Family Is Not Blood Ch 06

For Valentines Day, I wanted to do something special. I called my father-in-law Fred for a favor. Would he and Kaja keep little Freddie over night? One of the things that I found out is that a granddaughter with a single doting grandfather draws in the women. Kaja was part of the group of widowed and single friends that were part of Fred and Rita's life. Kaja's own husband had a fatal heart attack a couple of years before, she knew about grief and loss. She listened to Fred after the breakup, and their friendship grew naturally. Might even be 'Friends with Benefits', but I don't ask those kind of questions. Cathy would only smile, and not ask either. What ever their relationship was, Cathy was happy for her father to have some company that did not include the term 'high maintenance'. The other thing was that Kaja loved infants and children. Her own life was busy with her three grandchildren in town, and two out of state. She always had room for more.

We dropped off Franciszka at 7 PM with her grandfather. The squeal of that little girl with her grandfather and Kaja was wonderful. She was loved, and she knew it. Cathy and I left them laughing and tickling each other playfully. Somehow the grandfather always got tickled more then the granddaughter did. Cathy and I then left for dinner.

As a special dinner, we went to a Tappas bar. Small plates of very high quality and flavorful Spanish food. What ever is ordered is shared with your meal partners. Along with a bottle of wine, and time, we had a wonderful relaxing evening. The weather was warm for February in Chicago, and we were dressed for it. We were near the lake front, so without any plans, we decided to go for a short walk along the lake front. With the sounds of the city behind us and the dark sky over Lake Michigan, we held each other close. When we had cooled down, from dinner and the wine, we headed back to the car and my apartment. There was another bottle of merlot awaiting us there, along with dark chocolate. Those two things go well together.

For some reason, our drive back was quiet. I was busy with the traffic, but Cathy was silent. We had made love a few a times since Christmas, and things were still good. We did try to occasionally try new things, but there was plenty of tender lovemaking too. When we talked about it, we thought that it was a good balance.

Getting into the apartment, I helped her take her coat off and directed her to the living room. I went to grab the wine and chocolate and we sat on the couch together. After having such a warm evening with one another, I felt that something was not right. It was kind of strange to not have Franciszka around. As an infant, she needs people to watch over her constantly. I asked Cathy about that, she said that that must be what it was. We just sat there in silence, cuddling together, drinking the wine slowly and nibbling on the chocolate. I was not able to see her face from how we were sitting, but her body language was still not right. I started to softly stroke her hair, and I felt her tense up. Getting alarmed, I quietly asked her what was wrong. This is not how I wanted Valentine's Day to go, but I really did not have a choice.

She began to pull away from me and started talking. "I don't know, I've just been out of it lately. I've has so much to do and Franciszka has been more than a handful." She waited a few seconds and started again "The other thing is that my mother is leaving for Florida at the end of the month, permanently. She has been looking for a loaded wallet, even if she has to be his nurse in a couple of years. If she can be married to somebody else for 10 years, she'll be able to double her Social Security when she takes it. I think she found someone. We may not have always been the best of company for each other, but she is my mother and I am going to miss her." She sat looking blankly at the wall. "Sorry Mike, but I just don't think that I am going to give you a good Valentine's Day. Please forgive me."

Life is what happens when you have other plans, and this was our life today. I realized that there were also going to be a couple of financial issues involved for her too. But, to be separated from someone you love, by 1,100 miles is real rough. I still miss my mother, even though she passed away over 10 years ago. I just reached out to Cathy and held her closely. She leaned into me and softly sobbed. We sat there for about a half hour when she said that she needed to go home tonight. She would stop in the morning to pick up the little one. It would have been real disruptive to take her home now. I drove her home and we parted for the evening.

