Discussion 1

Discussion

by NotForSaleYet

"Harold, we need to have a discussion."

Oh crap. It's that time again. Every 10th anniversary she comes up with something 'special' that interests her and lucky me, I get to do it too.

On our 10th anniversary she decided we needed to get the feel of the great outdoors. I tried, in a nice way, to tell her the great outdoors has been replaced by the great indoors. We spent ten days at a dude ranch in Colorado. It was ok but after ten days of getting my hemorrhoids pounded by a hard leather saddle I kissed my Lazy Boy recliner when we got home.

Home is a nice 2,000 square foot house in a nice subdivision near Portland (Oregon, not Maine). We bought it our fifth year. The apartment was fine for just us but the addition of Jesse and Melanie in years 2 and 3 made the house necessary. I like it fine. Upkeep isn't too bad and the kids love the back yard. Well, they used to. Jesse lives in California with his wife and child. Melanie moved to Iowa with the boy she met and married in college.

I guess we're pretty typical family people. Trish and I got married just after high school. We've known each other since the sixth grade. I started working at my dad's garage and eventually took it over when he and mom went south for the warmer climate in Arizona. I'm a good mechanic and our shop does steady business. We've got seven of us in the shop now. Natalie manages the business for me. I enjoy working on big rigs and tractors too much to sit behind a desk all day.

A couple of years after we married Trish decided she wanted a career. She went back to school and teaches math and geography in our local middle school. She's a good teacher. I helped with the house and kids when she was in college. I found out I'm a pretty good cook. It's hard to mess up with the new online cookbooks that have all the pictures and videos to help get it right. Sorry, I ramble sometimes.

I learned that when Trish is really serious about something she goes into 'teacher mode' and when she calls me by my formal name I know I'd better pay attention.

A week before our 20th anniversary she did it again.

"Harold, we need to have a discussion."

"Sure honey. What's up?"

"As you know, our 20th anniversary is coming up. I've been thinking we need to have a new experience for our old age memory diary. I want to go to Europe for two weeks."

Holy cow - Europe? That's where they keep all the old buildings because they're too cheap to tear them down and put up new ones. I wonder if I can get her to promise I don't have to go through all those museums. After all, you can see all the paintings on the internet for free.

We went to Europe for two weeks. We saw every old building they ever built. We saw every old painting ever painted. I almost cried when I got back to my shop. It was so good to be able to work a peaceful ten hour day. I wondered if I could find a sick relative to stay with for our 30th.

Sadly, I forgot to plan ahead. Our 30th anniversary is in two weeks. She caught me off guard doing it so early.

"Did you hear me Harold. I wish to discuss something with you."

"Um, can we wait until after dinner hon? I'd really like to finish the news."

"Of course dear."

That gave me less than 30 minutes to figure out how I was going to get sick or have an operation or maybe break something so I could stay home. Hell, I'm too healthy to plead sick, too afraid of hospitals to have an operation (that stuff will kill you), and I'm too big a coward to break something. Maybe Trish just wants to start looking for a nice retirement village. We had talked about that a couple of times. That wouldn't be too bad.

After dinner we were sitting at the dining room table and I was prepared (I hope) for her latest idea.

"What's on your mind honey?"

"Harry, we've been married almost thirty years. You're a good husband and a good father. I've been thinking about our life together and I've realized we don't have that many productive years left. With the children gone I've decided we need to add some zing to our marriage. I've signed us up for a two week sex clinic."

I stopped breathing. My brain shut down. I froze. I was mildly concerned - screw that, I was in full panic.

Trish just sat there, calmly, watching me. I'm not sure how long it was before my brain could get a word down to my mouth.

"I'm sorry Trish. I might not have been listening right. It sounded like you said sex clinic."

"That's right Harry. I've been researching middle age problems and I've found that a revitalized sex life is a wonderful way to improve a mid-life marriage. And I'm sorry dear, but in my reading I've also discovered that you're not a very proficient lover."

WHAT!! Thirty years and now she tells me I'm not proficient! What the hell does that mean? I mean, I know we don't have as much sex as we used to but who does at our age?

