February Sucks Until May Shines Ch 09

Chapter 9

It felt like I was deep underwater, floating in an abyss of nothingness. Glaring light filtered down in ripples, shifting and changing with the water. Sounds were distant and distorted. Voices rose and fell in murmurs and rumbles. I didn't know how I got there, I was disconnected from the world, my brain was too sluggish to respond. It felt like each thought was a process of wading through thick sludge to find it.

So, I existed without existing. I floated in that nothingness for seconds or years.

Then, something happened. A feather-light brush on my lips, an angel's promise whispered in my ear. I couldn't understand it, but it made me rise from the depths toward the unbearable light. I yearned for it, I needed to get to that light. But then the lips disappeared, and the promise faded into oblivion. I sank back to the bottom of the abyss.

But the memory of the kiss lingered on my lips. There was a familiarity, something that made me remember I had a heart and it was beating. I latched onto it, seizing the memory. Yes, I remembered that kiss.

May

.

Her name was a bolt of lightning striking my soul. She appeared above me. She was naked, her golden hair floated around her as she gave me a smile that I had seen so many times - all dimples and luscious lips. Her emerald eyes were aflame with a love that I felt my heart respond to. She reached out her hand. She was waiting for me.

Her lips didn't move but her voice echoed in the vaults of my mind.

Come back to me, my love.

She was shining in ethereal light. My May was shining and showing me the way back.

I reached out my hand. Seconds stretched to eternity. Our fingers touched.

Everything went black.

*

"You need to go home, dear. You've been here far too long, you can't spend your life between your job and the hospital. It's wearing you into the ground. I'll sit with him until you bring the children tomorrow."

Beeps punctuated Marie's words, along with the background noise of busy people bustling about. The sterile smell of a hospital assaulted my nose. But how did I get there?

"I-I need to be with him when he wakes up. He'll need all of us around him when..." I'd only heard Sam so worried or upset once before. I couldn't leave her in pain.

My eyelids were heavy but I slowly opened them. I gasped and closed them again as bright light struck my eyes painfully.

"JIM!" I felt Sam take my hand. I had the impression that she was standing beside me, although my eyes were still scrunched shut. I slowly opened them and blinked rapidly until they adjusted. Sam's blurry face came into focus hovering about me. "You're awake!"

"I hope so, otherwise this is the weirdest dream I've ever had."

Marie's head appeared on the opposite side. Ever the practical one, she got straight to business. "You're in hospital, you've been unconscious for a week." She rested a wrinkled hand tenderly on my cheek. "You were stabbed three times."

It all came back. The bathroom, the sharp pain in my shoulder, the sharp pains in my side. "Who?" he whispered.

Marie and Sam exchanged a look. "The police are looking into it but they haven't got anything to go off. A few people have been arrested and questioned but they've been released."

It was like the chugging motor in an old car starting. My brain processed each bit of information and then began to speed up. Memories of the night, my life... May.

"May! Where is she? Is she OK?"

Marie and Sam's faces dropped. Whatever news they had about her wasn't good.

"Marie? Sam? What happened? Where's May? Is she OK?"

Sam took my hand. "Jim, just remember that we love you, OK? We'll get through this."

"Sam, you're scaring me."

Sam's eyes filled and it was Marie who answered. "May's gone, Jim. She left with Craig and Nicky."

I couldn't understand or process what they were saying. "But... what about her announcement, her plans to quit? No, you're wrong, maybe she's-"

Sam shook her head sadly. "She never made the announcement. Y-your stabbing happened and someone heard you scream. When I saw you, I-" She stopped and burst into tears. "There was so much blood, Jim! I thought you were dead! M-May was with me, she threw up and fainted. It's all a blur after that, she was brought to the hospital as well and treated for shock. When they released her, she came to see you but you were unconscious. She was devastated, she blamed herself for everything."

Sam took my hand and her voice turned pleading. "You have to believe me, Jim. I begged her not to go. I told her you'd get through this and everyone could move past it but she just wouldn't listen! She told me she knew what she needed to do to protect you and left. Sh-she's continued the tour with Craig and Nicky, I don't think she'll be back."

