Chapter Two: After returning home from the engagement party Beth is lying next to the sleeping form of Richard. She is wide-awake and her mind is racing.
"Oh, how peaceful he looks when he is sleeping, my big stubborn sweetheart...my love, without a care in the world. I'm so happy, I won't get a wink of sleep at all tonight.... my mind is just racing...isn't it wonderful...
Poor Stanley, how did Margaret put it? Yes that's it, she said, "hum dinger!" and "smitten, Richard is smitten with you." Stanley is going to have one hum dinger of a shiner, a black eye when he says the early Mass tomorrow morning. Dear Margaret, you were right, he just needed a little push and then he came out swinging. He finally said it, "I love you. I love you, Elizabeth Susan Adamczyk." Then he shouted it for all to hear, "I love you Elizabeth Susan Adamczyk!"
That was so romantic and I can be such a bitch. My poor sweetheart.... sweetheart, it feels so good to think that, and to say that... sweetheart... I promise I will never do anything like that to you again.... I will never doubt your love for me... especially after what you did at our engagement party. I just wanted to hear you say it... although in your own way you showed me, darling. I hope I can be as good a wife to you as Beatrice... I pray that I can...
Sean never did any of those things or would ever do any of those things. He would pay somebody to do it, that rich spoiled bastard that he was and most likely still is... he couldn't even stand up to his own mommy for goodness sake.
I was so young and so naive... a virgin. I was smitten by him and with everything about him, his politics for example. He encouraged me to join the debating team and we were partners; double-teaming people to join our liberal causes or to shout down the opposition, ad hominem attacks if it suited our purposes because we were right and they were wrong.
I was so popular in high school, an honor student, a cheerleader.... the homecoming queen.... a big fish in a little pond. Sean told me I was special to him and I believed him... I wanted to believe that he loved me, or in time that would he learn to love me.... I loved him, or I thought that I loved him. He never loved me... I was merely convenient... I can't believe that I cut my hair short for him and agreeing to that stupid pixie cut!
I hate my hair short and I hated that haircut, I looked like a boy. There I go again making excuses...I did it because he was handsome, and not just handsome, he was drop dead gorgeous and I wanted him and the things that his money could buy...I can't believe that I was so shallow then.
I will never cut my hair that short again.... except for my Richard and he wouldn't ask me to because he loves my hair long. I want to grow it waist length for him if he will let me...and I will keep it like this length because it pleases him, however I am sure that he would let me grow it longer if I asked.
Sean and I always agreed on everything... though of course he agreed with me, so that he could get into my pants. The places we traveled to together and the restaurants, plus the expensive gifts that he bought me, they were impressive I will admit to that.
It was like I was in a fog... of course, a fog! Because that is what you are Sean, disingenuous and insubstantial; you polluted water vapor. You were in love with yourself; the reincarnation of Narcissus admiring his own reflection in a stagnant shallow pool and destined to be transformed into skunk cabbage by the gods for your vanity, your self-love.
As for the causes that you championed, I was so impressed at the time...it is obvious now that you never believed in them, like so many of the people of the in-crowd... symbolism instead of substance.
I know exactly where my Richard stands! He means what he says and he lives it. He has never been afraid of anything, not even when he was a little boy.
The caviar, no big deal, it is merely salty fish eggs. I didn't like caviar then and I don't like it now. I just ate it to please you Sean, and because we were engaged, and because it was expensive. Give me a good hometown beer batter fish fry any old time.
I don't hate you any longer mamma's boy...you forced me to grow up and to mature and to realize what is important in life. Family.... my family was there for me, especially my mom. Dear Margaret, you are so much like mom, and Sweetheart, you are my family now, my love and my anchor.
Caviar & champagne cannot compare to the hot roasted walnuts and cold apple cider that we shared. (Beth touches Richard's face and smiles while wiping a tear from her eye) That evening, after our feast and then spending the day together, you walked me to my apartment door like you do every night.... to make sure that I am safe.
I wanted you to kiss me that night.... or for you to just hold me. That was the night that I realized that I loved you.... I was afraid of being hurt again.... afraid of telling you.... perhaps a little stubborn myself. Perhaps more then a little stubborn... I was waiting for you to say it.
Well maybe I will tease you a little to keep you on your toes. I shall tell you I want keep my maiden name after we are married.... just teasing my love, my man. My man...a real man, not a Sean! I adore thinking that because I am your woman now.
I wouldn't dream of changing you because you are so damn stubborn, and so patient and so kind and gentle, and oh... so frustrating at times...but full of surprises, like poetry, our daffodils, our special love poem to be sure. (Beth sighs, rolls over and snuggles closer to her love)
I would have never imagined that you knew poetry when we first met underneath our trees.... did I just think that, under our trees? When you wake up I shall tell you that, our trees, Sweetheart, our trees.
