If I were to believe the other fleet drivers, being a chauffeur in this company was an iron clad way to get laid on a regular basis. The stretch drivers all had stories of back seat orgies in which they were invited to participate, or the female passenger who got so pissed off with her drunken partner that she had him dropped off home and she continued on with the driver.
Most of these stories I would slot into the urban myth category, because from my experience nothing like that actually happens. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that these sorts of things happen on occasions, but never to me.
One reason of course is that I seldom work nights because I usually get the corporate red-eye runs to the airport, and on the odd occasion where I'm coerced by huge financial inducement to work nights, it is usually driving some middle aged corporate heavyweight whose only interest is in work related functions, and whose company pays the transport costs.
The company faxes my work to me the night before, so that we know what our workload will be for the next day, and they rely on the drivers to identify any potential for job conflict. I looked at the job sheets as they came out of my fax machine and the job that stood out was a night job. I was to pick up a passenger from a residential address and take her to a function for a visiting celebratory and do the return pick up at midnight. The booking had been made through a regular corporate client but the pick up address was not where I usually picked him up.
I questioned this with the dispatcher who confirmed the address was correct and told me that the passenger was definitely a woman, he had no other information other than it was a hat job. When I picked up the usual guy to take him to the airport he didn't insist on me wearing my chauffeur cap.
As usual, I arrived at the pickup early, some clients get a little concerned if the limo wasn't out front on time while others couldn't be bothered. Some clients are ready to roll when the car pulls up, while others enjoy keeping the driver waiting. We don't mind because the waiting time charges are worth the wait.
I had just reversed into the driveway, that's another thing we do, passengers do not like it when we drive into the driveway and have to reverse out but when we take them home it's the opposite, we drive in and reverse out. Anyway, I had just reversed in and stopped when the front door opened and this vision appeared.
She was gorgeous, her blond hair piled on top of her head, her tall, slim figure clothed in a dress that fitted like a glove and highlighted a figure to die for. The dress had the fashionable one shoulder strap and was cut low enough to reveal a pair of breasts that were the perfect size and shape for her figure. And the way that she walked, it had catwalk written all over it.
I stood by the car and held the back door open for her. She reached over and opened the front door. "I would like to ride up front with you and just before we get to the venue you can pull over and I'll jump in back."
"Very well." I shut the rear door and closed the front door behind her. "Do you wish to arrive on time, or would you prefer to arrive fashionably late?"
"I would prefer to be on time. With these shows the wannabe's arrive late and have to queue on the red carpet, I find that if I get there on time I can slide in un-noticed, well almost."
"Very good, I'll get you there on time." I drove out of her driveway and headed for the city.
"I'm Cindy by the way, Cindy Elliott, and you are?"
"Michael. Just call me Michael."
"Do you do many of these runs?"
"No, this is special for me, the car was booked by a regular client and I guess he specifically asked for me. I wasn't aware that I was going to be picking up a beautiful woman, not that I mind."
"That would be my boss, he has promised that he would introduce me to the guest of honour, I'm a huge fan."
"What do you do when you're not going to shows like this?"
"I'm just a lowly clerk in our Promotions Department, I do all the hack work while others get the glory."
"But you're getting the glory tonight, aren't you?"
"I'm not so sure, the word that has filtered back to us is that this guy isn't the squeaky clean character we've been led to believe."
"Very few of them are, some can be real prima donnas, demanding this and demanding that and chucking a hissy fit when they don't get it."
"Do you get many like that?"
"The vast majority of my clients are really great, most of them prefer to ride up front like you. I have had the one occasion to tell our Operations Manager that I flatly refuse to pick one guy again after the second time he treated me appallingly."
"And you can do that?"
"Yes, I'm an owner driver and, up to a point I can pick and choose, in this case I chose not to pick him up again. They did try once and I told the Dispatcher to expect a phone call from him because I was going to get lost, or caught in traffic, along the way and wouldn't be able to make the pick up on time."
"He must have really upset you."
"Yeah, the first time was an airport pick up and I stood at our normal place with a sign with his name on it and he walked right past me, I had him paged twice without response, so I called in a 'no-show' and was just about to drive off when he came galloping down the road in front of me and then had the hide to claim that he was waiting somewhere else, which was impossible because I walked past where he said he was twice and there was no-one there, and he had to walk past me to get to that point. The second time I was on a tight schedule and I had to pick him up from his home. I was early and he came out on time only to go back inside and come out fifteen minutes later, then he lit up a cigarette and stood at the kerb smoking it before he got in the car. I copped a heap of abuse from my next pickup even though I tried to offload to another driver. So I dug my heels in."
