Do You Like Pina Coladas

I watched my wife, Sarah, from a distance as she ate her lunch quietly in Springfield park, I would catch up to her soon. She was not expecting to see me and still I hoped she would be happy to see me. Lately it seemed we had been growing apart. Lately we had different interests I probably spent too much time on the Playstation, she seemed more interested in finishing her degree at the local community college. I'll give her that, she has goals and few things can swerve her from her target.

I work at a construction firm, she is a legal secretary for a 2 bit lawyer. I have no doubt that when she graduates she will be employing him.

"Hi dear", I say, interrupting her study and lunch. She smiles weakly but does not say anything. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"sure"

"I was in the area, the boss assigned our team to refurbish the local hotel".

"Does this mean you will be here every day?"

"for the next few days anyway, it is not a big job"

We eat our lunch quietly occasionally looking at each other. I'd hoped to see some interest in her eyes.

"I'd better get back to work", and that weak smile she dismisses me.

That night she stays out late, she has her night class. I wait for her but fall asleep in the chair with the TV still on. I start awake when I hear her come home. A gentle but passionless kiss later and we are in bed. I reach for her but the almost imperceptible snore tells me she has already fallen asleep and experience tells me that waking her would only annoy her.

I grab my phone and open the Reddit app. A few days ago I one of my work friends showed me the site. I found that the specific subreddits contain advice, some good, some bad. Opening the subreddit and see if anyone has responded to my latest post. Nothing worth writing home about. Maybe I'll post the question again in a few days and try and word it differently.

My work friend also told me about the subreddit, Redditors for Redditors. A kind of anonymous dating site. I see a new post, noone has responded to it yet.

"26 [F4M] Springfield, Do you like Piña Coladas?"

It was the first post I had seen that was from my city so it caught my eye. I opened it.

"If you like piña coladas

And gettin' caught in the rain

If you're not into yoga

If you have half a brain

If you like makin' love at midnight

In the dunes on the cape

Then I'm the love that you've looked for

post here and escape"

She had obviously copied the Rupert Holmes song. But it spoke to me anyway. On an impulse I replied. "Yes I like piña coladas, I am not into health foods, I am into Champagne". Two can play that game. With that I closed the app, put my phone on charge and went to sleep.

I received a private message the next day, my phone beeped while I was at work. I did not realise that the app would keep running in the background and alert me to new messages or replies.

"You sound like a funny guy, show me that you have 'half a brain'"

The decision to wait with a reply is prudent. I do not think that wit will win this lady.

Later that night I compose my response.

"Art is generally seen as a pastime for the masses however some artists have used their skills to provide education. The Rembrant painting 'The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Nicolaes Tulp' painted in the Dutch Golden age shows not only an accurate dissection but also the historical setting for the teaching of new doctors and surgeons.

In a same vein, Leonardo da Vinci's famous work 'Vitruvian Man' draws attention to the proportions of the human body and his belief that the human shape if of divine creation and not an accident"

That last line is my interpretation and is probably not reflected in academic studies.

With that I posted and looked for the setting that would cause any responses to create an audio alert. It seemed prudent to disable it. I would not want to break my relationship if this was just a silly roleplay from an unknown internet meddler. I had no guarantee that the person is female or even 26. I must admit that this uninvited, unexpected interaction has risen my endorphin levels but I do not expect it to continue. Soon Sarah will graduate and this will release her to come back to me. My life will return to it's normal state and this brief encounter will fade from my memory in a few short weeks

I checked my phone again the next day, we are now at a different site, far away from where my beloved works and I cannot visit her at lunch. There is a reply from my anonymous paramour, the message is short and sweet but meaningless, still it is enough to keep me fascinated. For the next 4 days this continues, one message from each side each day. Then on a Friday I get bold.

"There is no O'Malley's bar in Springfield, but there a St Patrick's that sells Guinness on tap, meet me there at noon and wear a green scarf so I know who you are".

I send this last betrayal and I risk it all.

In the smoky environment I see her in the doorway. That familiar gait, her movement with which I was so intimately accustomed. I rise in anticipation to greet her and extend my hands to meet hers. A brief touch follow by a gentle kiss and a warm hug.

We leave my Guinness on the table and we walk hand in hand to my car. The words of the song echo in my mind, 'If you like making love at midnight, In the dunes on the cape'. I decide to take her to the dunes where we will sit until it is dark and we will make love at midnight.