Find Me

Chapter 1 – It all starts somewhere

"...and we haven't done anything together since that trip downtown, which was ages ago!"

"For good reason, do I need to remind you of the week we spent throwing up cause of the damn food poisoning?"

"You're such a pessimist. I promise this trip will be so much fun! It will be just the six of us in a cozy little cabin. We'll stay up until very odd hours of the night, eat dangerously bad junk food and watch filthy entertainment."

"We can do all of that here, we don't need to go to some snowed in skiing resort to drop our IQs and get fat."

"But nobody's house has hunky skiing instructors..."

"I thought this trip was about friendship and togetherness"

"Nothing wrong with eye candy!"

"Ugh, now you gave me even more reason to say no. You're gonna be running around with some guy named Sven and his friend and I'm going to get stuck with everyone in the cabin listening to them whine about their love life or lack of thereof or school or work or whatever, and I'm so tired of it all. Last time I talked to Stan everything I said about me went right over her head. It was all her problems, her dilemmas. She never even takes my advice so why she bothers to ask for it I will never know."

"So is this the reason you cut yourself off from us lately? Cause everyone has been coming to you with their problems?"

"I got tired of being clan mother; I've had a lot to deal with these past few months so I thought it would be best if I just took myself out of the role for a while before I snap and saying something I would regret."

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

"If I promise to only look at the guy named Sven and maybe his friend will you go with us? I promise to tell everyone off if they start to be whiny bums! And I will make those cookies you like so much. " When Franca heard light laughter on the other side, she knew there was a chance.

"You're relentless! Give me the recipe and you got yourself a deal." Rea heard a celebratory cheer from her best friend. She was making the right choice. She hasn't seen her friends in more than half a year now; it was time to come back. Plus getting out of the city would do her good. " 'Kay, we're going on Saturday and staying for a week. Pack comfy sweaters, pajamas and socks. Thermal underwear is also an option. Not a lot of sex appeal but a runny nose has even less. Also, pack something more dressy, 'cause there's some cool restaurants near-by and I doubt that a hoodie and sweats is acceptable wear there. I'll pick you up early in the morning and we will drive there and meet up with everyone else. Stan, Kegan and Connor are driving down together and meeting up with Ian who's getting there tomorrow."

"Information overload! Was that all on one breath?"

"Two actually. I'm just really looking forward to this trip. I missed you Rey."

"I missed you too"

"Ok! So, I shall pick you up early Saturday morning."

"Sounds good. I'll start packing tonight. You and your spontaneous trips; gives me no time to prepare."

"Well it's not like you have anything better to do! Anyway, I gotta go now, I have to call and confirm the reservation at the lodge."

"Alright, have a good night. See you on Saturday."

"Have a good night babe."

Ondrea hung up the phone and fell back on the bed.

"Oh what have I done?" She sighed. "I should really be looking forward to this trip. Me and my five oldest friends in a beautiful ski lodge. What could be better?

"I'm just tired, that's all" She pressed her palms to her eyes. "I'll pack my clothing now and make a list of anything I need to pick up tomorrow. I wish Franca gave me more notice than one day."

She went to her hall closet and fished out her suitcases. She then walked back to her room and opened in on her bed. Opening her closet she tossed out some sweaters, sweatpants and jeans which she then neatly folded into one case. Beside those things she tucked in some warm and cozy socks she knew she would be using. Rea was well known for being cold all the time.

"Hmm, what's next? I guess undies." Opening her underwear drawer Rea sighed contently. She always indulged in fine lingerie; it was one of her small indulgencies. She spanned the collection of fine silks and lace and took out a few of her favorites. Seeing everything else she packed in her suitcase, she giggled. The lacy garments seemed so out of place. "Nobody would ever guess that underneath these bulky sweaters..."

In the second smaller suitcase she folded a couple dresses, a pair of black heels, and matching evening purse. She decided that she would add her toiletries in that suitcase as well. "Well that's almost everything, I guess. Now for some pajamas and I'm all done for the night".

Rea sifted thought her sleepwear and took out some of her comfy pants and warm shirts. Sleeping was all about comfort so everything was made from soft fabrics and was simple in design; fewer bows is more sleep was Rea's philosophy. She went to close the drawer when something shiny caught her eye. A few weeks back she was walking home when she noticed the most beautiful nightgowns in the window of an Italian lingerie boutique. They were expensive and she really didn't have the money, but she bought them. She savored the feeling of the rich material against her fingers and tossed them in with the rest of her stuff.

"I'm going to regret this when I'm freezing my butt off. Eh, at least I'll look gorgeous doing it". And with that final thought she closed the lid of her suitcase.

***

"Morning Sunshine!"

"Ugh." Was all Rea mustered to say. It was 6:15am on a Saturday morning. As far as she was concerned, there should be a law of time not exciting before 11am on the weekend.

