ONE
The heavy wooden side gate of Efflington Gully Prison slammed shut, leaving pasty-faced man of about thirty dressed in a blue suit, light blue shirt, no tie and brown boat shoes. He carried a small suitcase.
Short-ass Maud Evans, all of five feet, called in a stentorian voice, "Bass Togood?"
A little disoriented, Bass looked around to see if she was addressing someone else. There was no-one else about.
"Yep."
"I beg your pardon?"
"YEP!"
"There's no need to shout."
"Likewise.
"Oh dear, a rebel. You were to go to the Selfridge family but I'm afraid anyone with aggression is not suitable for them. I'll switch you to Miss Cushla Masters; David Persons who's due out at 3:00 can go to the Selfridges.
"Please get into the car."
Bass did not move.
"What's the matter, are you hard of hearing?"
"I don't trust women drivers β I'll walk."
"Oh, very well, here are the keys. Drive in an orderly manner. Go around this curve to the right, take a sharp turn left and continued on for about a mile. That is all."
Bass got behind the wheel.
"What are you doing?"
"Pushing the seat back."
"Now what are you doing?"
"Lowering the seat."
"Now what are you doing?"
"Starting the motor."
"Oh. Sorry."
"Eeeeeek," screamed Mrs Evans, as her Japanese hatchback accelerated savagely forward, went around the unsealed curve in a slide and she was squeezed into the right-hand side of her seatbelt as Bass eased the Honda into a sharp left and floored the accelerator to give Mrs Evans the fastest car ride of her life.
He eased back under 100 miles an hour, scratched behind his left ear with his right hand, almost giving Mrs Even a seizure then said, "I'd like a beer."
"The p-p-pub is a quarter m-m-mile down on the left," she said.
"Right, better slow down β don't want to over-shoot, do we," said Bass, stomping on the brakes.
"Nice car; everything seems to work as well as it should," he offered.
"I-I-I think I'll have a double scotch when we get to the p-p-pub," said the former Australian Army nurse.
Half of Mrs Evan's whisky disappeared in the first gulp, returning color to her face.
"What did you miss most in prison, Bass?"
"Sex."
Mrs Evans' face was now nicely colored.
"I understood the prisoners attended to that themselves."
"The first fruitcake that laid a hand on me, I pushed his front teeth to the back of his throat and I wasn't touched-up again."
"The report said you were aggressive."
"Better that than having my asshole rebored to a new width."
"C-c-could we c-c-change the subject, Bass?"
"Okay, what's this Masters Shelia like?"
Cushla Masters is president of our Wainsford Prisoner Rehabilitation League and I would advise you to proceed carefully as she runs a martial arts academy and is chief instructor.
"She sounds interesting."
"She's not, she's a sad, heart-broken woman."
"What, her parents died recently," laughed Bass, scratching his butt.
"Actually yes, shot by her fiancΓ©e before she killed him, breaking his neck."
"Sounds like my kind of girl."
"I'd be very careful if I were you, Mr Togood. If you'll excuse me I'll go over to the corner and phone her now and read out the report we have on you. It could be she'll refuse to accept you. Here's more money, enough for two more beers."
Bass bought another beer then put two bucks in a slot machine and selected only the Jackpot. The alarm went and the publican came running out of his office carrying a baseball bat.
"Was it a legitimate strike, Scotty?" he asked the idle barman.
"Yeah, saw him put two bucks in and select only one button."
"Yes, that is correct, Mr Carrington β I can collaborate that statement," said the Court registrar, having a late counter lunch.
"Better come with me, son and get your check."
"Cash."
"Check β don't trust banks."
"What, you expect that I'm keeping $800 bucks on these premises."
"Yes."
"Well I don't."
"I'm willing to bet my eight hundred bucks that you're got at least ten thousand bucks in that safe of yours β my $800 to your $10,000 says I'm right.'
"Oh, all right, but keep your voice down, I don't want the riff-raff knowing I keep a safe full of money."
"He is the riff-raff Alfie; what's he done?"
"Just won $810.15 in the Jackpot."
"What, legitimately?"
"So it seems."