"I don't blame you, I would have done the same thing myself."
We were nearing our destination and I stopped the car and opened the door for her, she got out and as I handed her into the back of the car her hand rested lightly on mine. It sent a tingle right up my arm, this was an amazing young woman, so beautiful but so down to earth.
There weren't any limos at the red carpet so we pulled up right at the entrance. I quickly jumped out and raced around to her door, I wasn't going to let someone else have this pleasure. "I will be here at midnight sharp. Have a great time."
Her hand was once more on mine. "Thank you very much Michael, I will." She walked, with that graceful walk of hers, along the carpet, her path highlighted by dozens of flash guns from the assembled paparazzi.
"Wow!" It was the doorman that I had beaten to the door, his mouth wide open.
"Yeah, wow." I said as I walked back to my side of the car and drove off. "Wow." I repeated several times as I headed back to our base for a cup of coffee and a chat to whoever was there. Only four more hours before I saw her again. Four boring bloody hours listening to nothing, there were no other drivers there and the Operations Desk was shut for I don't know why, so I sat in the lunchroom with a cup of coffee and an old Glossy magazine that one of the office girls insisted on buying and leaving there for us drivers to read. It was very enlightening, predictions made six months ago that were so far from what happened as to be laughable. If it hadn't have been there I wouldn't have read it.
Time to go. With jobs like this where there would be dozens of other limos queuing for position, it pays to get there early so that you can get a park close to the red carpet. You can then keep an eye out for your client as he or she emerges so that you can pull up just as they reach the kerb. That way the client doesn't have to stand there like a shag on a rock waiting.
So there I was, at the front of the queue, sitting in my car, the CD player on low listening to some classical music, when the front door opened and Cindy slid in. I didn't realise that it was her to begin with, I thought it might have been one of our other drivers on this job stopping by for a chat while we waited. "Quick, get me out of here." There was an urgency about her voice.
The car was on the move almost before she had finished speaking.
"What's the problem?"
"That bastard! That's the last time that I ever say that I'll go to one of these shows."
"What happened? If you don't mind me asking."
"Well, you know how I told you that my boss promised me that he would introduce me to this sleaze? It seems as if he promised the sleaze that I was willing to jump into bed with him. I didn't know until I was in the Ladies and a couple of girls from one of the other agencies came in and were talking about it. "Is that a new girl at Morrisons' table, someone should tell her that she's being used by that arsehole, he thinks all he has to do to get a signature on a contract is to throw some young bit of fluff into the guy's bed." Cindy gave a passable impression of a bitch.
"It got worse," she was almost in tears, "as I left the toilets this so called star is standing there waiting for me with the passkey for his room in his hand, he gives it to me and tells me to go to his hotel and wait for him, and be naked and ready."
"Have you still got the key?"
"Yes, why, what do you have in mind?"
I turned the car around and headed for one of those all night girlie bars, you know the ones, low lights so you can't see how seedy it is, overpriced drinks and young girls, legal and above board of course, just starting out in the business. I knew the manager.
I pulled up out front and the bouncer recognised me. I hasten to say here and now that I know him from the Service Station around the corner where I fuel up my car and myself each morning. By the time I've filled up and go inside to pay, the girls have my coffee waiting for me, just the way I like it. "Hi Bruno, is Madam Josaphine (her spelling, not mine) in?"
"Sure." He saw Cindy in the car and his eyebrows would have disappeared into his hairline if he had one. "Lookin' to find her a job?"
"No way Jose." I went inside and immediately was accosted by Josaphine.
"What a surprise, I never thought that I'd ever see you in my place."
"I got a favour to ask of you. Is there a girl here who would like to put out for (I mentioned the guy's name, but discretion forbids me telling you)?"
"Sure, Suzie has just finished her first set and isn't due to go back on for another hour or so, and as you can see there's hardly anyone here yet." She called Suzie over and whispered my request. Even in this light I could see her eyes light up, her big chance had just been dumped in her lap.
Suzie raced out back and returned in thirty seconds with a coat draped over her shoulders.
She sat in the back seat of the car and we headed for the hotel. One of the perks of picking up and dropping off clients in hotels is, you get to know tha front of house staff, so it was no problem clearing the path for Suzie to head up to the suite.
As I pulled out of the forecourt my phone rang, I knew it was Operations, no-one else knows my work number, "Michael, have you picked up yet?"
"Yes, she with me now."
"Oh, I just had a call from her boss, they're all looking for her."
"She's fine now, she wasn't feeling well so she left a little early, she seems to think that someone might have slipped a little GBH into her drink and has spent the last several minutes throwing up."
"Are you taking her home?"