My head was throbbing and my heart was fracturing all over again. They'd won. Craig and Nicky had won. They'd orchestrated the attack, that much was obvious. I had no doubt that they would have carefully planned it out as well, leaving little or no trace as to who had done it.

I thought my vision was blurring until a hot tear ran down my cheek. I closed my eyes and felt more rush to join it. The pain was too much. I felt Marie and Sam's touches but they made no difference. I let blissful unconsciousness take me.

*

My injuries took a long time to heal. After another week's observation and assessment in the hospital, I was declared fit enough to go home as long as I took things easy. I'd suffered massive blood loss and internal damage, so moving about was painful. I spent most of my time in bed, being waited on by the ever-present Marie. My shoulder hurt, as did the two wounds in my side, but they were nothing compared with the unbearable pain of losing May. It hurt so, so much worse than anything I'd experienced with Linda. Maybe it was because it was the second time having my heart broken or maybe it was because of what I had known and lost with May, I wasn't sure.

I wouldn't have made it past the first couple of weeks without Sam and Marie. They were a constant presence and two solid rocks. The other two far smaller helpers were Emma and Tommy. Emma cried and wouldn't let me go the first time she saw me conscious and even when I moved back in with Marie, she was overly clingy. Tommy understood that he had to be gentle with me so there was none of our normal playfights. Instead, he cuddled into me on the other side to Emma.

Just as I was starting to recover, everything blew up - again. The clip of me knocking out Marc had gone viral, but not in a good way. It had been cut and edited so that it looked as though I was May's aggressive, jealous partner who had swung at an innocent and unsuspecting Marc. Sam was the one who broke it to me, along with letters from the bosses informing me that my contract was being terminated for bringing the company's reputation into disrepute. I was to be paid a lump sum for my final month of work along with commission from the contracts I had drawn up. I think they did it so that it would be a clean break than out of necessity. The thing is, I didn't have any will or strength to fight it. I had loved my job but like the rest of the world, it had chewed me up and spat me right back out.

I tried to get in contact with May but, unsurprisingly, her number had been disconnected. I assumed that was Craig and Nicky's doing but I had at least hoped that she would have tried to contact me. All I had received from her was a message passed on by Sam.

By the time I was mobile again, spring was moving toward summer and the days were getting warmer. I tried to think about what to do, but I just didn't know. I was lost. So utterly lost. My mind, body, and heart were in pieces, so I focused on putting the easiest of the three back together: my body.

I started off with yoga-type exercises, getting my body used to movement again. Finishing the dining room and starting on the entrance hall helped, I was mobile and busy all day. It also helped to keep my mind from falling into the depression that I teetered on the edge of. Once I was moving properly, I progressed to runs and shifting weights. I didn't have a proper gym set up but Marie's woods had an abundance of logs and rocks that I could shift around. It made a nice change from a spotless commercial gym. I got sweaty and I got dirty. It was raw strength I was building, born from the well of pain inside me.

Weeks passed and I finished the inside of the house. I barely stopped to breathe before I started on the outside. That was where the really hard grafting came into play. I worked from sun up until sundown, tearing weeds out of the ground and hacking through small trees and overgrown bushes. The garden was untamed and savage, the perfect beast to take out my suffering on.

What I didn't realise was that in my single-minded determination to cope with my suffering through physical toil, I was pulling back from those around me. I barely spoke at mealtimes anymore and laughter was a foreign sound on my lips. I knew that I was doing it, but I just didn't have a solution, there was no switch in my brain that could make things OK again. I barely left the house for fear of being recognised or seeing something that reminded me of May, and after food, I retreated to my room to wallow in self-pity. I was broken and I was a mess.

It all came to a head one afternoon when Sam came storming down the garden. I was fighting my way through the old vegetable plots, ripping out thick weeds that had taken root when she slapped me on the shoulder. I wasn't wearing a top, so it stung and made a loud enough sound to scare nearby birds from the trees.

"ENOUGH!" Sam shouted angrily.

"What?" I said, confused and on the defensive.

"Enough of... THIS!" She waved her hands around me. "I get that you're hurt, really, but you've kicked out the people who care about you and I can't take it anymore! You need to get out and live, Jim!"

