Senior personal assistant Ella Rogers sighed and thought another **^?$#@ day at the office and this one could be as bad as it gets. She'd had four principals in five years, all female, and this one was a guy, who'd been due to arrive at the weekend from France.
God a male shaving while yelling what files he wanted downloaded and picking his nose as he read reports. Because he was coming from France he'd probably ask for frog leg sandwiches with his mid-morning coffee.
She adjusted a panty leg. Well at least she'd remembered to wear them.
Frog legs... holy #*^*.
She went to the kitchen and her mom served something that looked suspiciously like frog legs.
"What's this?"
"I have no idea sweetheart. It was something I found in the freezer. Taste it and tell me what it is."
Ella turned to watch her father blindly aim his fork at his plate and manage to skewer something and it disappeared toward his mouth behind the newspaper he was reading.
"Frogs legs," she said.
Her father coughed and choked and something white and stringy came flying over the top of the falling newspaper, whizzed by Ella and landed over her mom's left eye.
"Charlie you asshole," Annie yelped. "If you don't like your breakfast just say so. There's no need to throw it at me."
Thirty -year old Ella, not wanting a kick in the backside, ghosted out of there before her parents noticed she was gone. Because they couldn't blame her for the incident, her parents were still yelling at one another when she left the house.
She laughed thinking how upset she'd been when eighteen months ago her husband of three years announced he wanted a divorce because he wished to marry his PA.
"Oh don't we get tizzy for all the wrong reasons?" she said, talking to herself again. "Malcolm and I proved to be entirely unsuitable for each other so why wasn't I jumping up and down in joy when he made that 'I want to marry a slut' announcement?"
She had no idea.
The bus was late arriving but the driver barged through against two sets of traffic lights as they were changing to red and she arrived at her desk in the offices of the Sydney law firm thirty seconds early.
As usual the HR manager took the new person around to everyone first, ending at Ella's desk and hour and fifteen minutes later, not that it mattered because Ella had found the leg of her panties only felt tight because the elastic in the other leg had snapped.
Well where was this new jerk who went by the odd name of Mr Husband? That must automatically mean he was married.
When they stopped at her desk Mrs Maddock said primly, "Ella this is your new superior, Mr Husband. He has met everyone who matters and now I leave Mr Husband in your capable hands.
Ella's hands twitched.
God she's like to get her hands around him. He was rather dishy.
"Hi may I take your coat?"
"I'm not wearing one," he said, eyeing her strangely.
"I thought you'd talk French. You have an American East Coast accent."
"Oh that's very astute of you."
"Many of the comedy films I see are set in Boston or New York."
"Oh very droll."
"No I meant comedies."
"Oh pardon me I thought..."
"Can it. That's just an example of Australian wit but it will be incomprehensible to you because you are American."
"Wow talking with you is like being put through the mill."
"Thanks."
"That wasn't a compliment. I was being..." He stopped, catching her expression. "Oh another example of Australian humour I guess."
"You are a quick learner Mr Husband."
"Please call me Harvey."
"Oh wouldn't you prefer me to call you by your proper name?"
"Ah got you," Harvey cried triumphantly.
"No, I wasn't joking. I can't believe anyone would call their kid Harvey."
Harvey said stiffly, "Well my parents believed they were giving me a distinctive masculine name that went well with Husband."
"Oh Harvey I'm ashamed. I really had no intention of making an issue of your name. It just happened and I'm sorry, very sorry. At high school I was teased mercilessly, 'Where's your fella Ella?' 'Ella has a fella' and 'Ella is yella' but I learned to slap above my weight and here am I giving you stick. I apologize."
"Thanks for being sincere. No harm done."
"I'm so relieved. Come through and I'll show you to your office."
"Oh worried I might not find it? " Harvey joked, following Ella through the doorway and he chuckled when her hand came behind her to deliver a rude gesture.
* * *
Initially Harvey, a senior litigation lawyer, thought he'd scored the weirdest PA in the whole of Australia. She had a sexy laugh she used more often than not inappropriately, her humour was largely unfathomable, she told him filthy jokes expertly and claimed most Australian females would not be offended if he told them dirty jokes provided the c-word wasn't used. Further, she pulled up her stay-ups and would adjust a breast in her bra completely oblivious to him.
Harvey began thinking of asking for a replacement PA but when he thought back about her work he was rather astonished. It had been practically faultless and she was incredibly quick and already had picked up on some of his habits, could read his appalling handwriting and could remember his diary entries faster and more accurately than he could recall them. Moreover she was extremely hospitable with clients, talking like a woman to women, displaying the right touch of deference to older women and was delightful to listen to when whispering to older male clients their zip was at half-mast.
Ella appeared to know all 211 people on the payroll of Kingsley, Raymond and Welch, and probably was the only person in the building who did. She never failed to get him food from the company café when the notice said closed and the door was locked. Another thing Harvey had noticed was whenever a member of his team or someone from another department or even one of the partners approached his office, almost all would stop a chat to Ella and within moments she'd have them laughing.
Finally the penny dropped: Harvey became aware he had a most remarkable personal assistant, by far the best he'd ever had.
He also knew they were both divorced. Since his arrival in Australia he'd gone without sex and wondered with Ella being so lively so should have plenty of grunt in bed or over the end of the sofa. He licked his lips and accepted if he did wish to touch her it would have to be out of the office to avoid both of them being fired.
So what to do?
During the morning coffee break he said, "Would you mind if I changed your lunch hour to 1:00? Everyone requiring service from a law office knows not to call between 1:00 and 2:00."
"Yeah okay providing you clear it with the office manager first."
"Who's she?"
"Thelma Fields. You were introduced when you first arrived and she was in here twice during your first week here asking if everything was okay."
"Oh the redhead?"
"She calls herself auburn."