We weathered that Valentines Day, and for the next several weeks, things were been going well. Going well was important. Even with how well things were going, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I realized that I remained insecure. It was diminishing, but it was still there. I was spending more time at her apartment before and after her mother left. She was able to work through her mother leaving. Two weeks before her mother left, I asked both Cathy and Rita into their living room for a little something, a surprise for them both. From Bill, I was able to get her mother a used laptop with a built in webcam. I demonstrated to them all how Grandmother, mother and grand daughter would be able to Google video conference together. They did their first conference and were overjoyed. It was easier than they ever imagined. The physical distance between them all grew immediately smaller, and their sorrow lessened. I would never be close to Rita, but she gave me a big hug. Cathy was beaming. I knew that a mother is important to her daughter.

After a couple of weeks, I was feeling that the next step was to move back in together. My apartment lease was up in two months, so I felt that this may be a good time. Without telling her, I looked at a couple of apartments and found a good sized three bedroom that would fit our needs. I asked Cathy to help me look at it, telling her my lease was running out.

We were walking around it and it looked great. There was plenty of storage and the kitchen was good, not just livable. Then I said that there would be an entire spare room for Franciszka's toys. Cathy answered that it would be nice for when she visits. "Cathy, what are you talking about, visiting? Don't you think that it is time now?"

Cathy looked upset, then quickly fearful and then angry. "Yes we are going well, how long is this going to last? What if something goes wrong?" I was shocked and blurted out "I'm willing to take that chance. Will you take that chance with me? Will you and Franciszka take that chance with me?"

Cathy freaked out, there was a look of terror and fear in her eyes. "This has been so quick, I can't do it." She rushed out of the apartment, taking Freddie and crying. I started to race after her, but stopped. How could this go so wrong?

About three hours later, I got a call from Maria. She asked if she could stop on by. We sat down and she started to tell me about Cathy. "You know, she called me, sobbing. After understanding that it was about you, I went to her apartment and we talked. By the way, I asked, and she said that I could speak with you. I am breaking no confidences."

"Mike, what have you done with this woman?" I started to blurt out something when she stopped me. "That was rhetorical. Ease up and hear me out. She feels that you moved too fast. It is not that she does not love you, but you went forward with out her. She still has a lot of insecurities about what happened. I would be that way too."

"You need to find out, from her, what she is afraid of. Look at where she has come from. You always want to surprise her in a positive way, but ALWAYS would terrify me on some level. I would feel as if I was being dragged along. That's scary."

"Mike, you are a romantic, through and through. You wear your heart on your sleeve. What you are is what everybody sees. Nothing is hidden. And let's be honest, that can be daunting. Even for me that can be daunting. Yes, you sometimes rush forward when you should ask and talk first. I don't think that you will ever really change. But you can slow it down and get her needs met too. Tone it down buddy. Do you understand? This is a question of your intensity and her fears. She needs you to respect that of her. I know that you have it in you." She and I spoke for another couple of minutes. She gave me a hug, and left.

I did not feel as much as a failure as I did three hours ago, just a little bit less of a failure. Cathy had not answered my call, but I needed to contact her. She would have to get back to me at her own time. So, I sent a simple text message, in Latin, the working language of the Catholic Church when my parents were children. 'Mea culpa, Mea culpa, Mea maxima culpa' and I let it be, and prayed. Have not done that in a long time. I was asking for forgiveness.

Later that evening, a pair of girls showed up unannounced at my door. One was in diapers. We hugged like there was no tomorrow. I kept repeating "I'm sorry" time and time again, till the little one let out a giddy scream. She saw her toys waiting for her. Actually, I just had not put them away. Cathy took their coats off, I got something to drink for everyone. Then she and I sat down.

"Mike, I am scared. I was scared when you blurted out that we had a future together after the assault, I was scared when we started to work things out, I was scared when Dad and Franciszka were sick, I was even more than scared before we made passionate love and lust the first time again. We kept our separate apartments, but you have spent many nights at mine, and us at yours. Now I'm scared when you wanted us to move in with you."