"I am living!" I said, waving a weed to make my point.

"Declaring war on an old garden isn't living, it's coping. I know you're afraid to go out and face the world, but maybe we could take small steps together? What about me, you, Marie, and Alice going out for coffee? Or we could take the kids out for the day?"

"I'm done with the world and I'm pretty sure it's done with me!" I snarled. "There's nothing for me out there!"

"So you're going to stay here being miserable for the rest of your life? What about Emma and Tommy? Do you know how upset they are that their daddy no longer laughs with them? Do you know how worried I am that you are just an empty shell?" She stepped forward and her lips pulled back from her teeth. "Do you know what's the worst? The effect it's having on the poor old lady in the house up there. She's worried sick about you, she shouldn't be looking after a baby at her age and it's taking its toll."

The knife that stabbed me three times hurt less than her accusations. "Marie?" I asked.

"Yes, Marie! Go and see her if you don't believe me." She sighed and her shoulders drooped. "It can't carry on like this, Jim. It just can't. Please, I'm begging you, we can get through this... we

need

to get through this."

"I don't know if I can," I whispered.

Sam took my face in her hands and kissed my forehead. "We will, I promise you. I love you, Jimmy. You're like a brother to me and it hurts me to see the man I adore so much so completely lost."

I took a deep breath. And then another. "OK," I said. "Let's go and see Marie, I've got some apologising to do."

Sam took my hand and we walked up the freshly cut lawn. Without the weeds, I was able to fully appreciate its impressive size. Easily twice the width of the house, it stretched from woods to woods and had a gentle slope down to the gravelled path and ponds.

Marie was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea. Looking at her properly for the first time in nearly two months, my knees almost buckled. She'd aged years. She looked at me with pure sadness and rushed across and hugged her.

"I'm so sorry, Marie! I had no idea-"

"No, no, it's OK," she said, patting my back. "It's not your fault. You were in too much pain and we've all been so worried about you."

"Sam was right, you shouldn't be looking after a baby at your age. It's time for me to pull myself together and start looking after you for once."

Marie laughed and pulled away from me to pat my cheek. "That's better already. So, are you going to take me out to make it up to me?"

"Ah, you drive a hard bargain. I'll tell you what, why don't we go out for a meal and then take a walk to visit Bob? I wouldn't want him getting jealous and it's been a while since I've visited him."

Marie's face broke into a smile that made her look ten years younger. "That's a wonderful idea. But go and shower first, as lovely as it is having a sweaty, tanned man with a six-pack in my kitchen, you're getting mud all over the place."

*

After Sam's intervention, I made an effort to change things. I still trained and worked on the garden, but I made an effort to get some semblance of my life back. I made sure to speak to everyone at meals and even laughed a few times. I took the kids on days out, sometimes with Marie, sometimes with Alice and Sam. They responded to my change with happiness and giggles that were like a drug to me.

Of course, the nights were still difficult. Memories of May came flooding back during those long, dark, lonely hours. I loved her, I'd probably never stop loving her. It was hard to believe that someone I'd known for such a short amount of time could have such a big impact. She lingered in my thoughts as I lay on my bed staring into the darkness each night, and then she infused my dreams with memories of our time together. The way her dimples stood out when she smiled, the softness of her lips, the way she laughed freely when we were together. Then there was her body, the perfect female form, wrapped around me, giving me unimaginable pleasure.

I tortured myself, bringing up those precious images of her on my phone. Her breasts, remembering how they felt around my cock. Her ass, watching it bounce as I fucked her from behind. Her pussy, remembering the taste of it and the warmth as I fucked her. I ran my hands over my cock in equal parts agony and pleasure, finding my release over her. After, when reality came back, I felt wretched and dirty. Why did I abuse my mind and heart?

I considered going out and finding a woman, anyone, to overwrite the memories I had of May. But I couldn't. She'd left to protect me, she hadn't betrayed me, she'd done it for me. So, I still carried a flame in my heart for her that wouldn't go out. I was in purgatory, unable to move on from a past that kept pulling me back.

