From the instant Dan Childress returned to the examination room with Allan's patient file clutched in his hand, Allan knew the news would be bad. He gripped the edges of the exam table and braced himself as best he could. Childress slouched into the metal chair at the other side of the room and released a weary sigh.
"It's you, Allan."
Allan nodded. "I thought it might be." He dismounted from the table and reached for his jacket. "Is it treatable?"
The doctor grinned wanly. "If only. Deb and I tried for a fourth for ten years before I went for a test." He laid the file folder on his lap and steepled his hands. "Age gets all of us eventually."
What about my capacity for erection? How long can I count on that?
Allan didn't say. He zipped his jacket closed and pondered. "Well, so much for the easy part."
"Hm?"
"You only had to tell me, Dan." Allan grinned. He held out a hand, and the doctor rose and took it. "I have to break it to Kate."
Childress's face tightened in vicarious discomfort. "Good luck with that."
***
Allan parked and locked his truck, immediately went around the house to the fields, and found Kate in the barn, laboring over their tractor, doing something incomprehensible to an assembly he couldn't even name.
"Nellie not well?"
Kate looked up, startled. "Oh!" She set her tools down delicately, ran to him and wrapped her arms around him. "No, she's okay. I was just resetting the valve gaps and the timing so we could run her on cheaper fuel. Costs about five horsepower, but for what I use her for, that's okay."
"Why bother? We're not hurting for money."
"So we should spend it unnecessarily? What kind of farm boy are you, sweetie?"
He swallowed and dropped his eyes. "A sterile one."
He heard her breath catch, felt her arms tighten spasmically.
"No doubt about it?"
Allan shook his head. "None. No treatments for it, either."
She buried her face against his chest.
She wanted babies so badly. What will this change? Will she stop wanting to be with me? Stop loving me?
"It doesn't matter." The words were muffled against his chest.
"Hm?"
"It doesn't matter!" She tilted her head back to look into his eyes. "We have the farm. We have what we grow. We have each other. That's enough for me." Her jaw tightened visibly. "Is it enough for you?"
He stroked her back and shoulders. "Kate, you are the only thing in this world I really, truly need. I'd have loved to give you children. I wanted them just as much as you. But if you can bear this, as hard as I know it must be for you, then I can do it easily." He ran his fingers through her hair and laid his palms along the sides of her face. "As long as I have you."
She stared hard into his eyes, and he grew briefly afraid.
"Oh, you have me, all right," she whispered. "It's a good thing that's okay by you, 'cause I'm the one thing you can't get rid of. You could burn the house down and salt the ground, and I'd stand by you. You could bring home a second wife, and I'd stand by you. This disappointment is
nothing
compared to how I love you."
She nudged him out of the barn, slid the door closed, and pulled him up the incline toward their house.
"And I mean to make you feel it right now."
***
"Dear God," he gasped.
She pressed herself more firmly against him. "Was it good?" she murmured against his shoulder.
"You have to
ask?
I've never come like that before. Not even when I was one, giant, perpetual teenaged hard-on. It felt like everything inside me was flowing into you, that there'd be nothing left to keep my skin inflated." He stroked her back and settled his palms against her rump. "How do you hold it all?"
She canted her head back and smiled down at him. "Love and willpower. You are the finest man I've ever known. I don't want to waste one molecule of you."
He chuckled. "My farm girl."
She laid her face against his chest and nuzzled him. "My farm boy."
He basked for a time in the greatest and least expected of all his life's blessings.
"Kate?"
"Hm?"
"Do you want to explore alternatives?"
A quick current of tension ran along her frame. "What kind?"
"There are places you could go for...seed."
"Do they have any of yours?"
"Huh? No, of course not."
"Then no." She squirmed delicately against him, partly reviving his flagging erection. "Any baby from my body has to be from you."
He had no doubt that she meant it, but the plaintive note beneath the words underlined her disappointment, making him cringe.
"Allan," she said, "we made our choices not knowing where they'd lead. Just
because we've dead-ended in this one way doesn't mean the choice was wrong. I'll adjust. Trust me."
"I do," he whispered.
I have to adjust, too. I wonder how long it will take me.
***
They were lounging before the television, Kate snoring faintly against his side, when the knock on the door came.
Allan carefully shifted his wife aside and went to answer it. He found Nat and Cal Compton, the teenagers from across the road, standing on his porch. Both tall, lanky Nat and chubby, still-awaiting-his growth Cal were wet-eyed and confused.
"Mr. Fitzgerald," Nat said, "we need some help."
Allan's brow furrowed. "What's up, Nat?"
"Pop's dead."
Cal's young face convulsed. Tears immediately coursed down his cheeks.
"My God," Allan said. "Come in, come in!"
He ushered them into the living room, where Kate was reluctantly emerging from slumber. Her eyes lit on the Comptons and flashed immediately to Allan's. He bade them be seated and turned to his wife.
"We've lost a neighbor."
"Huh? Who?"
"Art Compton."
"Oh my God." She leaped from the sofa, went to the bereaved teens and immediately bundled them in her arms. "I'm so sorry, boys!" Presently they were all crying together.
Art and I were barely well acquainted enough to use one another's first names. We got along, but I probably know the mailman better than I knew him. I'd have thought Kate knew him even less well than that. But she's the one crying and offering his boys comfort. Is it a male-versus-female thing, or is it a flaw in me?