Jennifer had had with Indian therapies before we knew each other and were married. These therapies were something she was very interested in but had never been able to get to learn fully about. So, when I got home from work, on time and without going to the pub for the first time I could remember, I pulled out one of her old address books to look up the details of an Indian Therapy clinic she knew of in the UK. I found what I was looking for but saw that it was quite old and wondered if it still existed. After I had something to eat, I decided that I would go online to find out.

I searched for Indian Therapy Clinics and a whole pile of options appeared. I didn't really know what I was looking for so scanned the first ten hits, but whilst nothing interested me, it did tell me what I was not seeking. After checking out another twenty or so I had listed five potential places that were not too far away but, outrageously expensive. I then e mailed each of them asking if they had any vacancies for two weeks' time and what the cost would be, signing off as James Mason. By the time I had done this it was nearly ten o'clock and I had not touched any alcohol, so I decided to shower and go to bed. I went to the bathroom, undressed and turned on the shower, stepping in as soon as the water was up to temperature. I was pleased with my day, no late night, no booze and the first step into my changed future. Once I finished the shower, I dried off, cleaned my teeth and went to bed. I always slept naked, something that both Jennifer and I had always done, but soon found I could not sleep. As I lay there then inevitably my thoughts turned to Jennifer and the day, she died which was all I had focused on for the last six months. Inevitably, I started to feel depressed and hard done-by, so, somehow, I knew I had to change that focus. So, I tried to remember the first time that we had sex. At first it was hard to lose the negative images but slowly I was able to change my focus to that good time we shared, and I was able to replay the experience in my mind.

We had been out in the countryside for the day and got back to my flat after picking up a meal at our favourite Chinese takeaway. During the meal we spoke of our future together and I asked her to marry me. She said she would, and I took her in my arms for a celebratory kiss. We both enjoyed the kissing, and we were soon exploring each other's mouths with our tongues. I was holding her head in my hand and with the other holding her close to me so that our bodies were melded together. I could feel her breasts pressing against my chest with her hard nipples like little daggers on my chest. My penis was already erect, and it was lodged between her legs as she rubbed herself against it. She slipped gently from my arms and started to undo the buttons of my shirt, saying "I want you naked, then I shall get naked, and we will make love." Once my shirt was undone, she lifted it from my waist and took it off. Then she told me to sit down and pulled off my shoes and socks. Next, I was told to stand up and she started to undo my belt, followed by my trousers which she dropped down my legs leaving me just in my pants which were tented around my penis. Jennifer then knelt and slipped her fingers in the band of my pants and slowly pulled them down as my penis jumped forward and hit her on her chin. She took hold of my penis and slipped the head between her lips pushing back the foreskin as it disappeared into her mouth. As my foreskin retreated so her warm mouth and saliva enveloped the head and I let out a deep sigh as she sucked it deep to the back of her mouth. She then let it slowly slip out and she began to alternate licking the ridge under the head and sucking me back into her mouth. It felt amazing and, whilst other girls had taken me into their mouth, this was the best experience I had ever had, and I told her so. I also asked her to slow down otherwise I would come so she released me saying "You better not I want you inside me and you need to undress me first," as she got to her feet.

I did not need a second invitation, so I lifted the shirt she was wearing over her head and dropped it to the floor. Then I undid her skirt and dropped that as she kicked off her shoes leaving her in just her bra and pants. I stood back and admired her body before reaching around to undo her bra and as I did so I once again could feel her nipples digging into my chest. As I released her bra, I could feel the weight of her breasts as I removed it, and I cupped each breast in my hands and rubbed her nipples with each thumb. She reacted immediately with the shudder that seemed to go right down the length of her body. I continued to move my hands to her pants and pulled them off her hips and down her legs and she stepped out of them. I was in awe of her body, her breasts, her flat belly, shapely legs and most of all her pubic mound, with her ginger hair, that protruded further than that of any other woman I had ever seen. I knelt in front of her to better appreciate her womanly features and was pleased to see her pink inner labia protruding from her vagina and so I dipped my tongue into her and was pleased to find that she was already quite wet, and her taste was incredible. I sucked on her labia and then slipped my tongue up her slit to feast on her protruding clitoris which made her sigh and pull slightly away saying, "please be gentle it is very tender." Taking her at her word I stood up and kissed her letting her taste herself on my lips and tongue and then scooped her up to take her to my bed.