I wanted to do something, anything to free May and find a way back to her, but she was flying from country to country, city to city and pinning her down was almost impossible. I made the mistake of searching for her on the internet, just to find out where she'd be. Gossip columns came up speculating on her love life, the rumours of strange happenings at the ball before she'd left the city. She was due to perform for a week in Paris before flying to Berlin and then to Budapest. I thought about flying out but realised it would be pointless - Alfred wouldn't let me with a hundred yards of her and even if I could find a way to get to her, what could I do or say that would make a difference?

I'd made regular contact with the police in the hopes that something might have come of the investigation into my stabbing, but I was met with the disappointing news that they had no leads and any DNA evidence was pointless as the bathroom had been used by countless guests over the course of the evening. I did, however, find out that Marc had been arrested and questioned. It turned out that he had a solid alibi as he was checking in to a nearby hospital after feeling dizzy from our altercation.

So, my hopelessness a permanent fixture inside me, I tried to carry on with my life. The problem with an internationally famous celebrity is that once you've seen them, they pop up everywhere. I don't know how I hadn't known who Maeve Whyte was when I first met her, I suppose I just wasn't interested in pop culture. But, after becoming so close to her, I couldn't not see her.

She was on magazines, billboards, adverts, and even some food packets in the local shops. It confused Emma no-end to see her face again. I'd had a long and very upsetting conversation with her and Tommy that May had had to leave and it wasn't their fault. Emma had been upset for a long time after.

The person who jerked me out of my stasis was someone who I'd never expected to: Mr Gendry. The hotel's managing director surprised me with a visit one weekend when I was busy in the garden. It was shaping up into a thing of beauty. The hedges were trimmed, the vegetable plots had been restored and replanted, and the ponds now had groups of big, fat goldfish swimming in them (much to Tommy and Emma's delight).

I was so absorbed in trimming back one of the larger bushes near the woods that I didn't realise Mr Gendry was behind me until he spoke. "Considering you were stabbed a matter of months ago, you're looking awfully well."

I almost dropped my shears onto my foot but recovered in time. The rigid man was standing in his customary suit, strange to see in the bright sunshine. "Mr Gendry, I would offer to shake your hand but I'm a little dirty."

He held his hand out. "I may dress in a suit but I don't mind getting my hands dirty every once in a while."

I shook his hand. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure? Would you like to head inside for a drink?"

One thing I liked about Mr Gendry, is he was always straight to the point. "No, no, I only have a few minutes before I have to get back to the hotel. I came here to offer you a job."

"I... why?" I asked, stunned.

"Because you're good. I've seen the news like everyone else, but I am one of the few who knows the truth behind it all. You're a good man, and it would be a huge opportunity missed by me if I didn't snatch you up now I have the chance. I heard about the gym firing you and I want to offer you a short-term contract. You highlighted how outdated our gym was, and I've seen bookings spike since your initiative. I want to pay you for two months' work to bring our gym up to standard."

The thought of returning to the hotel was painful. My memories of the place were so closely interwoven with memories of May. But, I supposed it might provide an opportunity to move on. At the very least, it would help get me out of the house. If the hotel gym was closed for refurbishment, I would be able to avoid people too.

"OK," I said.

Mr Gendry hesitated. "Aren't you going to ask about pay?"

I shrugged. "I don't need the money or particularly care about it. Besides, I know you're a fair man. I'm sure you'll pay me what's right."

He looked at me for a moment and then shook his head with a chuckle. "You're a unique one, I'll give you that." He paused as if debating whether to say something. His smile faded and he said, "Things will get better, Jim. Just hang on in there." He shook my hand and patted me on the shoulder. "I'll have the contract drawn up and sent across. Goodbye, Jim."

I watched him until he disappeared from view, wondering how things would ever truly get better.

The contracts came a few days later. I was sitting at the kitchen table with Marie and I almost sprayed my coffee over the table. Marie had to slap me hard on the back several times until I stopped choking.

"What is it?" she asked.

"The pay for the two months' work! It's ridiculous!"

I slid the papers over to her. Her eyes skimmed across and then widened. "Maybe it's a mistake?"