Chapter 2: Turning the Corner
We talked about everything on the way to and from class. During that third week of classes, I often felt Ginny's arm rub against mine as we walked. She seemed relaxed and comfortable to be with me, and I know I was with her. I was not inclined to crack a book on Friday night, but when she suggested that we study for an upcoming quiz for our American History class, I jumped at the chance to sit across the dining room table from her, and review dates of events from the seventeen hundreds. At the end of the fourth week of classes, we expanded our joint-study time to include Saturday nights.
The fifth week of classes marked the mid-point of our summer session. By meeting five days per week, except for the Fourth of July, we were covering a lot of territory in a short amount of time. I was enjoying every minute of the time I spent with Ginny.
Two things happened that weekend that sent me from the heights of euphoria, right back into a tailspin.
It was midnight on Saturday night, and the car I was driving wouldn't start. Ginny heard me grinding the starter and came outside to see what the trouble was. She offered to take me home, and I accepted.
As we drove, I told her about my work experience at the service station. "After a year of doing repair work, my granddad saw that I'd never be a mechanic, so he had moved me into sales."
"I failed at every job I tried, too. That's why I became a teacher," she laughed.
"Do you like being a teacher?"
"Yes, I enjoy the kids, but I didn't intend to make teaching a career. It looks like I'll have to take some time off and go back to school for a master's degree."
I didn't know what to read into those two sentences. I was thinking of a discreet way to put my question when we arrived at my house.
"This is it. I hope you'll be all right driving home at this hour."
Ginny looked at me, her eyes glistening. "I'll be fine," she said, leaning over to kiss me on the lips.
The kiss was brief, and she was back in her seat before my mind grasped what had just happened. I thanked her for the ride, and got out of the car, wanting to remember the softness of her lips forever.
My granddad took me to Ginny's house the next morning, and he didn't even need to look under the hood. The car started on the first try. I was embarrassed, especially when I saw Ginny at the door. She and my granddad exchanged a look, followed by a shake of their heads. He drove off, and I went inside.
We'd had five weeks of classes and this was our third week of studying together so our movement from the dining room table, to the patio, to the kitchen, my using the bathroom, back to the patio, and ordering a pizza had become routine. We finished the assignment early that day.
"Let's go to the circus," I said, making it sound like an order, not a suggestion. Ginny was dubious. I reminded her that it was the last night the circus was going to be in town. She relented, saying to give her a few minutes to get ready.
"Are you sure this car will make it?" she asked, teasingly as we got into the car.
I laughed. I guess we were both in a good mood. We were doing something other than studying. Should I tell her that she looked nice? She's married. This is not a date.
Our seats were not in the best location. I took her hand as we climbed to the uppermost section of the stands.
"This is fun. I can't remember the last time I went to the circus," she said.
She had to crane her neck in order to see what was happening in the center ring. I didn't mind having her head next to mine. Her perfume was very appealing. I felt her hand squeeze my thigh when a high-wire walker nearly tumbled to the net below. I was sure it was intentional, and I believe Ginny knew it was too. I turned to see her eyes on me, looking solemn for a second, before she burst into a smile.
Ginny laughed at the clowns, cheered throughout the elephants' act, and joked with the people around us. I enjoyed the closeness of her body as she leaned in to direct my attention to something she wanted to share with me. I'd never seen her so relaxed before. She was genuinely having a good time.
At the end of the show I took her hand to guide her down to ground level. She held on to my hand all the way to the car, possible so we wouldn't get separated in the crowd. This wasn't a date; she was a married woman.
Ginny talked excitedly about the circus all the way to her house. I walked her to her door, and waited until she found her front door key. "Thank you, Randy. I had a good time," she said, turning to me as she opened the door.
But when I leaned forward for a kiss she pulled back, saying, "I can't."
I walked away in embarrassment. I'm not sure if I heard her call out to me or not.
The next morning was like any other, almost. We discussed the novel we'd read and the history assignment. Except for a strained feeling, it was all quite normal. She walked with me to our first class, to our next class, and to the car afterward.
"I promised myself that I would honor Danny's life for a year after his death. That's the reason I couldn't kiss you goodnight," she said when we were under way.
How was I supposed to answer that? Should I tell her that I was sorry about Danny's death? Should I tell her that the circus was not a date? I had no business trying to kiss her. As far as I'd known, she was still married. She had done nothing wrong. "I understand," I said.
"Thank you for understanding," she responded, and those were the only words spoken about the subject. We drove to school together, talked about the two classes, and even laughed a few times, until Friday when we stopped in front of her house.
"I don't think it's a good idea for us to study together this weekend, Randy."
.She was out of the car and headed toward her front door before I could think of anything to say. "Okay," I said to myself.
My grandmother was the first to notice that I was in a fog. She urged me get ready for work, declaring that I was going to be late. Millie was the second. She offered to watch the lot while I ran across the highway to get something to eat. I told her to leave, that I wasn't hungry.
"Is it the lady in the Honda that stopped by to see you a few weeks ago?" she asked.
I stared at her, and Millie got the message. She'd crossed the line. It was not our custom to talk about anything personal. She did, however, make me smile when she swung her ass as she walked to her car. She looked back and grinned when she saw that her ass had done the trick.
The afternoon and evening dragged on, as if it would never end. The lull periods without customers were the worst. It was not my style to show exuberance. I preferred to let the customer notice a unique feature, and then to expand on it, matter-of-factly. But I found myself pointing out minor details about vehicles in an effort to make them stay for another minute or two.
When I was alone during these lull periods I went over what I knew about Ginny. Danny was her husband, the soldier I'd seen in the bedside picture. He'd been killed in action, probably in Iraq, and Ginny had vowed to honor his life for a year after his death. Did that mean that she would not date? Did she feel guilty about having a good time at the circus? Should I have told her it was not a date? Or was it the kiss the night she'd driven me home?
My attempt to kiss her goodnight was a mistake. We would have four more weeks of class, twenty trips to and from class. Somehow, I would conduct myself as a gentleman, treating her with the respect a war widow deserved. We would get through this, and then it would be different. I wouldn't see her, ride with her, walk to class with her, and laugh with her, ever again.
