The circus got off to a roaring start from the moment that I walked off the plane. A fellow in a good suit, expensive shoes and a chauffeur's hat was holding a sign with my name on it, 'Mr. P. Wells', or at least most of it. He asked for my Texas Driver's License and actually examined it closely (another sure sign that he was really FBI), then he grabbed my one carry-on bag and we were soon driving off towards downtown in a large black SUV that couldn't have screamed 'Government' more if it tried. The driver, an Agent whose name I was apparently not worthy enough to receive, answered all of my numerous questions promptly with, "I don't know Sir," "I don't have that information, Sir" or "I can't divulge that information at this time, Sir."
Exasperated I asked him how long he had been sleeping with his boss's wife? To which I got the more candid reply, "That I could tell you Sir, but then I'd have to kill you." Who says FBI agents have no sense of humor!
We got checked into a nice downtown 3 or 4 star hotel and I was hustled up to my room without ever having to sign in, nor did I in fact actually ever receive a room key from anyone for several days. Swell. The party in my hotel suite appeared to be already in full swing. No it wasn't
that
kind of party (mores the pity). Instead there were four FBI agents (three local San Diego based Field Agents and also Allison's kidnapping case Agent from DC) facing down three DEA agents from across a table.
Everyone was shouting and no one was particularly listening. Another fellow whose name and agency I never did find out, but screamed hardcore Government such as Secret Service or 'No Such Agency', was attempting to play mediator between the FBI and DEA but no one was listening to him either. Three lonely looking dogfaced fellows in cheap suits who looked like they might actually work for a living were sitting on a sofa near the window. Obviously these were the local SDPD boys and they were all far too unimportant for the feds to be wasting any time dealing with. Those were my kind of fellas. I walked over and joined them in a chair where we quietly traded information and bets on which fed was most likely to get pistol-whipped first.
I learned what I needed to know fast, and we started to come up with the bare bones of a plan.
About half an hour into our private skull session a leggy lady with short-ish raven hair, probably about in her late 30's but still very decorative, came over and, without introduction, sat in the remaining chair with the rest of the 'B-team'. Turned out that she was a local Fed also who usually worked on Navy operations with NCIS and was primarily their coordinator with other agencies, but she had hostage negotiation experience. She also had some useful local info on a few of the individuals who were likely to be involved and she didn't have a big hard-on for getting the lions share of the credit also - she was very willing to share her toys. She didn't speak much but when she did it was usually involving something critical the rest of us had overlooked. Without her sage advice I'm sure the entire operation might have become a total clusterfuck⦠it was a very near thing as it was.
Eventually the Fed boys noticed that I had arrived, stopped rattling their sabers at each and instead started to dictate plans of action towards me. I listened as politely as I could manage, but after about forty-five minutes of restraining the urge to do some pistol-whipping myself, I interrupted.
"Ok, fine, I think I understand your plan. Well it sucks, it's going to get people like Allison or myself killed. Fuck you all very much. I've got a much better plan and I don't
need
you involved at all."
The fed boys were all flabbergasted and speechless. Good start! I continued, "Now that we have established that, here is
my
plan. This is the plan that we are going to use if you in any way shape fashion or form want my help, otherwise fly back to where ever you came from and go back to fucking yourselves in whatever deep and dark basement they usually keep you locked up in." Jaws were dropping all over the room; the SDPD guys were trying to refrain from laughing and not succeeding at all (I became their bosom buddy for life, saying what they all had felt, but couldn't dare say politically).
"Here is the Primary Objective, the rescue of Allison Blair, assuming she is alive and able to be rescued. There are no other Primary Objectives for this mission! I understand and I am aware that there are some folks here with itchy guns wanting to make some major arrests for narcotics trafficking, kidnapping, slavery, interstate prostitution, gun running, murder, counterfeiting, money laundering and every other facet of organized crime but those objectives are secondary and
optional
, so long as these do not conflict with our Primary Objective. Are we understood"?