A haiku:
Got into grad school!
Won't be sleeping for a bit.
Hope y'all like this one <3
* * *
Fay
"I'm never telling anybody I have a crush on you, Dondre Hill. I'm legit sorry I even caught feelings; nobody needs this kind of pressure in their last year of school. This is just juvenile.
I see you every Monday and Wednesday in class. Twice each day, 11:10 and 4:30, for our capstone and our seminar. Every Monday and Wednesday I watch your tight ass bend to bless the seat in front of me with its presence.
I think you caught me staring one time, when you looked back from the chalkboard to ask the professor a question about the phrase you were writing. I felt your eyes on me, but I tried to look as zoned out as possible and rubbed my eyes and yawned. I didn't even look up at you as you walked back. Shoulda got an Oscar for that.
There are a lot of reasons why I like you. I like how the little paunch of your stomach presses up against your t-shirt. I like how your voice goes up when you get nervous during oral presentations. And I like how your hair fades from dark brown to burnt amber at the ends. The first time you came in with it all combed out in a little afro, and stuck your pencil in it, I imagined being the one to braid it back up for you when you went to bed that night.
...Again, I know I sound creepy as hell.
But I don't think I'd be too bad of a girlfriend, either, if we ever got together. I've got nice boobs. My skin's soft, I'm funny; my hair shines in the sun when it's freshly twisted. I'd let you wrap it around your fist if you ever hit it from behind, lol. It's a shame you'll never know how much I like you."
I hope the little confessional I just vomited into my journal doesn't make me cringe if I ever reread it. That's how true feelings usually go: express, regret, repent, repress; on and on until you're dead. I just close the laptop and roll over to situate my arms around my breasts, which really are pretty nice. They spill over my hands and slide against my arms as I try to get comfortable. And when I finally am, I sleep.
...
Dondre
I'm going to hell.
I honest-to-God was going to tell the girl from my class that she left her account open on the public computer, but I saw my name on one of the Recent files in her Drive and I just looked a little closer on the off chance it really was me. I mean I'm probably not the only Dondre on campus, but how many Dondre Hills are there in the Monday and Wednesday Literature seminar and capstone courses?
I gotta tell somebody. I could tell Legend- but he can't keep his mouth shut for shit. Jabari's ass is home with all four kids, though.
I text Jabari.
"Yo"
"What"
"You know that girl I told you about in my World Literature class?"
"The poindexter one behind you?"
"She crushing on me."
"Awww, you gonna ask her out lil man?"
I think for a minute. She's crushing on me hard. It's mind-blowing to think about. Like I could go up to her right now and probably get her number.
I look at the screen again. She said 'girlfriend'. I'm not going for that this year, not until I graduate. It'd be a bad move to start anything with her.
"Nah"
"Pussy, why?"
"Not tryina break anymore hearts for the rest of the semester."
He rags on me about that comment for a while, and we goof around until he has to go yell at one of his spawn for jumping off the roof or something. I take a couple pictures of my discovery before I log out for her and do my own work. Then I go to my next class, and only when I walk through the door at the back of the room does it really register what she said. I hesitate for a minute, then walk past her to my seat; I think about how she's probably looking at my ass. I don't even know how to feel about it. My dick is a little hard. That's an answer, I guess.
"Can you pass me the exam packet?" Her voice is in my ear.
I start a little bit from my daydream and half-twist to hand her the stack of papers I absent-mindedly took from the person in front of me.
"Yeah, my bad." I can't help but deepen my voice a little bit. She said she liked when my voice went high, but I'm not nervous right now so it'd be weird to do it. I wonder if she likes my shoulders too, and how broad they are. I've always liked them.
Why do I care? I shouldn't. I shouldn't even be thinking about what she wrote. I invaded her privacy - by accident - and I don't even want to start anything, so I should forget it all.
But she sounded so sweet.
...
Fay
I know for a fact that I pulled at least a B on that exam. I should've; it was on the only assigned reading I actually read in full for this class. But I still come home happy. I pull the remaining half of a sub out of the fridge and open my computer to look at my agenda for tomorrow, but I end up accidentally watching a few episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race again.
Out of nowhere, I start to think about how restless Dondre seemed in class. The back of his chair kept rocking back against my desk. Normally I'd be annoyed, but I just wondered what was bothering him. I'd think he was having trouble with the questions, but I'm fairly sure his grades are even with mine in the course.
It's none of my business, and I need to go to sleep. But every time I close the laptop, I have a never-ending circus of thoughts rolling through my brain. One of those nights.
I wake up with "Are you still watching?" on the screen, and my phone with its 8AM alarm nowhere to be seen. I feel it, though, vibrating under my right shoulder with a muted ringing.
The rest of my day is full of tense, last-semester-in-this-money-trap classes and a few hours tutoring. The last eager freshman is too interested in spitting game at me to understand the key aspects of the low Germanic languages.
"You know a lot about words. You're good with your mouth, then?" is what finally snaps my head up, to look at his smirking face.
I sit back in my chair, knowing I'm done for the day.
"What, did I go too far, baby? I'm good at that." His eyes sear into mine. "Real good."
"Did you come here to flirt, or to get to the end of this chapter? I'm tired, if it's the former, and I'd like to go home."
He leans forward. "With me? Say no more."
"First of all, bitch, you look twelve."
His easy smile drops. "The fuck?"
"You look like you don't know how yet."
He gets puffy, and mad, and I dare him with the twitch of an eyebrow to raise his voice. We're at one of the front tables in the library, and all the delirious med students are watching from the corners.
"And you thought I was gonna ask a slut to teach me how? Ugly anyway," he snorts, grabbing his binder and bag.