"There's some coffee in the cup holder for you, it's extra, extra strong; just how you like it.

"Uh-hmuh." She took a cup and had a big sip. It had barely been 6 when Francesca had called her to notify that she was on her way. Rea had time to get up, have a quick shower and change into some comfortable travel clothes; it was a 3 hour ride to the lodge. She had pulled on some yoga pants, a long-sleeved t-shirt and hooded sweater, pulled her hair into a messy bun and dug her feet into some running shoes. She had no time for breakfast and her stomach had begun to grumble in protest at this behavior.

"I picked up some breakfast on the way here; it's behind your seat".

"Franca, if you weren't a woman, I would so marry you". Rea was truly grateful for the thoughtfulness of her friend as she dug through the paper bag containing bagels, cream cheese, some raspberry jam and lemon cookies.

"That's legal in some places, you know."

"Yeah...But there's that whole part where I like boys. No hard feelings though?"

They both laughed. "Are you sure about that? I haven't seen you on a date since...well ever."

"I go on dates! I just don't kiss and tell so to speak, unlike other women."

"So what, I'm a slut now?"

"Only on Thursdays. No, but I do go out sometimes. I just don't do it as often as you think I should."

"You're right, once a year is way below my quota. Rea, you're 22 beautiful, brilliant and an all around totally awesome chick. You should be out there enjoying your youth and freedom. Before you know it you'll be married, with kids and mortgage payments and won't have this kind of freedom until you're in your 50s. By then though, clubbing until 5am won't be as appealing as regular bowel movements.

Laughter and snorts filled the car. "It will be more like sitting on the loo 'til 5am!" Rea sighed and wiped her eyes. "You're right, but you know I won't date men for the sake of dating. I'll only go out with someone if I see they have long-term potential and I haven't met anyone with whom I can possibly see myself three months from now, much less married.

"Why is everything about marriage with you? Sow your wild oats! It's not just for men anymore. In our day and time it's practically unheard of being a virgin at 22...and half."

Rea rolled her eyes. "You make me sound so old. Why is it so wrong that I don't want to bed everyone I meet? Am I the only woman who didn't like 'Sex and the City'?"

"I do believe you are. Wait, no! Nuns didn't have a soft spot for it either."

"It's not like I'm a prude. You know that better than anyone. I just want to wait until I'm married. I want to be able to share myself totally and completely with that person; mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Not because I'm religious or old-fashioned, but because I feel it's just something that's right for me."

"Alright, alright I get it."

Ondrea was glad that Franca dropped the subject. "If she only knew how little relationship experience I really have, she would freak" she thought to herself. She had never even held hands with a boy 'in that way' although nobody would ever suspect. Rea's lack of experience has never stopped her from being a sexual woman. She enjoyed talking about sex and was knowledgeable when it came to the subject. It was like being top of your class in music theory without ever sitting in front of a piano.

Rea had her first crush when she was 6. She was very aware of boys but they never noticed her unless they needed to solve a hard problem. She always considered herself to be an ugly duckling, she was chubby and slightly awkward, and no matter what her mother told her, Rea knew she was different. At 12 she poured over romance novels, taking in every lust inspired vow and promise. By the time she turned 14, most of her friends were already dating. Franca had started the earliest and shed boyfriends like gloves. She and Kegan dated on and off for a while; it was how he became part of their group. At almost 17 Rea had admitted to herself and her diary that she liked Ian 'in that way'. She had fought and lost the battle of denial on that subject for almost a year and secretly held on to the idea that he may see her as more than just his close friend. That dream fizzled out by the time graduation came along. When they graduated, they all went their separate ways but kept in touch as often as possible. After a few years though, their meetings became less and less frequent. Life was taking its toll on everyone. In fact, this was the first time all of them would be in the same place in about a year.

"Wow, it has been ages." Rea thought. Franca and Stan went to the same university as she did so she saw them a couple times a week. Ian moved about 5 hours out of town though, so she had only kept in touch through the internet and phone with him. Kegan and Connor she didn't consider her friends. They were high school acquaintances and nothing more.

"Anyone I know?"

"Hmm?" Rea suddenly woke up from her reverie by the comment.

"You seemed pretty deep in thought there, I was thinking maybe you were daydreaming about that boy you kissed in the dark alley but never got his name. You have nothing to go on other than he has a chipped front tooth and smells of Gouda, but dagnabit he got your percolator percolating and you are going to find him even if you have to kiss hundreds of chipped tooth, cheesy smelling men!"

Rea smiled at her friend's imagination. "No, I would have told you if I ever got that serious with someone."

"Damn straight you would!"

They both laughed and continued their friendly, nonsensical banter for the rest of the journey.