🎼Like a Fool
I left Jake outside of my townhome, shutting the door and taking a deep breath, willing my tears away. I forced myself to forget about how Jake pleaded with me and how distressed he looked during our talk. Instead, I thought about every time he ignored, embarrassed, controlled, or manipulated me. Remembering how I chased after, pleaded with, and cried over him made me feel pathetic. We were together less than three months and I felt like such an idiot. My best friend Rocky, who is dating Jake's best friend Brandon, told me about Jake's womanizing ways. My roommate Sammy slept with him first and warned me he wouldn't take me seriously. My other best friend Trevor made it clear he didn't understand why I would even give him a chance. I didn't listen to any of them- I fucked around and developed feelings for him while he was just using me. I tried so hard to keep him happy and be the perfect girlfriend. I became one of those girls who put up with anything from a guy because of 'love'. If he truly did love me, would I have needed to try so hard? Even if he did love me, it wasn't worth it if I had to change myself to please him.
I didn't want to think about how easily I was willing to change for Jake, so I focused on cutting him off completely. I already changed my relationship status to single on Facebook. After I left Jake's dad's house, I put my phone on silent because I wasn't ready to talk to him. I was upset, but also afraid if I did speak to him, I would only cave and go back. When I woke up this morning, I was dismayed to realize that I didn't need to worry about Jake trying to talk to me. His sister Jasmine tried to reach out to me more than he did- I had several missed calls, texts, and a Facebook message from her. I was both upset and disappointed that he didn't try harder to get in touch with me, but not surprised. If there was any doubt about what Omar said, Jake's lack of concern for me clearly confirmed everything I overheard, so I immediately changed my relationship status. I knew I was being immature and petty doing that before talking to Jake, but I thought it was perfect. He asked me out on Facebook, why not end it that way too? As a result of my changing my relationship status, I received a ton of texts and phone calls asking me what happened between us. I didn't have the mental energy to deal with it all today, so I ignored all the messages. Now that I conveyed to Jake in person I was done with him, I needed to tell my friends to prove it and move on.
Me:
Hey, no drama with Jake. It just wasn't working out. I'm ok, thanks for checking on me.
I sent another message to Jasmine only because she'd been trying to reach out to me the most. I felt like she tried to warn me about his ex Cara, and I appreciated her for looking out for me. Even though Jake and I were done, I hoped we could still stay friends.
Me:
Jake and I broke up. Thank you for everything you did to help us. We tried, but it just didn't work.
She wrote back right away.
Jasmine:
I figured. Is there any way you can give him another chance? He doesn't even know what he did. You should talk to him instead of running away.
Me:
I just talked to him. I don't see us being together so there's no point in another chance.
Jasmine:
Ok Lily. Good luck with everything.
Me:
You too.
As I changed into my workout clothes, I was a little disheartened by Jasmine's reply. Texting her felt like another huge mistake. The idea of being friends was a stupid. How awkward would it be if we remained friends when I didn't even want to be in the same room with her brother? I understood I needed to move on from all of it, but it was still upsetting. I put on my headphones and went for a run, knowing the combination of exercise and music would clear my mind and help me focus on not thinking about Jake.
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The rest of the week, I continued to keep Jake out of my life and move on. Not sure who said it, but it's been said the best revenge was living well, so that's what I was going to do. I focused on bettering myself. I worked hard at my job at the physical therapy clinic, going above and beyond with my patients and co-workers. I even volunteered to come to the clinic Saturday so my new boss Sandra could take her kids to the fair. I went home every day, jogged to the grocery store, and picked up ingredients for dinner. I tried new recipes that my aunt had sent me, and interesting recipes I found online.
Staying busy did not allow me time to think about Jake. The only time I thought about him was at night. I broke down and listened to the voicemails and read the texts he sent. They all said the same thing: he needed to talk to me so he could explain everything and he missed me. He left me a long message telling me how sorry he was and how much he loved me. That's what finally encouraged me to block his number. I couldn't move on if I kept questioning myself if I made the right choice.
Friday night, Sammy and I went shopping together. She was chatting about a gig she got for the private bartender company she was working for called "The Honey Bs". It was at a rooftop party and she was going on about finding a rooftop bar or lounge we can go to when she is not working at either of her jobs. She tried to broach the "Jake" subject numerous times all week, but I cut her off. I didn't wanna talk about him at all. I followed her around, trying on stuff but buying nothing. After a few hours, she informed me she had plans and we headed back to our townhome.
Saturday morning, I was alone at the clinic, scrolling through Facebook and Instagram on my phone. Like a moth drawn to a flame, I checked out Jake's profiles. Nothing recent but birthday posts, wishes, and pictures his friends and family tagged him in. I did something I never did: searched his friends/followers list for Cara. A girl popped up, but she wasn't in Georgia and didn't look related to Criscelle, her sister I met at Jake's family Labor day barbeque, so I ruled her out.
I went on Jasmine's profiles and searched too. Nothing. I wished I knew her last name. I didn't care about Cara while Jake and I were dating, but after what I heard from Omar, I was insanely curious about her. I wanted to know what she looked like, what she did, and if we had anything in common, besides Jake. I know I shouldn't care, but I did. I knew it wouldn't change anything, but I still wanted to know.
"Mornin!"Quintin greeted as he came into the office.
"Hey, good morning." I said after I looked up and snuck my phone back into my purse.
"Where's Sandra?" He asked.
"I'm Sandra today. I told her I would watch over the clinic so she could take her kids to the fair." I informed him.
He nodded. "Nice. I have an appointment in an hour. I'm gonna get a workout in before my patient gets here."
"Cool." I smiled.
"The new guy should be here too. I told him he could shadow me." Quintin added.
"I thought we weren't shadowing anymore." I said, confused.
Quintin rolled his eyes. "This kid just got licensed. It's his first job ever. He needs to shadow."
I nodded, understandably. We were desperate for new people after my previous boss Derek left and took 2 physical therapists to the Children's Hospital with him. The weeks after they left were so hectic, I was just elated relief was in sight, even if the new hires needed additional training.
My Saturday at the clinic was long and boring. I did meet the new guy Kendal. He seemed nice enough and eager to get his own patients. After the last patient left for the day, I went straight home, longing for food and my bed. I was greeted by Rocky, Sammy, and Trevor all in the den waiting for me when I got home.
"Hey..." I said, uneasy. I knew they weren't there just because they were in the neighborhood. I loved my friends, but they could be overbearing and I simply wanted to be left alone. "What's up?"