"Trish, darling, I'm um well, I'm a little bit confused. You're telling me, after thirty years, that I'm a lousy lover and you want to go to a training school to fix that?"

"No dear. I didn't say you are a lousy lover. We have many enjoyable years of making love. I'm saying that we still make love the same way we did when we got married. There have been vast improvements in sexuality research and women now know they have much more control of their bodies and sexuality. I want us to have the best love life we can. I spent quite a bit of time researching various solutions and I found a clinic in New York that specializes in training couples to enhance their sexual atmosphere and become better lovers. I have their brochures for us to review. I was so impressed I already signed us up for the two week course. They have a graduate four week course too."

I'm rethinking my fear of breaking a bone, maybe two. I'm a normal guy. I like making love. I like looking at all the beautiful bodies. I've never seen a bad pair of tits. Jeez, Trish and I aren't even fifty-five yet. We're both in pretty good shape. Trish exercises and my mechanic work keeps me pretty solid. Yes, I'm stalling. I need help but who can I say 'listen, my wife wants to take me to sex training school' to without getting laughed out of town.

"Um, ok hon. When do you want to review the brochures?"

"Right now is fine."

"Oh, ok. Let me get a beer. You want one?"

"Yes please."

The brochures were huge and full of facts about advances in sex. I'm still trying to figure that out. Sex - you get on, you get in, you push and pull for a while, you get out. How the hell do you improve that? And then I saw the bottom line.

TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!!

My wife paid them $10,000 dollars for two weeks of talk about sex. Do you know how many beers that is?

"Trish, did you say you already paid them?"

"Yes dear. I sent them a cashiers check last month."

"You've known about this for more than a month. You sent them ten grand of our money and it didn't seem important to you to maybe mention it to me?"

"I told you Harold. I want to do this for us."

Keep cool. Keep calm. Breathe deep. Don't say something that will cause a big freeze. Maintain.

"I don't think I want to talk about this any more tonight."

I got up and left the dining room. I went out to the garage and tinkered with the lawn mower for a while. I repaired my old power sander. I sharpened my old drill bit set. For the first time since I was twelve I thought about running away from home. I finally asked myself the important question I'd been avoiding... what was I so afraid of?

She didn't say I was a lousy lover. She said we were doing it the same way we always had and I wasn't proficient. Yes, I went and looked it up.

Trish has a degree but I stopped book learning after high school. Proficient wasn't horrible. It just said something about being skilled.

I went back into the house. We watched our usual night time shows. We went to bed together like always. Neither one of us talked about making love. We just kissed and said goodnight. It took a while and I didn't sleep as good as I normally do. I woke up earlier than usual so I showered, dressed, and left for work. All right, leaving the house at 4am might be a little earlier than early. I ate breakfast at Denny's and went to the shop.

Trish called me from school. She wanted to know why I didn't tell her I was leaving. She wanted to know what time I left. When I told her I left at 4am she didn't say much.

I worked hard all day. I've been doing engine and body work for so many years my body does the work and my mind can wander a little. Today it wandered all over the place. By the end of work I realized I did need to talk to someone about this. Who? Who did I trust enough with my personal life? Who loved me enough to listen and not make me feel stupid? It was a small list, actually only one name. My big sister Alice. We'd been buds since I was born.

I called Alice and asked her if I could visit her tomorrow morning. She knew me well enough to know something was bothering me and said sure.

I went home on time. We had our normal evening together. I was turning the tv off when Trish asked "Harry, is everything ok?"

"Yes dear. I'm just thinking things over."

Again, all we did was kiss and go to sleep. I slept ok.

The next morning I went to the shop, made sure they didn't need me for anything and did the 40 minute drive to my sisters house. Alice hugged me, looked at me for a minute and said "I see. This is a beer discussion, not coffee. Go have a seat."

I love my big sister. She was sort of a second mom and we got along great. She helped me out more than a few times. When Trish and I were first married we had the normal problems young people do. Alice was my rock, made sure I stayed calm. She tried to teach me how women think. That was confusing.

"Ok Harry. Spill. What did you do?"

