Eisenhower's highway stretched out towards the horizon and over the hills. Slouching in the passenger seat, I looked to my right at the towering buildings huddling together in the distance. But the outskirts remained still beneath the setting sun. I was twenty years old and going home.
"Hey, I'm guessing that's you, Lou?" someone called from around the corner as I closed the door to our apartment. The space was nothing fantastic, but it was ours to share. A small pile of clothes lay on the couch but no one was there. The voice must have come from the kitchen.
"Hey, Emily. Yeah, I'm back," I said as I walked to the kitchen. She was standing at the counter chopping vegetables, wearing a NASA t-shirt and tan pajama pants. "Hey! I told you not to worry about it, let me help." I walked over the cabinets and grabbed a few containers to put the vegetables in before grabbing a knife from the drawers.
"Aw, thanks, Lou. It's okay, I just thought I would go ahead and get some of it done."
"How was work?" I grabbed a cucumber and started slicing it.
"It wasn't too bad today. Drew was in a bit of a mood today, but I was able to get some work done with Sean and Ana. We're also trying to organize a book club, but we probably need a few more people to sign-up."
"Ooo that sounds fun. What will the book club be about?"
"We're not sure yet actually. Sean and Ana really enjoy current affairs and new fiction while Drew and I are more into philosophy and classic literature. But I think our interests go together pretty well. Sound interesting?"
"Sounds like we're all a bunch of nerds," I jabbed back. We both laughed. Emily was in her early thirties but we met at university and became good friends despite the age gap. We eventually agreed to share a small apartment together (though neither of us were making great money). I decided to be a full-time student and work part-time as a cashier at the drugstore while she graduated last year and has been working at the library since then. "But at least we're not boring." We laughed again. "Oh, speaking of which. Tomorrow's Saturday. Do you want to maybe go to the zoo and grab some lunch together afterwards?"
Emily smiled. "Yeah, that sounds fun actually. I might grab some coffee with Ana in the morning, but I can swing back by here afterwards and we can go together if that's okay?"
I smiled back. "Sounds good to me. I'll be waiting for you."
She looked away and continued to cut the vegetables, but her cheeks were red. And so were mine. I thought about saying more but I wanted to enjoy the moment. We finished cutting and putting away the vegetables and then went to bed.
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I woke up around 11 in the morning the next day. Emily was still out and so I showered, ate, did fold some laundry and read while waiting for her.
"Heeey, Lou!" she finally came through the door. She was wearing a short yellow summer dress that complimented her emerald eyes and red hair that fell to her bare shoulders. Emily would often ask me with a nervous smile, "Do I look fat?" I think part of Emily knew she was very pretty, but another part of her either felt guilty about being beautiful or worried about others finding her to be less than exceptional. Her anxiety was completely irrational but treating it as unimportant or replying with nothing more than cliché reassurance would not suddenly 'fix' her. I chose to simply walk beside her, as the philosopher Albert Camus once suggested.
As Emily closed the door, she kicked off a pair of sandals made of beige bottoms and jet black straps, revealing two naked feet. While we walked beside each other as mentioned before, I often found myself hopelessly drawn to Emily's small feet and her natural toes. She may have been aware of my Achilles's heel and wiggled her toes on the floor before walking over to me.
"Are you ready?"
I tried to regain my focus. "Yeah, you wanna take the train or drive?"
"Mmm," she looked up and thought for a moment. "I always like riding the train because of the scenery... and neither of us are in hurry... But what do you think?"
"Sounds good to me. Works out since we both have a pass already and the train station is only a couple of blocks away from the zoo."
"Am I fat?" Emily wore a nervous smile on her face.
I hugged her and giggled some. "Let's go. I like that color of yellow on your dress."
People flooded the station worse than whatever flood Noah is said to have escaped from. I think I liked people, but uncoordinated crowds made me feel clumsy and more self-conscious than usual. Emily must have noticed when I seemed more anxious than usual because she would sometimes take the lead. (I would then become insecure about being so anxious and try to retake the lead which would always make her laugh.)
Emily and I sat across from each other on the train while passing through the city.
"So what have you been reading lately?" I asked. I caught myself quickly glancing down at her feet and then back to her eyes. I nearly panicked. Did she notice?
"I've been reading Balman Custard's Niconic Verses. I haven't read much of it yet but apparently it was so upsetting that the author had been targeted for offending some people." Emily propped her feet up on the seat beside me. Her toes peaked out from the ends of her sandals.
"Wow. Maybe I can read it after you, that sounds pretty interesting actually."
Emily's feet bumped into my arm, drawing another glance from me. "For sure! Or maybe we could even read it together if you want?"
"Yeah, that'd be fun!" I looked out the window to try to distract myself. We were passing some open fields on the outskirts of the city. I liked to watch them pass by and stare into the distance, thinking. I felt guilty about gazing at Emily and finding her pretty. We were closer than friends but not explicitly romantic. There was something about that undefinable intimacy between us that made me want to be close to her, so close that I wanted to see her toes and red hair as irresistible as the fun, quirky, witty Emily that animated them. Her bright yellow dress was meaningless apart from her loud and comforting laugh.
"Lou?" Emily reached over and tapped my shoulder. "Lou? Have you zoned out again?" She giggled.
"O-oh, sorry," her voice tore my face away from the window. I looked into her eyes and paused for a moment.
Emily laughed. "Hellloooo, Lou! What's on your mind?"
I think I developed this habit as a child. When I feel nervous, I dissociate. The same thing happens in crowds sometimes. Then I would feel guilty about it. I was sure Emily probably thought I was a boring dork with predictable, perverted impulses and found me difficult to spend time with because I was often quietly thinking. But Emily's voice grounded me to the present. "N-nothing. Just looking out at the fields. Pretty out today." I tried smiling. I wanted to respond with more.