Laying her on my bed I took each nipple in turn into my mouth whilst exploring between her legs with my fingers slipping first two fingers and then three inside her as she opened her legs to give me full access. Her vagina felt just heavenly as my fingers slid through her folds until I could feel her g spot which I slowly rubbed taking care not to press too hard. By now Jennifer was squirming under me as she reached to take hold of and rub my penis going from the head to the base making me even harder. "Please come into me" pleaded Jennifer, "I need you to fuck me, and I am on the pill," so I moved across her body to between her legs. She grasped my penis and moved it to her vagina rubbing it up and down her lips and then raised her hips and invited me in. I moved forward and as soon as it touched her, I could feel her suck me deep inside. We both started to move, me back and forth and her squeezing her muscles to hold me in. I thrust harder and she returned it with an even tighter grip on my penis and I could see that she was close to coming. A few more thrusts and her orgasm hit hard, her muscles clamped tight, and I was held in place. As she continued to hold me, I could feel my sperm rising in my penis and I erupted shooting right into the depths of her vagina. We were both spent and just lie in each other's arms as we came down from our orgasmic highs and my penis slowly shrank inside of her. Eventually I pulled out and lay beside her, both of us sated in our lovemaking. Jennifer cuddled into my side and we both fell asleep.

I awoke with a start realising that I had been dreaming and reality slowly kicked back in. Jennifer was dead and I had to reboot my life and what better way to start than to relive our first sexual encounter which I was now aiming to keep at the front of my mind and use it as the stimulus for my future. I went back to sleep until morning when I went to work with w renewed desire to kickstart my life.

That night when I got home from work, not having stayed late nor gone to the pub on the way, I checked my e mails for responses to my requests of yesterday. There were three which answered the questions I had raised and linked to websites. Two were not able to help me but the third caught my interest. It was from Angela of The Indian Country Retreat. Angela explained that she had recently taken over the Retreat from her mother who had retired and that it was currently being upgraded. She explained that when complete it would accommodate up to six guests at any one time providing a full range of facilities and treatments. She went on to say that the upgrades would be completed by the end of the following week, but it would be four weeks before it would fully reopen allowing two weeks for staff training. She did however say that she would be able to accommodate me as a lone guest the week after next as a prelude to reopening to give her the opportunity to check everything out before the staff training started. She also said that the full catering facilities would not be ready but, if I was prepared to be the "guinea pig" for a week she would charge me just a notional fee of four hundred pounds. Angela went on to say that my stay would be overseen by a fully qualified fully trained Doctor. Having read her e mail, I went to the website and checked it out. It clearly had not yet been updated with the information Angela had given me as it stated that the facility was undergoing upgrade, but it was well presented and had received very good reviews on TripAdvisor. I was able to see that it was located near to Bath which was an easy car drive for me. So, encouraged by what I had read I replied saying that I would like to take up the offer. Angela replied within the hour saying she was delighted and that she would send me a questionnaire to complete and, nearer my arrival date, some other information about Indian therapies in general and my visit in particular. She also asked me to pay the agreed fee prior to arriving and I replied that I was looking forward to arriving and that I would transfer the money to her bank account when she gave me the details.

I went to bed that night slightly on edge due to what I had just agreed to but happy in the hope that it would be the start of my new future.

The following day I arranged for the time off from work and when I got home searched my e mail account for the questionnaire, which had arrived. I did myself a microwave curry and after eating, opened it up. The covering e mail from Angela said that the questionnaire was quite long and that I should try to complete all of it as truthfully as possible, so I started. The first section was straight forward asking name, address and all that type of thing. It then asked about my medical history which again was easy as I had not really had any illnesses or hospital issues. The third section began to get harder asking me about my lifestyle and I decided that, to get the most out of the week, I would tell the truth. So, I set it all out, the hard lifestyle of the last six months, the alcohol, poor diet, long hours and lack of exercise and it did not make comfortable reading. The last section asked why I was attending the Retreat and what I wanted to get out of it. Initially I was not sure that I wanted to set all my issues out to Angela but then I decided that I should and so I explained about Jennifer's death and my reaction to it which explained my lifestyle of the last six months. I also said that I had decided to get my life back on track and the visit to the Retreat was the first step. By the time I finished the questionnaire it was nearly 22.00 hours, so I sent it off to Angela and then went to bed. As I lay in bed, I was surprised that I felt better just from having to review my lifestyle and explaining what I wanted to achieve. That night for the first time in a long time I slept well and felt refreshed when I got up the next morning. When I checked my e mails Angela had replied saying she had received the questionnaire which she would go through.

A week later I received another e mail from Angela thanking me for being so honest in completing the questionnaire and attaching some information about the therapies generally and the regime at the Retreat. Angela also said that she was looking forward to meeting me and suggested I arrive at 14.30 hours and giving me travel directions. I read the general information, a little of which I knew and all of which I found very interesting. I decided to leave the Retreat regime data until the night before I was due to arrive so that it would be fresh in my mind.