"This is not about logic. This is not about love. It is not that I don't trust you, I'm afraid of failure. Failing Franciszka, failing you, failing my father, and failing me. I did it once, I can do it again. What if I don't measure up again? What if I get bored and want more spice? What if? What if?" and she started crying. I held her close and said not a word. This was not about logic, this was about history and commitment.

I had no idea that what I was going to say was going to make a difference. But I learned to speak from my heart. Sometimes it got me in trouble, but I went for it. "Cathy, I was scared when I blurted out that we could have a future together, I was terrified when we started to work things out, I could have approached you much sooner to make love again, but I did not. Guess why? Our lives together in our marriage were an emotional disaster that should have both of us never having a close relationship again. But we are here, sometimes in spite of who we are, other times because of who we are."

"But remember, we are human, and we are weak and have failures. Do I ever wake up in a cold sweat thinking that you will be gone? But I have to talk with my self. How realistic do I think that that is? You are afraid of disappointing all those people. I think that the biggest one is yourself, then comes Franciszka and your father. After that, everyone else can go to hell." I chuckled at my expense, Cathy did not, but she did get the attempt and smiled. "The most important person in your life is your daughter. That I most fully understand. That daughter has not ever been something that divided us. She actually was what brought us together." I paused and held her with my eyes. "You will never do anything to disappoint your daughter. You know that." She nodded slowly, as if remembering something she had forgotten. A knowing smile crossed her face. I took a deep breath. "And in the future, if things do not work out between us, you will be honorable in what you do. Because being honorable, you will not disappoint your daughter. That may mean that we have to part once again. But we will both be honorable. All this is the same for me. We did it the other way and I do not think that we could ever do that way again."

"When we were young, making mistakes did not mater that much, we could always move on. I see people of our parent's generation ending long term marriages. There are no guarantees for them, or us. There never were. There never will be. We just found it out much sooner. But with our history, and a real love for each other, and added maturity, we can decide to what works for us. Me rushing you was not good. Moving both of you in without your consent? Just springing it on you as a complete surprise? That was not a 'together' thing. I wanted it to be romantic, but I forgot that romance is only part of a marriage."

"Working together and listening to each others concerns is another part, a bigger part. I now know I scared you. I wanted to sweep you off your feet, and instead, I had you walk off a cliff. I will tone down my romantic streak. Flowers and dinners as a surprise are nice. Moving your ex-wife move in with you as a surprise? That should have been worked out together." I exhaled and looked into her eyes. "What do you think?"

We sat and hugged and kissed and cried, then changed a diaper. I got dinner ready. The local Thai place is great, and they deliver. This day was a real emotional roller coaster for us both. We took the rest of the evening just bonding. No one left the apartment till morning. We both learned something important that day.

It took a while, but we finally got around to talking about moving in together. Cathy was the one that brought it up. Her lease was up four months after mine, so I got a larger place. She stayed put. We did start bringing things over, a little bit at a time. When it came time for the big move, we scheduled a whole weekend. She kept a weeks worth of clothes at my place ready for her and Franciszka. Just in case things got screwed up. She did not want to have to scramble on a Monday morning.

I was helping to pack her things from her dresser during the week before the move. I would go over after work and packed while she was taking care of little Freddie. Filling boxes one day, I started taking things from her top dresser drawer and found something. Covered only by a single sweater, it was a reminder of our break up. It was our wedding picture, frame and picture cracked in half, as I had directed, with my wedding ring still taped to the broken glass. I don't think that she wanted me to see that. I quickly returned everything to that dresser drawer and worked feverishly on a different dresser. Making some reasonable progress, I had just completed a box just in time when the two of them came into the room.

Franciszka was a bit figetity and Cathy was a little tired. So I offered to take the little girl, and make a quick dinner at the same time. Soup out of a can, sandwiches, a pot of herbal tea for us. For the baby, fresh mac and cheese. My normal bachelor level cooking for a quick dinner. I had just finished the last of the preparations, when Cathy joined us in the kitchen. She had finished the two dressers in her bedroom, emptied and packed in boxes.