"Nothing sis, honest. Remember how Trish likes to do something special every 10th anniversary."

Alice chuckled. Yep, she remembered. She was the one who watched the kids when we went to Colorado and Europe.

"What is it this time Harry? She want to climb the Matterhorn?"

"I think that would be an easy one."

That got her attention.

"Alice, I know you love me but this one is going to make you laugh and I just ask that you don't laugh too long or I'll get peeved."

"I won't laugh Harry. I promise."

"Sorry sis, I bet you can't keep this promise. Trish paid ten thousand bucks, up front, non-refundable, to a clinic in New York for two weeks of sex training."

Got to give my sister credit. She turned three shades of red before she couldn't hold it in any longer and fell off the couch she was laughing so hard.

"Oh god Harry. I'm s-s-orry. I tried, honest but" and off she went again. I just sat and drank my beer. After a while she was back on the couch. We didn't say anything for a while but she couldn't stop the occasional snicker.

"Harry, how do you feel about this?"

"At first I was confused, then I went to panic, then I got a little mad, then I felt sort of humiliated, then I got confused again, and that's where I'm at right now."

"Trish loves you Harry. Never forget that. It's just that she sees your relationship a little different than you do. It's a girl thing. We want our men to be strong and courageous and take care of us. We also want them to be gentle and considerate. We want them to see us as partners who give us equal say in what we do. Trish has always been a little more determined than you about some things but she would never do anything to hurt you. I think she really wants to make your marriage better and sees this as a way to do it. I know Trish would never do anything that she thought would humiliate you."

"I finally figured that out sis. But those brochures talk a lot about 'hands on' training and if someone got their hands on my wife they would need immediate medical attention, and I sure don't want someone else's hands on me."

"Have you ever watched porn movies Harry?"

"Aw geez... sure, I'm normal. I've seen a few of the movies. Trish and I watched a few together when we were younger. We even tried a couple of the things we saw and they were fun and we still do some of it but I thought they were mostly boring and I don't get the group stuff. What kind of husband would want other guys pawing his wife. That's just dumb."

"I'm so proud of you little brother. Mom and dad raised us well and you didn't forget. Would it be possible for you to get some training in the right setting if it would make your wife happier? What would be wrong with learning some things to do for Trish that would pep up your loving?"

"I know that sis, and I'm not against learning stuff that makes our love life better. It's the things I don't know, about how we're going to get there, that bother me. I don't want Trish to end up feeling that she isn't getting enough from me to make her happy. How do I handle that?"

"You're creating a problem that doesn't exist yet Harry. Aren't you the one who says that problems should be handled after they happen, not before."

"Yep, that's me, but I also believe you shouldn't create a situation that you know can or will create problems."

"Well, the way I see it, you've got to decide if you're willing to do what your wife asks because she is convinced it will help you as a couple. How do you think Trish will feel if you say no without trying, and I know that would be hard for you to do since you'd lose ten thousand dollars. Don't get that look Harry. I'm not saying you're cheap. You are a bit frugal, and that isn't a bad thing. Just talk to Trish some more and I'm sure you'll make the right decision."

I went back to work and thought about what Alice said. I went home early, for the first time in a very long time. Trish usually had the house to herself for a couple of hours before I came home. She used it to grade papers and start dinner.

I could tell Trish was watching me closer than usual. I decided not to say anything until after dinner.

"Trish, what made you decide we needed to go to a training school for sex? Is our love life that bad?"

"Oh honey, no. Our love life has been fine. You must know I love you and I know you love me. (sigh) I guess what started it was Bill and Joan getting divorced last year. They'd been married for 51 years Harry. Do you know what Bill told Joan was the reason he was leaving her?"

"Nope, he never talked to me about it."

"Bill told his wife he was tired of their boring sex life and she wasn't active enough in bed any more. He told her he loved her but he didn't want to spend his best years with a wife who had no interest in an active sex life. I've thought about that for almost a year honey. I don't want us to end up like that. We're still young enough to make sure it doesn't happen."

Ah, so that's it. My Alice does do one thing well. She can take other peoples problems and live with them in her mind as if they are her problems.

