He was going to leave it at that. It had been this way for a couple of weeks. Was the romance going out of their relationship?
"We should take two cars today, babe," Kyle said in a low voice. He was turned away from her, sitting on the bed, not looking at her. His hand went for the pack of cigarettes sitting beside an ash tray on the nightstand. But the hand wavered there, as he fought for control.
Susan watched him closely. He'd promised to give up smokingâfor her. Somehow what he did in the next few seconds was all important to her. Was it already over? She'd thought that he was the one. She'd never thought that before. She'd never had a relationship that went this far. She'd never been permitted toâhad been warned that if she committed that deeply to anyone, she'd be giving up the life she had. She didn't know what it meant for the passion to level offâwhether what they were drifting into was worth the change it would bring for her. It wasn't quite gone, of course. He'd taken good care of her.
He'd stroked her breasts with his hands while he'd licked down her belly and into her folds, working his tongue as she moaned and was overcome with waves and waves of passion. Until he was hovering over her, with her panting body locked between his elbows and knees, and slowly entering her as she rolled her hips up to receive him, to take as much of him inside her as she could.
He'd done everything he'd always done to prepare her and then to take her to heaven. But after they'd both exploded, her before him, Kyle had just rolled off her and sat there on the edge of the bed, his hand hovering over his pack of cigarettes, facing away from her. The connection lost too soon.
Earlier in their relationship, that hadn't been the end of it. They had lain stretched against edge other, moving their hands over each other's bodies, and whispering to each other while, when there was time, building to a second, slower and more languid and often more fulfilling coupling.
Susan couldn't bear to watch him now. She turned toward the wall, not wanting to see Kyle pick up those cigarettes. Tears were coming to her eyes, but she fought them back. Tears wouldn't help; they would only make Kyle defensive. He wouldn't think that she had any reason to be crying. He'd made her shudder and moan and to flow for him. He wouldn't understand what was wrong.
When she heard the bathroom door close, she turned back toward the closed door. That was another thing that hadn't happened in past weeks. He hadn't shut the bathroom door on her. In fact, they usually had showered together.
Her eyes went to the nightstand. The cigarette pack was still there. It hadn't been opened.
She was losing her grip on himâbut not entirely; not yet. She had been told it might come to this. She had to decide whether she wanted to fight for the relationship or just let it ride. She had been warned she couldn't have it both ways for very much longer, that she had to choose between her worlds. She had to choose. But maybe not the ultimate choice just yet. She sat there in the bed, listening for the sounds of the apartment, waiting for him to finish his breakfast and to leave for work.
When she heard the apartment door shut, she rolled over in the bed and reached for the telephone to call Mariah.
* * * *
She hadn't asked why they should drive to work separately. He'd had an excuse all set. He even was covered. His friend Stan had agreed to say that Kyle was going to help him move furniture that evening. But she hadn't even asked. Maybe she just didn't care?
He shifted gears hard, frustrated at what was happening to them. His friends said it was himâthat it was because he had hit twenty-nine, which was only one year away from no longer being young. And what had he done, or seen, or experienced in life that was in any way amazing?
Well, it had been amazing with Susanâat least for a while. He'd been looking for an amazing hookup for years about everywhere he could think of, and then it had just happened, close to home. He worked in a party and costume shop and Susan had worked there too for several months before he realized how sexy she was. She was a quiet oneâat least on the job and in public. But one day he had looked at her and been bewitched, shocked that he hadn't seen her before. And, boy, in bed she'd been something else entirely. At least for months.
The last several weeks, though, something wasn't quite right in their relationship. Susan had been quieter than before, and she wasn't as affectionate as she had been. She hadn't touched him and given him "those looks" like she had when they'd first gotten together. It was like a volcano when they'd first hooked up. Now, even though the fucking was still good, there was always the thought that maybe this was the last time it would workâthat the heat was coolingâthat they cooled down too fast. At least that he did.
Kyle was nearly thirty. He needed a volcano that exploded more spectacularly with every fucking. His relationship with Susan was moving to simmer.
She hadn't even asked where he was going this evening that they couldn't go to work together. He'd almost wished she'd pin him down to find out where he was going. Something had to happen. Either they would get back on keel or they'd have to pack it in.
He should never have gone to the club to begin with. Now he was obsessed by a blonde named Tiffanyâor so she claimedâat the club. A pole dancer. They'd never done it, but she was a real tease, and he increasingly wondered what it would be like to be with her. Could she be that volcano that went off with increasing fireworks each and every time? He'd never know if he didn't give it a try.
He was nearly thirty. Time was running out and he knew there was more.
* * * *