The reflection in the mirror haunts me, and for good reason.
As a kid I never understood how adults could "Let themselves go" like they inevitably said. Sure, life could be hard, but if you wanted to stay fit and sexy they obviously could. Even if you couldn't afford a gym membership you could always go for a run and do squats and sit-ups.
Now as I look at the blob in front of me the ignorance of my childhood self washes away. No one ever wants to stop being the best version of themselves, they just begin prioritizing other things in life. Then one day you look in the mirror and realize you don't look how you did before. You realize the weight you promised yourself you would lose after giving birth is still in the most undesirable places on your body.
Of course you begin spiraling when the sex slows down with your husband. He married a slim girl with a nice figure, and now all he's left with is a woman who barely resembles the person he met over two decades ago. Meanwhile he's only gotten sexier and stronger. His forearms grow even more muscle even though a majority of his day is spent at a computer, where he makes enough money that allowed me to be a stay at home mom during our kid's elementary school years.
Throughout that entire time he never stopped trying, not in our marriage and certainly not with our children. On days he would find me asleep, tired after watching three kids all day, I'd wake up and find that he'd left my favorite meal (A steak burrito from our favorite place). He never missed any games or recitals, and would make up the time he missed at work in the morning when me and the kids were asleep.
That's why I was so surprised when he brought up the fitness challenge. It wasn't necessarily the challenge, but the reasons behind it. This great, beautiful man had thought he was doing something wrong, that he was the problem, when I knew I was. His thoughtfulness moved me to tears, and I set out to do this challenge.
I thought I was doing well. I only missed one day at the gym, and while I was watching my favorite Korean Drama I ate some chocolate like usual. Jack has always been a go-getter, but I didn't expect him to do everything he set out to do throughout the week.
His eyes lit up the night he claimed his prize, which made me want to be even more obedient to him. I was in heaven when he put that blindfold on and took me. His gentle teasing had made my body so sensitive that I came not once, but twice! God knows the last time that's happened.
I turn the sink handle and splash some very cold water onto my face. Right now isn't the time to be pitying myself. Jack made me feel pleasure I haven't felt in years. It's only right that I do the same for him.
I'll have to make him my little slut to do that though. Unlike him I'm okay with playing a little dirty to win.
First thing to conquer is the gym. Growing up I was always fit, but I never touched weights. I would rather run outside in nature and do my squats and core exercises at home.
A lot of men wouldn't understand, but the gym can be a scary place. There's all these men who so obviously stare at you like you're some object instead of a human, even though you're wearing nothing but comfortable pants and a shirt like they do. Then they constantly interrupt you while working out, either explaining how to do the exercise you're already doing or brazenly saying what they would do to you.
I whip out my phone and call Jackson, our personal trainer. I tell him I'll be over in 20 and take the car to the gym.
When I get there he's standing by the front entrance, talking Chloe, my husband's best friend's wife. They both look up and smile as I walk through the door.
"Oh my god, this must mean you're really doing the challenge!" Chloe screams as we hug. I immediately put a lip over her finger and look around, hoping no one else heard.
"Yes I'm doing it, but that doesn't mean we have to advertise it to the whole world!" I tell her.
She laughs and puts her arm on my shoulder. "Don't worry, no one will figure out what I mean unless you tell them. Although I doubt anyone would really be surprised," she said, confusing me.
At that moment Jackson speaks up.
"You said you wanted to meet with me. What's up?"
I look at him and then Chloe, trying to show with my eyes that it should probably be a private conversation.
"Girl, I'm on the same program as you, and had if not more questions than you did. Don't be nervous, we're in this thing together. Well, not together per say, but you know what I mean."
I sigh, realizing she's right.
"I just... I'm not used to gyms. I haven't had any issues so far but one of the reasons I didn't go the gym before the challenge was all the men and their nastiness. I don't want anyone to stare or try and disrespect my marriage."
Jackson nodded, like this was a common issue he saw.
"I understand. I'll tell you one of our core principles. RESPECT. If anyone, regardless of gender, crosses the line and makes you feel uncomfortable, I will personally kick them out. How's that sound?"
I stood there astonished for a few seconds. He'd do all that to make the ladies feel comfortable in his gym?
"I also suggest having a gym buddy. You won't always feel motivated, but with a gym partner who has almost the exact program, fitness goals, and motivation as you you'll also be held accountable," he said, raising his eyebrows towards Chloe.
"Only if you're okay with it," I tell Chloe. I reach out my hand to shake.
Chloe grabs my hand and pulls me in for a hug instead. "Girl this is exactly what I've been waiting for! C'mon, let's get started."
Jackson was right, having Chloe as a gym partner was perfect. I didn't expect any other women to want to get jacked, but I was happy to be surprised. In between our sets I asked her about tips to win, as well as some of the ways she used her power to be the Dom when she won. Her eyes twinkled whenever something naughty was discussed, and she recommended so many videos and websites to scroll through that I felt like a horny teen all over again.
On Thursday I asked Jack how his progress was going. Just like last week he was going perfect, not missing one gym day and keeping his diet clean and healthy.
Now's the perfect time to use one of Chloe's tricks.
I walked over to the liquor cabinet and pulled out one of Jack's favorite drinks, a 30 year old, double cask single malt Scotch whiskey. I poured a decent amount into a glass and walked over to him.
He was sitting on the couch, watching Thursday Night Football. He looked over from me to the glass, a confused look on his face.