"Ok Alice. I can see why that would make you stop and think. Would it have helped you if you had talked with me before you decided to spend ten grand on a solution we might not need?"

"Harry! I'm concerned about our future. Are you saying you're more concerned about the money?"

Crap. I did that wrong. Now I'm screwed. There is no way I'm going to get her turned around now. I'm still not sure why this whole thing bothers me but I just have a bad feeling.

"No no no baby. It's not the money at all. I understand how much you care about our future. I do too. I'm just a little uncomfortable about discussing our married love life with people I don't know. Heck, you know I'm uncomfortable discussing our love life with people we've known all our lives."

Pretty good recovery, right? Well, it worked. We finished the dishes together and watched our regular tv shows and went to bed. Yes, we did make love. No, I don't want to tell you about what we did. Sheesh, don't you have your own love life?

Chapter 2

Yes, I worried a little for the next two weeks. I even did a little Google research into this clinic Alice signed us up for. It was in the mountains of upstate New York. Nice area, according to the pictures. The place looked like a resort. They even had a fancy chef for making meals. Didn't sound much different than that resort in Colorado, minus the saddles thank goodness.

I finally decided to follow my own advice and not make a big deal about a problem that didn't exist yet. My son did call me the day before we left and wished me good luck at the training school. I told him if he kept on laughing like that I'd send the brochures to his wife. That shut him up.

So here we are, just getting out of a van that picked us up at the little airport down the mountain. We flew into New York and took one of those little puddle jumper planes to the mountains. The front of the place looked just like the pictures. Not bad. I wonder if Trish would mind if I sat out here for the two weeks? Yes, I am nervous. I'm a guy. We don't talk to people we don't know about love, except at the pool hall after a few beers. It's a nice pool hall. My dad went there for years and that's where he bought me my first beer. Sorry, rambling again.

After we signed in and were shown to a really nice room with a great view of the mountains we were told we had an hour to unpack and then we'd have lunch before orientation started.

"Are you nervous Harry?"

"You bet I am honey. Almost as nervous as when I said 'I do' thirty years ago."

"Harry, you never said you were nervous when you married me."

"Honey, I wasn't nervous. I was scared to death. You were this beautiful angel and I'd been in love with you forever and I was going to get to see you naked for the first time in my life. It was scary."

"Oh Harry, I love you so much. I was scared too. I was just like you. I'd never seen anyone naked and I was so worried about our first time making love. My mom told me a lot of stuff but it's not the same when you're in bed with a man for the first time."

Huh, for some reason that really helped calm me down. It was true. Thirty years ago Alice and I were both virgins with no experience in anything, well, except for the time at our senior prom when she let me play with her tit a little. I know other people have experiences we never had but that's their life. Alice and I are small town people where everyone is your neighbor and you just didn't go too far. Jenny Olsen went too far with her boyfriend. That didn't go well. Her daddy didn't just beat up her boyfriend, he beat up his dad too. My dad told me that if Alice's father ever tried to beat him up he'd help him beat me up.

The orientation was ok. Each couple was assigned to a couple; ours was Michael and Rebecca. They looked like young kids to me. Rebecca took Rachel to a room and Michael took me. We spent the afternoon being interviewed and signing papers. The papers were about what the clinic promised to teach and how we would not violate any of their rules. Michael asked me a lot of questions. They covered my background, education, marriage, family, and finally he got to the hard part.

"Harry, how many women have you had sex with?"

"Just my wife."

"I'm sorry. Are you saying you have never had sex with anyone except your wife?"

"That's right. We were both virgins when we got married."

"That is amazing. You're the first husband, actually the first man I've ever met who can say that. Have you ever wanted to have sex with another woman?"

"Sure. I've seen some really beautiful women and I'm a guy. But I'm a husband first so want is just a fantasy that will never happen."

"Do you think your wife will say the same thing?"

"Yep. Trish and I see things pretty much the same way. Our parents were friends for years and we've known each other since we were kids."

He asked a bunch more questions and then told me to join the tour group in the lounge where they would show us the facility.