A few days later when I got home from work, I started to read. Firstly, I read the suggested clothing list which was mainly casual clothes, shorts and t shirts, swimming trunks and the usual shaving and similar requirements. It said that my room would be fully equipped with towels, robe etc and that everything for all treatments would be provided. The next document was the daily routine which started with breakfast at 07.30, a first treatment at 10.00foloowed by time for walking, swimming and exercise, lunch (stressing that this was the main meal of the day) at 12.30, a rest period from 14.00, a second treatment at 16.00, an early evening light meal at 18.00 and a review at 20.00. The third document informed me that amongst the facilities available were my en suite room, 4 general treatment rooms and 2 specialist rooms, an indoor swimming pool, a sauna, a steam room and a general lounge. It also stated that there was no alcohol permitted on the premises. The fourth document informed me that at 09.00 on my first and forth mornings there would be a meeting with my physician, the first to assess my dosha and to set out my treatment plan and the second to review my progress and modify the plan, if appropriate. Finally, the last document was an explanation about the Indian dosha's and how these would govern the treatments I received and, to a small degree my diet whilst at the Retreat. Having read all of these I went to bed early looking forward to the next day and coming week.

I had a pleasant, relaxing journey the next day and arrived at the Retreat just after the suggested time. The property was set back from the road and the drive up to it opened out to a large country house that appeared to be in good repair. I parked my car in the designated place and then entered the reception area. As I did so I heard a bell ring and moments later a young lady greeted me saying, "Good afternoon, my name is Angela, you must be James, welcome to the Indian Country Retreat. I am very pleased that you accepted my offer and happy to confirm that I am just about ready for you. As I explained we are not fully open for another two weeks and I appreciate you taking up my offer to come here early as my guinea pig, so I hope you have an enjoyable time."

I replied "Thankyou Angela I am really looking forward to the next week and pleased to be able to help you to test out the Retreat. I have never experienced anything like this before and have great hopes that it will help me to move forward with my life."

"I am sure we shall be able to do that, let me show you to your room and then I shall give you a tour. You are on the first floor with a great view over the river and hills beyond, follow me."

Angela led me to my room where she showed me the view and bathroom and then onto two adjacent rooms and then back to the ground floor. As we walked, she said "I hope you have read the information I sent to you about the regime and facilities and would like to add that as you are the only guest you are welcome to go wherever you wish within the house and grounds. This is the way to the treatment rooms, pool, gym, sauna and steam room." We walked through the reception area passing the restaurant and sitting room and through a door which led to an anteroom in which there were two doors, one marked Treatment Rooms and the other Pool and Recreation.

As we entered the pool area Angela said "you are free to use this at any time and you can either change in your room or there is a changing room here. The gym is through that door over in the corner." She then led me out of the pool area through the anteroom and into the Treatment area and opened a door. "We have four general treatment rooms for massage and two specialist rooms. The specialist rooms are for specific types of massage such as Pizzichilli. Finally, there are the sauna and steam room, both of which you may use at any time, but please let me know in advance so that they are switched on for you. I hope all of that made sense but do not worry if it did not as I shall be around for the duration of your stay."

"Thanks for showing me around it all looks very good and, if it is ok, I think I shall have a swim to get over the journey and then a sauna if you would switch it on, please."

"Of course. Just before we part did you have lunch today? If not, would you like a meal this evening or will a light snack do?"

"Yes, I did get lunch so a light snack will do."

"Great, one last thing, the snack will be at 18.00 in the restaurant that we passed just off of reception downstairs and please remember that breakfast is at 07.30 in the morning and at 09.00 you have an appointment with the doctor."

"Thanks for reminding me I shall see you later." I went up to my room and after unpacking I changed into my swimming trunks, put on my robe and went down to the pool. I did about twenty lengths of the pool and then briefly rested against one side before doing another twenty. By this time, it was coming up to 17.00 so I decided to get out and go to the sauna. When I got there, as there was no-one else around, I took off my trunks and went into the shower to wash off the pool water. There were two towels, so I picked up one and went into the sauna, laying it on the bench and then lying out on it. The sauna was large enough to take about six people having three bench levels, so I chose the top level. After five minutes or so there was a knock on the door, and I heard Angela say, "Are you ok in there James, or do you need anything?"

I replied, "Everything is Ok thanks, it is quite hot so I shall not be too long so that I can get ready for my snack." I then heard the outer door close as Angela left. It was indeed hot and, as I had not been in a sauna for some time, I decided to get out and had a shower to clean off. After drying myself I put my robe on and went up to my room. Once inside I took off the robe and lay on the bed to rest. As I did so I found myself looking forward to the next week and hoping that even though it was only a trial for the Retreat I would benefit from it. I also reflected on Angela who was very attractive, and I realised I was looking forward to spending a week in her company. With that thought in mind I got up and got dressed to go down to the restaurant where I met Angela again who said, "Please sit where you want, and I shall bring your food."