Chapter 20: Empathic Feedback
The Year Eight
Dee Deeās Story
Weāve only been together nine years, but it seems like forever. My life falls neatly into two distinct eras: Before Andrew and the Andrew Years. The eras are so different that I feel like a totally different person.
When I was thirty-four, I was doing what I wanted, working at my chosen career and performing well. I was important to some people, mostly customers who I was assigned to help. But aside from Donnie, I had no friends, no lovers, no personal life at all. I was lonely.
And then Andrew appeared and for the longest time, all I had was personal life. But now things are changing again. In all the time since we were married, we hadnāt been apart for even a day. But business and other things have intruded. A foursome went to New York City the other day, mostly on business. But other things were also planned. It is the other things that have me so upset. Suddenly the Andrew Years seem threatened.
When this whole Jake-Donnie thing came up, I went limp and let Donnie have her head. A woman has to do what a woman has to do, I thought. When all this talk about sharing started, I suppose I was a facilitator. It was so out of left field that I really didnāt give it the consideration it deserved.
For a moment I tried to imagine myself in the role of adulteress and was repulsed by the thought. It was something that would be too dangerous to our marriage, too hurtful to Andrew, and so wrong for me. But for some reason I didnāt extrapolate the same results to Donnie.
If Iām honest with myself, I think I understand my inner motivation. I was first. I was the one who met Andrew, who seduced him, who loved him; first. I suppose Iāve always considered myself to be first wife. Itās selfish and Iām ashamed of myself. But it allowed me to suppose that what Donnie did outside the marriage wouldnāt mean as much.
Andrewās just canāt say no to us. He will do anything we ask; anything. He sometimes appears to be the same way with the children but it isnāt true. Heās an easy-going person who can be a strict father when necessary.
Weāve known for a very long time that if we ask Andrew for something, he wonāt think twice about giving it to us. It sounds like I am blaming Andrew but Iām really blaming ourselves. We sometimes take advantage of him.
But this Donnie-Jake thing places that on a different plane of existence. Andrew should have put his foot down. I should have put my foot down, I know it. Iām as guilty as either of them. Keeping oneās mouth shut is the path of least resistance. But itās often wrong.
Andrew and Donnie are coming home today. So now Iāll learn how things went. They flew to New York two days ago. Helen and Jake stayed on since they have more meetings to attend. Andrew attended a few of the initial meetings to lend his weight to the event. My Andrew is a celebrity. People get a thrill just from meeting him. He recognizes this and sometimes uses it to our advantage, but it makes him uncomfortable.
Iām like people, I suppose. Iām getting a thrill knowing he will be here today. But Iām so scared. How will we handle this infidelity?
I donāt have any problem with Andrew being with Helen. Is that a double standard? I donāt think so. Andrew went along because thatās what he does with us. We ask and he delivers.
He isnāt unfaithful to us. Heās never unfaithful. If he went to bed with a million women, Andrew would be incapable of being unfaithful to us. He can never really look at another woman. We are his only addiction.
I have this man; this sweet, beautiful, adorable man. The entire world acknowledges that he is the sexiest man on earth, yet all he thinks of is us. Heās so wonderful. If weāve hurt him I think Iāll die.
Andrewās Story
Stepping onto a plane in New York and then stepping off of the plane in Savannah is a surreal experience. Itās like changing countries, changing eras.
I like New York. When I was a kid of maybe twenty-two I had my all-time best Italian dinner there at a little place off of 3rd Avenue on 53rd Street. Just shopping at some of the odd stores in the East Village is interesting. Walking around Greenwich Village is a trip.
Iām not trying to belittle New York when I say I was glad to get the fuck out of there. For a while I questioned if weād make it out. During the cab ride from the hotel to the airport the driver thought he was in the Indy 500 and so did everyone else on the road.
But I had met who I had to meet, done what needed to be done. My wife and I needed to return to our real world for the sake of our sanity. It wasnāt New York, per se, that had me crazy. It was us, what almost happened. Sometimes Iām dumber than a post.
Donnie snuggled against me through the two and a half hour flight. Sheās been very loving and affectionate since our little near-disaster of the other night, not that thereās anything wrong with that. In fact, I like it.
We grabbed the car out of long-term parking and made our way home. I love that old plantation that we acquired from Doris Johns. It was a wreck when we she gave it to us, but now itās a great place to live. Itās become home.
I parked the car in the carport and we carried our luggage into the house. We were met in the kitchen by six happy little eKids, hugging us, kissing us, some of them even talking. They arenāt used to us being away.
Dee Dee was standing behind the kids smiling, but only on the surface. My wives have several levels of smile. This one was painted on the front of her face but didnāt reach her heart.
Donnie and I were still hugging the eKids when Emma disengaged herself, walked over to Deirdre and said, āDonāt worry, Momma, Donnie didnāt fuck Jake.ā
I could see the look of relief in Dee Deeās eyes. But I couldnāt let what Emma had said pass. I said, āEmmy, you arenāt supposed to use that word!ā
She said, āBut you use it Daddy.ā I really hate it when a woman throws the truth in your face.
āThatās not the same thing. I use it only under very special circumstances, in private with your mothers.ā
āBut what about when you are together with Jake? Both of you say it all the time. And in the car, what about then?ā
I hate to get in an argument with Emmy. Thereās just no way to win it. And sheās only nine. When she grows up sheās going to be hell.
āEmma, adults know that thatās a word you never say in front of certain people. Can you understand that?ā