Later, after Franciszka was put to bed, I saw that Cathy was exhausted, so I kissed her goodnight and took the packed boxes to my new place. She wanted to do her own unpacking, so I let the boxes sit. I was really torn and wanted to look at that picture again, but I did not. I needed to respect her. If she wants to tell me in the future, that will be her choice. I have to respect where she is at, and respect her choices. It is hard being good when you are insecure.

The move ended up being uneventful. Nothing broken and all it cost was the truck for 3 hours, and KFC with beer for a crew of 10 friends and relatives. Her father watched Franciszka that morning, and brought her back over at 6 PM, along with take out from the Red Apple, a Polish restaurant that he likes. He left by 7 and there was only about an hour of things that needed to be finished. Cathy gave the little one a bath while I finished. After she was put into her crib, we collapsed on the couch with two glasses of wine each. We fell fast asleep for half an hour.

I woke up first, and had an idea. I had the opportunity to do something I desired to do for a while. Heavy on the word desired. I quietly went into the bedroom and got some things. I had closed Franciszka's door before, so I knew that we would not disturb her. Then I went to the couch and carefully looped a tie over each of her ankles and fastened each to a different couch leg. She had jeans on, so she did not feel a thing. Then I gently tied Cathy's hands together and pulled them over her head, fastening that tie to the final leg. She started to stir and then I slowly started to unbutton her blouse. Just like me when we made love the first time again, she realized, but only quicker, that she was restrained. She smiled. That is when I whispered into her ear that her safe word was Canada, and she giggled.

I continued to slowly unbutton her blouse, but did not open it up. I went back to the kitchen and brought out the merlot and the chocolate. Heating the chocolate in my hands, I got it good and soft, then slowly traced her lips with it several times before I let her taste it after dunking it in the wine. While I was doing this, I had started to caress her bra covered tits. She was quietly moaning when I quickly stuck the rest of the chocolate into her mouth.

Licking my fingers clean, I stated to open her front clasped bra. I would have had a heck of a time if it was a rear clasp one. When she was open to me, I bent down and started to slowly caress her tits, one at a time, sometimes far from her nipple, other times rolling it harshly. She was getting more and more worked up, and loving it. Then she got a mischievous glint in her eye. Looking directly at me she said, "Canadian" and giggled. I was toying with her, but she was toying right back.

I drove my head onto her right tit and sucked it for all it was worth. She squealed. I continued to pleasure her with my mouth while my hands started south to her legs. Caressing her through her jeans was getting to her. That was when she said, "You can take longer later, but not right now mister." Smiling, I untied only one of her legs, and then my hands went to her jean button and zipper. She lifted up her bottom for me to pull her jeans down. I only took one leg out, and then retied that leg. That left her in her panties and a smile on her face that only matched mine.

I pulled out the vibrator and she said with a smile, "Is that what you are going to attack me with you filthy bastard?" I brought it to her lips. She opened her mouth and licked it. "Tastes just like me, and you." Then I moved it to her neck, then tits. She play struggled with her bonds. I heard an "Oh yes that feels so good" while I sucked on her right one and the vibrator on her other. All the while her legs were trying to rub together. My other hand was between her legs, pulling her panties on the side and caressing her slit. I slowly moved all my attention to her cunt and brought the dildo to her pussy. She was moaning softly at first, but started getting louder and louder. I was getting her close.

I stopped short of allowing her to cum. The look of disappointment on her face was replaced with a smile when I started taking off my clothes. Then I brought out something new, a life-like dildo. Her mouth opened when she saw it. "Please mister, please don't put that in me." I smiled, we were into a new game for us. We never played this type of game before, and it was going to be a fun new experience. I was going to enjoy it.

"Little princess, what is it that you don't want me to do with this?" Holding up the dildo in front of her face. "You are in no position to say no, are you?" Her arms and legs struggled with the bonds. "No my little one, I will do what I want. And if you are not good for me, I have more places to put it, don't I?"