Sexy looking Danni Hartley re-read the rejection slip in dismay: 'Readers of hot romance today expect something connected with hot sex to occur on every few pages. Your MS is beautifully crafted but alas the hero only had sex on page 121.5 of the 313 pages and the poor heroine, from what we can make out, is going on her honeymoon a virgin. But hey, thanks for your submission.'
Danni didn't dare show the response to her husband Tim. Her mom Alice read it and clucked, "There I said you weren't the type to write filth. You should have heeded me an written interesting observations to be included in The Parish Monthly."
Danni groaned.
Married four years ago and possessing a master's in English Lit and house-bound because well-paid Tim didn't believe she should work, Danni had weakly complied to bury herself at home. After three weeks and bored out of her mind she thought she would attempt to write a novel. It filled her life because there are only so many days in a week one could go to the mall or the hairdresser's or play golf.
It took her four days to decide on genre but that's another story. She finally chose hot romance because the thought of sex was never far from her mind although Tim, eleven years her senior, was what women know as 'a once a week guy'. Her parents had sent her to an all-female college and so she'd been brought right through to adulthood to equate sex to procreation.
Danni appeared destined to never know how the alternative side of the population lived their wicked lives. But that changed. Tim was selected and accepted the honor to lead of team of twenty financial advisors from around the country to spend three weeks in Europe on a fact-finding tour to discover if the Europeans knew anything new to America. When Alice heard that Danni intended to live three weeks alone she panicked and arranged for Danni to stay with her kid sister Marigold.
Aunt Marigold, wearing big oval earrings and a smaller version through her left nostril, met the timid [correct, timid] New Yorker at LA airport. It then occurred to Danni her mom hadn't seen her sister since the wedding to Boris nine years ago.
"God you look great and great tits," Aunt M said and Danni looked around fearfully expecting listening people to be call police to arrest them.
But nothing happened.
They arrived at the very untidy house 'by' the beach that was eleven blocks away from the beach. Boris came to the door to greet them, swaying. Aunt M took a grubby-looking cigarette from him and inhaled heavily and she expelled, smiling.
"Want a puff?"
"No thanks. Um I most apologize but I'm leaving. I'm not into drugs or untidiness and..."
"Well go. God you are just like your mother, living in the pocket of the church and attempting to change how we decide to live our lives."
"Here's my phone number."
"Stick it."
"Very well. Goodbye Uncle Boris and goodbye you slatternly slut."
"Oh I say you have got a bit more firepower than your mother. Keep out of harm's way kid. Where will you go?"
"Anywhere to experience the real world of dreams and adventure and love."
"What are you on Danni?"
"Nothing."
"Never heard of it. It must be a new concoction. I'm said you won't find great dreams, adventure and love around here. This is California."
"I have an old school friend who now lives here in LA."
"Okay well come back if you get tired of her kid. Boris and I had expected to have a three-way with you tonight."
Danni walked off with her backpack and tote, her mind reeling. God her mom would have a fit if she could visualize her daughter being loose and alone in this concrete jungle. She was quite astonished to find she wasn't scared or even apprehensive.
The cabbie couldn't understand her accent and she found that was because he had difficulty speaking English. He handed her his book of maps and Danni pointed to the street and his said in halting English "Oh there" as if he'd understood all the time.
After about twenty hours, perhaps it was twenty minutes, they arrived on the street and Danni held up nine fingers and he deposited her outside 9 Leith Ave and overcharged her hideously, or so she suspected.
She rang the doorbell but no one came running. So she pushed in the button and held it in and could hear it ringing.
"Why the fuck are you in a hurry? Give me a break you house-calling religious asshole."
God the guy sounded angry.
The door flew open and Danni, a 26-year-old pale blonde with pale skin and full and very red lips, swallowed at the guy who looked perhaps under thirty. He'd glared at her and shouted "What? I was in the fucking shower... er oh sorry miss."
"It's Mrs."
"You are too young to be married," he said, jiggling the front of his towel and looking down at obviously what must reside within its depths.
"I'm looking for Carla Hoover."
"The folk and Carla have gone to Frisco, Colorado for the weekend. I'm Carla's older brother..."
"Perry."
"Ah so she'd told you about me eh?"
"Yeah and it was uncomplimentary at times."
He grinned and said that would be Carla. "Come on in."
"What with you in that state."
"Oh excuse me, I'll remove my towel."
She laughed and he grinned and she entered, brushing past him.
"What's your name?"
"Oh sorry. Danni Hartley."
"Danni McCool as you were at college?"
"Why yes. How is it you remembered that?"
"You twice scored 68s in a round of female golf in your college zone, breaking the existing record low by four strokes and then equaling it again and that second time you lead Carla and others in your team to victory to take the intercollegiate shield, the first time in it's history your college has held that trophy. Carla sent us the newspaper cutting and I remember the headline, 'Cool McCool Takes Our Girls to Victory."
"Why yes and that was a golfing first for our college in its 94-year history but that college only allowed its girls to play golf from 1978. I'm astonished you remember such detail."
"I remember outstanding sports statistic, starting at it when I was a kid and went crazy about baseball stats. I became good at that and good at nothing much else," he said, closing the door. "You have a cute butt. Do we kiss?"
"If you wish."
They kissed and he said she'd surprised him. "I thought you would have run scared, being married and all that."
"I kiss women, mainly relatives, so why shouldn't I kiss you or is there some ulterior motive behind your kiss?"
"Who me?" he said innocently and Danni said to herself, jeepers, she was creating emotive dialogue with sexual undertones and increasing the tension between the protagonist and the heroine without even trying. Holy shit... er what a surprise.