Cathy and Mike were working hard at reconnecting. I finally got to go to the sidelines without Cathy. She was in the game, and doing healthy things. With all the damage she and Mike had been through, it was so great to see them try again. They were, and they were not, the same people as before. A little older and wiser and much more mature. Did I mention scared, heavy on the scared part. I still got to hear when things were not so good, but that is what a parent is for. I listened and would ask a question that shed some light on either her psyche, or his. I tried hard to never give an answer.
With all this healing going on around me, I was feeling much better myself. My 25 years of marriage was over, and I was into a new life. An unattached grandpa holding a little one is a magnet for women. Young women, middle aged women, and older women all like little babies. I guess that the silver in my hair makes me safe. I was starting to wonder how to keep me safe from them. I wanted to start going out, but have not done that in damn near 30 years.
This time it was Cathy that helped me. She started with my clothing and hair style, I was getting a make over and none to happy about it. But I was resigned to it. It actually turned out to be pretty good. Didn't even cost me a fortune, just needed to replace some worn out and dated clothing anyway.
Do you have any idea how many older unattached previously been married LONELY women there are out there in our little community? They have their antennas out and their wits about them. They hunt for bear, and this polar bear just came out of his den, blinking in the sunlight. I'd hate to see what Florida is like for an older single guy.
The saving grace is something that they really did not have when I was a kid, group dates. They don't call it group dates, but it is a group date. No one is really paired up, but can be. And as a group, there are activities from dinners, dancing, movies, downtown attractions, or picnics and the like. Kind of like the current speed dating without the steroids. I never looked at other women when I was married, and now not only could I, I was suppose to. Cathy and Mike were on the sidelines cheering me on. This role reversal stuff....was making me come alive inside. I've spent so much time and energy on others, that I really forgot about my self. In 30 years, it was going to be time for me. What the fuck am I going to do now?
After being on the group date circuit, I began seeing some of that crowd for coffee and maybe lunch or brunch on weekends. I was not serious enough for dinner and what ever came after that. That was going to take me longer to ease into. I was always a sucker to get laid, and I was not going to do it like that again.
There was a woman that did attract me, and she was not running after me either. Kaja was a 5 year widow with kids and grandchildren in town, and another daughter in Florida with a husband, two 3 year old twin boys. That daughter wanted to have more. Kaja was a warm person, with a quick wit, blue eyes framed by her silver hair. She also had a slight Polish accent that I always find so appealing. Did I say that she can make blueberry perogies like no one else can? With sour cream, it is heart attack city in the making if I had them every day.
We starting to meet for breakfast on weekends, then it moved on to lunch on Sunday's also. I knew that when we progressed to dinner DURING THE WEEK, I realized that we were getting serious. It is so nice to be with someone that the term "High Maintenance" did not apply.
I have not been intimate with anyone since a couple of weeks before the shower. I've been so busy that I have not missed it much. Now I was starting to miss it. There are now "dos and don'ts" of sex during the time of aids. I remember reading about how it was a problem in certain retirement communities. This time I asked Mike, not Cathy, about how to handle it. Not that I did not trust Cathy, I was just more comfortable talking with a guy, not a daughter.
Current thinking, the bottom line is always wear protection, get yourself tested with regularity, get your partner tested with regularity. Unstated: stay monogamous. Asking questions may not be romantic, but it shows that you care, and that is romantic. I had not even kissed her deeply yet. It was not so complicated 30 years ago.
I invited Kaja over to my house for dinner one Saturday evening. I determined that I would rather talk about it alone with her, not in a restaurant where others could hear or stare at me when she slapped my face and stormed out. It turns out that she was a couple of steps ahead of me. She has not been sexually active since her husband died. It was not important to her after that. With me being around her, like her being around me, reopened us up to the possibilities and our awakening needs. Her daughter had 'the talk' with her too.
The dinner I cooked was nothing spectacular. I did barbeque a couple of pieces of chicken, some hamburgers and some vegetables. I knew that she liked merlot, so I shared a bottle with her. Mike told me how to 'let it breath' to make it more expensive tasting. I am still the peasant and always will be. After dinner was over, we went to the living room and sat on the couch talking. She was sipping krupnic in tea, I had some brandy.
We were talking about our children and then grandchildren for a while when we became quiet. I reached over to her and held her face in my hands and kissed her, kissed her fully. She kissed back, and then I pulled back, looking in her eyes. "The times that I have spent with you have been wonderful. I am very comfortable with you, and I think that you are with me. We have become closer emotionally too. Would you want to see where this will lead to?"
She nodded yes and was about to say something when I said, "Things are not like they were 30 years ago. We need to talk about being safe." She smiled and said, "My daughter had the talk with me. I have been abstinent for the 5 years since my husband died, and I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago."
"Kaja, I got a clean bill of health when I divorced and have been abstinent since. Would you like to accompany me to my bedroom and be my queen for the evening?" She offered her hand to me and we started something new in our lives.