I trudged unfulfilled down the road. Fiona and I had been going together ever since her first day working with me, not exactly with me, just at the same company. We flirted at work, and I was looking forward to the continuation of this as our relationship stepped up a few notches from just good friends.
Unfortunately, every time it looked as if I would be allowed to the next level, she would get out the book of excuse and deny me. Tonight, it was page thirty-four that sealed my fate.
Head bowed and staring at my feet, I slowly made my way back home when I heard it. "Hist."
I looked around, trying to identify the source. "Hist, over here." There was a rabbit, a very large white rabbit, standing next to a hedge pulling the branches aside. "Over here."
I walked over to where he stood. I assumed the it was a he, but I could be wrong.
"Who, or what are you?" I asked.
"Look." He pointed to a hole in the ground behind the hedge. It wasn't much as rabbit holes go, just big enough for me to look down. It seemed to go on forever, no light at the end. As my eyes got used to the darkness, I could see that the sides were smooth and round, not like a normal rabbit hole at all.
I didn't hear who or what had snuck up behind me, but the next I knew was that I was plummeting at an ever increasing speed down the hole. It got steeper until I was going straight down. Just when I thought that I would never stop, it began to level out and then rise up. I could see daylight ahead of me, nothing else, just daylight, until I emerged, high above a lake. Wow! I immediately began a series of forward somersaults with pike until I was heading for the water. Straightening at the last second, I entered the water with barely a ripple. Down I went for some distance before turning to head for the surface.
A shape loomed above me, a long streamlined shape. As I neared it, its mouth opened wide revealing a formidable row of sharp teeth. This is it, I thought to myself, death by great white shark, not the way I wanted to die. As I neared it. It looked at me. "G'day mate, how're you going?"
"Fine thank you." I stammered, still unsure of what was happening.
"Don't worry about me, mate, you're much too skinny for lunch, no flesh and all those bones. There's this fat sheila a couple of hundred metres away that looks much tastier, maybe too much fat, who knows. See ya." And off he went.
I surfaced to be confronted by a crowd of cheering people and, in front of them a row of people seated at a long desk. They each held up a card with the number 10.
"A perfect ten from all judges, he is our new champion!" Announced the announcer in that voice that announces some magnificent feat of athletic prowess.
I swam to the shore and climbed the ladder onto the bank, hauling myself out. The crowd moved aside as the most beautiful young woman that I have ever seen appeared, holding a large gold medal in her hand. "Congratulations on a most magnificent dive." She placed the medal around my neck and kissed me. "Won't you come with me to the royal box to watch the rest of the games." She didn't wait for my response. I had no choice but to follow. "I am Princess Cecilia."
"I am pleased to meet you, your majesty."
"Please, don't be so formal, you may call me Ceci, or Darling if you like."
"But, but," I stammered, "I do not know you."
"But you will, you will". She pushed open a door and led me into a sumptuous room furnished with much opulence. At the front, looking down over the events, was a man wearing a jewel encrusted crown and a woman wearing a diamond tiara. "Father, Mother, I would like you to meet.. "
She turned to me, "What shall I call you?"
"Timothy, Timothy Smith."
"That won't do at all. I would like you to meet Lawrence Harmon."
"Pleased to meet you, my boy." The king said. "My word that was a spectacular dive."
"Thank you, sir." I didn't know whether to bow to him or not, so I stood there looking uncomfortable.
"Take a seat my boy." He pointed to the chair beside him. Cecilia quickly sat in the indicated seat leaving me to sit beside he.
"Isn't this wonderful." She said, linking her arm with mine.
"Where am I?" I asked.
"You are in Everland."
"I've heard of Neverland but never Everland."
"No, not Nevereverland, just plain Everland."
"I don't know what is happening, there I was looking down this rabbit hole, the biggest that I've ever seen, and I felt someone, or something push me. I plummeted headfirst down the hole until I shot out over this lake and, ever the exhibitionist, I decided to make the most of the situation by turning an ungraceful entry into the water into a series of forward somersaults with pike before straightening up into a dive to enter the water with as small a splash as I could."
"It was indeed a small splash, much better than that of those who have come before."
"How many have come before?" I asked.
"I have three older sisters, so one for each."
"So, this is the way that you trap young men, is it?"
"We didn't trap you so much as entice you to join us. The rabbit hole that you looked down no longer exists now that you have joined us, joined me."
"So, there's no way that I can leave, is that it?"
"Do you want to leave?"
"As things stand, no."
"Well then, you have no worries. In Everland there are no worries."
"Something odd happened as I swam to the surface, I met this ferocious shark who I expected would eat me, but he explained that I was safe because there was a fat lady further away."
"Oh, that would have been Noah, take no notice of him, he's harmless and the fat lady is safe."
"Are there any other talking animals?"
"Oh, they all talk. Some are quite interesting while others, like Simon the Sloth, waiting for him to complete a sentence is the most boring time you can ever spend."
She led me from the marquee to a waiting open carriage. "Where to mistress?" Wellington, the lead horse asked.
"How many times must I tell you that, when my parents aren't around you may call me Ceci. Take us home."
"Your home or Sir's?"
"My home and Lawrence's are the same destination. He and I are to marry."
"My congratulations to both of you. Wake up!" He said to Farncombe, the other horse, "We have work to do."
It seemed strange to me, never having ridden in a carriage of any sort to find myself in one without a driver. I know that there is talk of driver-less cars, but driver-less carriages is different.