This chapter does not stand alone. Please read the previous chapters, before this.
To finding true love
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I was still in bed the next morning when my phone rang. Toni.
There was a croak in my voice. "Hello?"
"Good morning, babe!"
"Good morning to you. Did you sleep well?"
"Are you trying to find out whether I cried again?"
"I guess so."
"I was out cold until 10 minutes ago, thanks to you."
"Why me?"
"Your kisses made me feel so happy and warm. I had sweet dreams."
"About me? What was happening."
"Yes, and I'm not telling. It was hot, though."
"Are we going to the park?"
"Absolutely! What time?"
"How about if I pick you up at 11. We can pick up some Chinese on the way."
"I have some paper plates and stuff. I'll bring those and some drinks in my cooler."
I was lying in bed, thinking about Toni, surprised at how I felt about her. I clearly had strong feelings for her. It was also part lust! Her body was hot! I wondered whether part of it was the emotional experience we shared together at the hospital. That and seeing her so distraught that night.
There was no question in my mind, though. She had the hots for me!
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I drove all the way next door to pick her up. She had me carry a cooler out and put it in the trunk, then waited for me to open the car door.
"Did Don open the car door for you?"
"At first. Not after a couple of years."
I made a mental note of that.
We stopped for Chinese food. Toni said she had paper plates and plastic utensils in a Zip-Lock bag in the cooler.
By the time we got to the park, the smell of the food was irresistible, so I parked near a picnic table, and we had lunch. As usual, our banter back and forth was a lot of fun. We shared funny stories from our youth and from school. Her eyes no longer looked sad, but full of mirth.
As we talked, I thought about her remarkable strength. I'm not sure I could have put on even a fake smile had I gone through what she did.
After lunch, we put the cooler back in the car and walked together. She was holding my hand. Just that contact made me happy, but we stopped now and then and kissed.
Later, as we walked, I had my arm around her, and hers was around me. We stopped, but instead of kissing, she turned to face me.
"A penny for our thoughts?"
"I was thinking about your pool ... well, about you."
"What about me?"
"A strategy for catching you and dunking you."
She was laughing. "Are you confident?"
"Actually, I wanted to tell you something important. When we're in the pool, you're safe in my arms. I'll never try to dunk you there, because I always want that to be a place of safety."
"I love you, Tony. I always feel safe with you."
She put her arms around me and the side of her face was on my chest.
"Tony, can we sit and talk for a few minutes?"
We found a bench partway back to the car.
"I just said it, not meaning to yet, but I do love you. I sense you're holding back, and I think I know why. Part of it is Ashley and part is me."
"You?"
"Please, hear me out. You got burned by Ashley. She said she loved you, but you already know what I think about that. She wasn't committed enough to you to treat sex as nothing more than her convenience. There's a healing power in sex. Sometimes, all of us need the reassurance and love from making love with someone we love.
"You come home after the world beats you up on a bad day, and sexual intimacy is one of the greatest first-aid treatments. She didn't get it, because she didn't love you.
"My opinion, of course, but there's a more serious reason you're holding back, and it's me. You're trying to figure out whether I'm holding on to you so I won't be lonely. I don't know how to convince you of my love for you."
"I understand what you're saying about Ashley. You may be right about her love, but I'm not holding back because of my experience with her. That said, I think you're spot-on about my concerns about you and loneliness. I know you'd like to make love. I want that, too, but I also don't want to take advantage of your loneliness."
"Is there anything I can do to reassure you? Tony, I've been lonely for several years as Don's ALS increasingly created distance between us. Loneliness is not a new experience for me. What is new for me is how much I love you. It's so real for me. Tell me about your feelings for me, please?"
"I think the first time I saw you, when you came over on my moving day, I was so impressed by you. Your looks, your generosity, your kindness. Looking back, it may not have been love at first sight for me, but it was strong attraction at first sight at least. Maybe it's love now, though."
"Why do you think it's love?"
"I'm happy when I think of you. I feel real joy when I'm with you. I can't wait to see you again. I feel incomplete when you aren't by my side. I didn't feel those things with Ashley, at least nowhere near as strong as I feel them with you. Toni, I know I haven't said this as clearly as you have, but I do love you."
"Thanks. That really means a lot to me. Your reasons for knowing what you feel is love also perfectly describe me. I'm complete with you. I feel safe in your arms. I long to see you and talk to you when we're apart. You're my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night. Is there any way you can accept my feelings as genuine love?"
"I'm getting closer all the time. Let's keep spending time together. Getting to know each other better. Can you be patient with me?"
"That's part of loving you. Do you wanna hit the pool now?"
We almost ran to the car. When we got to her house, I took the cooler around to some shade near the pool, then went to change.
I was already in the pool when Toni came out. She was wearing the black one-piece again. The one that caused me to stare at her ass!
She sat on the deck next to me, then slid down into the water and hugged me. I put my arm around her and held her close. She looked up at me. "Are we ok?"
"Of course we are! Why wouldn't we be?"
"I was pretty direct about Ashley. Maybe a little out of turn. I hope you know it's my love for you that makes me angry that someone hurt you."
"I know, but Ashley doesn't matter. I'm glad she left now. Otherwise, I wouldn't have you in my arms."
"Maybe I should send her a thank you card."
She swam off. I followed close behind her and dunked her.
"That was so sneaky! I had all those warm fuzzies for you!"
"Hey, you left the safety of my arms. Fair game."
She came back into my arms. We were standing in the middle of the pool.
"Tony, I love you so much. I've never had so much fun with anyone in this pool."
