I had never known my father. Mum told me she was trying to protect him, saving him from having his life disrupted as hers had been. She was 16 when I was born, two years off finishing high school. He had told her that it was impossible to get pregnant the first time and although she knew that wasn't true, she was caught up in the heat of the moment. At that stage abortion was illegal in the state we lived in. Mum said she didn't really mind as she would not have terminated her pregnancy, and she set out to give me as good a life as she could.
Later, Mum told me she was bored at school which was shy she discovered boys. She always told me that although I was unplanned, I was not a mistake. My grandparents were embarrassed with my existence, so Mum moved away to a regional town where housing was cheaper and did the best she could with the pittance the government provided to a sole parent. Her father would sometimes put money into her account when he felt guilty. Mum would receive a birthday card from her parents each year, simply addressed 'To Greta,' with no evidence of any form of love, but apart from that we had no contact. Even though we were financially poor, Mum was amazing and made sure I had a rich childhood. She took me to the library several times per week and would read stories. We went to a free playgroup at a local church where I made friends. Mum has always had a beautiful voice and she would sing to me. I never noticed I wore hand-me-down clothes and I felt loved.
When I started school, Mum told me it was time for her to get back to school too. She did a bridging course at the local university and topped the class. They told her she could enrol in any course she wanted. Mum chose law, explaining that she wanted to make a difference. As I finished primary school, Mum graduated university with first class honours. As much as I try and remember the highlights of her graduation day, I still remember my grandparents not bothering to show and again my grandfather depositing money which Mum used to take us out to dinner.
Mum had met and fallen in love with Jarrod who had also been studying law with her and they married when I was 12. Jarrod made me laugh and was an amazing stepdad. He was the oldest of four children and his baby sister, Ruby, was a year older than me. His parents took me in as a grandchild and spoilt me rotten. Again, Mum's parents had refused to attend the wedding of their only child, but once again, my so-called grandfather deposited money into Mum's account.
Despite getting jobs at a top law firm, Mum and Jarrod insisted they job share so that one of them would be there for me when I got home from school. It didn't take too long and I had a baby sister, Zoe followed two years later by Noah and two years later, when I was in my final year of high school, Ethan. I was present for all their births and seeing the love that Mum and Jarrod shared made me decide that I was going to wait until I had something special with someone before I jumped into bed with them.
Our home was full not only with children, but with visitors. Mum and Jarrod would often host barbecues and have friends around. I was used to looking after children and was often called on to babysit. Jarrod's parents treated me as one of their own too and Ruby and I became good friends.
"Eloise," Mum called me one afternoon after school when I was 16, "Finnian and Gabby O'Loughlin are going to need you to sit for them a bit more often I think, Gabby has been diagnosed with a brain tumour and it's not looking good."
I remember Mum's tears as she talked about her best friend and colleague. I knew Gabby was only in her mid 20s and Finn, as I also know he preferred to be called, had just finished medical school. They had been childhood sweethearts and married on her 21
st
birthday. Mum had met them at ante-natal classes and took a shine to Gabby as she was the youngest one there. Discovering she was also studying law cemented their friendship which they both thought would last a lifetime, not knowing the lifetime would be a handful of years. Zoe and their daughter Olivia were best friends and getting ready to start school together. Finn and Gabby also had twins, Hunter and Leith who were not yet two-years old.
That Christmas holiday, as I prepared to head into my second last year of school, was spent at the O'Loughlin's. Finn was trying to finish his intern year at the hospital, and I would sit with Gabby and help her with the kids. Gabby was an amazing woman. She was gorgeous to look at, but this was shadowed by her inner beauty and warmth. Zoe and Olivia spent their time together playing in Olivia's room and I tried to entertain Hunter and Leith building Duplo blocks or train tracks for them to run their engines around.
"You should consider teaching, Eloise," Gabby told me one afternoon as I rubbed moisturiser into her hands, "You are amazing with children."
"Actually Gabby," I remember telling her, "I've decided to study nursing as I want to be there for people like you and even maybe sick kids."
"Oh El, you will be perfect!" I still remember Gabby's smile as she told me. Her face quickly became more serious though.
"Eloise, I've told Greta, but I'll ask you too," I could see Gabby was fighting off tears, "Please look out for Finn when I'm gone. I've told him that it's ok to mourn me, but not for years and years and he has an amazing heart and I hope one day he may find another partner to travel through life with."
I hugged Gabby and we both cried as she told me how wonderful I was with her children and thanked me for being there for the last few months. That afternoon we decorated the tree and I strung fairy lights all around the loungeroom and, for Gabby as she was spending so much time in bed, I decorated the master bedroom with lights and tinsel. I remember Finn laughing when he got home, but the look of him holding Gabby as she lay in bed, their skin illuminated by the tiny lights, was stunning and I snapped a special photo of them both.
We spent Christmas Day with the O'Loughlin's and Gabby's parents. It was a lovely day. Gabby was losing more and more strength and slept on and off throughout the day. No one was surprised two days later when Finn rang Mum to tell her his wife had died.
The fact that Gabby had planned her funeral surprised no one. She wanted a celebration of her short life. There was a slideshow showing photos of her from birth until one of us all on Christmas Day, not even a week before, but it ended with the photo I had taken of her and Finn gazing into each other's eyes surrounded by sparkling lights. Finn had asked me to sit with the twins throughout the service which I gladly did. They did not understand what had happened, but Olivia did, and Finn spent most of the service comforting her. Gabby's mother, Ruth, gave a beautiful eulogy and Olivia told everyone how special her Mummy was and that she would never forget her tickling her tummy. Finn tried to speak, but all he managed was a thank-you before he dissolved into tears. Mum sang 'Over the Rainbow' and there was not a dry eye in the house.
Gabby and Finn's parents stayed with Finn and the children for a few weeks. I had refused to let them pay me when Gabby was dying and told them I was doing it as a friend. Several months later, on my seventeenth birthday I saw Finn for the first time since the funeral. He looked withdrawn and tired. He came around to give me a present though and told me that really it was from Gabby. Mum and Jarrod were in on the surprise and when I opened the small box, I found a car key- the key to Gabby's car.
"Eloise, Gabby told me to do this as a thank-you for looking after us whilst she was dying." Finn said as I wrapped my arms around him in a huge hug.
"Oh Finn, thank-you so much and please, any time you need a sitter, I'm still here at least until I finish school next year!"
It was a gorgeous red Volkswagen Golf that I knew had been Gabby's pride and joy. It was a few years old now but ran well and I knew had not been used a lot since the twins were born as they could not fit the extra car seats in the back.
