THREE
I was almost bouncing in my seat as Bryn and I drove back to his apartment. Less than an hour ago I was dying inside, afraid I was going to lose what I had started hoping would be the best thing to happen to me. Now I felt like we'd survived our first test and I was almost giddy with relief and excitement.
Except for when he'd bundled me into his car, I hadn't released his hand, my fingers loosely intertwined with his as he rowed his car through the gears or rested his elbow on the center console. I'd fucked up, but he was giving me another chance, and now that I had him back again, I wasn't letting him go.
I still didn't love the guy. I'd only know the real Bryn Ludlow for a couple of weeks, and I couldn't fall in love that fast, but I damn sure could fall in lust. But there was more than that. I might not love him, but I could see myself falling for him, and falling hard. He was everything I wanted in a man. Panty dropping handsome, a beast in bed, except when I didn't want him to be, strong, compassionate, resilient, self-assured, and a complete badass. In short, he was fucking perfect!
I looked at him, a smile touching my lips, but he didn't look happy. If anything, he looked slightly sad. I pulled his hand to my lips and kissed it. He glanced at me, but the look of sadness increased.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing."
"Bullshit. Is it still what I said?"
He glanced at me again. "Yes... but not how you think. I was such a fucking asshole to you. You were only trying toβ"
"Shhh..." I hissed, kissing his hand again. "I've forgiven you. Now you need to forgive yourself. What happened was my fault. I can't even guess how hard it must have been for you growing up, and you told me straight up you had trust issues. I wasn't thinking... but I want you to listen to me now." I waited until he glanced at me again. "I will
never
intentionally hurt you.
Never,
" I said, hitting the word hard. "I want you in my bed and in my life. Maybe, someday, we'll go our separate ways, and maybe you'll be hurt because of it, but before that happens, I'll fight like hell for you. Do you hear what I'm saying?"
He nodded. "I hear you."
"I forgive you for being an asshole." I paused until he looked at me. "Will you forgive me for being an unthinking bitch?"
He squeezed my hand. "You're not a bitch."
"Then will you forgive me for being an unthinking not a bitch?"
He sniffed a single laugh. "Yes."
"Will you forgive yourself?" I asked softly. He looked at me, glanced back at the road, and then looked at me again. "Will you do it for me?" I begged softly as I held his gaze.
He swallowed hard and then looked back to the road. "I'll try."
"You've done so much for me already... surely you can do this one last thing for me."
"I just need a little time. You're the first person that seems to care about me, and then I treat you like dog shit on the bottom on my shoe. That's a hard pill for me to swallow."
"All the time you need," I murmured. "I'm not going anywhere."
He squeezed my hand and held it tight. I smiled. For the first time since meeting with Kevin, I knew everything was going to be alright.
He pulled into his parking place. I had to release his hand for us to get out of the car, but the moment I joined him, he took my hand again. We walked up the steps together, crowded close, but I didn't mind. The moment his door closed behind us, he turned to me, picked me up, and held me in a rib creaking hug. There was nothing sexual about his embrace, and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him just as tightly as my feet dangled off the floor. He held me for a long time, his breathing harder than it should have been, and I wondered what thoughts were running through his head.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the closeness I felt for him, and though it was slightly hard to breathe, I was content to hold him for as long as he needed me to. After many long moments, he momentarily squeezed me even tighter as he inhaled deeply, and then gently placed me on my feet. He took a half-step back, his gaze intense and unwavering, as if he were memorizing every detail of my features. Then he slowly lowered his lips to mine.
Bryn could always kiss, but
Jesus Christ,
his kiss was electrifying. I didn't know if the difference was me, him, or both of us, but his kiss lit me up like a Christmas tree. The kiss wasn't overtly sexual, but it was incredibly warm, unbelievably deep, supremely erotic, and I swear to God, I became weak in the knees. If I were a nineteen-fifties heroine being kissed by her hero, my leg would have popped.
I sighed out of the kiss as our lips slowly parted, my eyes opening slowly as I licked my lips, enjoying the lingering warmth and taste of him. Before I could recover from the best kiss of my life, he lifted me again and turned for his bedroom. Until now I had to gently nudge him, to subtly signal my desire for him, but not tonight. Before me was the strong, confident Bryn that I knew was inside him, and I wrapped myself around him as he carried me to his bedroom.
He dumped me into the bed before kissing me again, and impossibly, his second kiss was even better than his first. I wanted to moan with the caress of his lips, drinking deep from the well of his passion, but then his lips left mine to caress my neck and throat. I began to writhe and pant, twisting with pleasure as I held him too me. He was overwhelming me, leaving me gasping and unable to catch my breath.
His lips left my neck as he roughly stripped me. I'd had men manhandle me before, and I got off on it so long as they weren't too rough, but nothing could compare to what I was experiencing now. With other men, when they were manhandling me, I always felt like it was nothing but a rush to get to the fucking, but now, with Bryn, I sensed his need was more than physical.
As the last of my coverings were ripped away, he stepped back, his chest rising and falling as if he'd just run a marathon while he stared at me. I held his gaze, refusing to look away or cover myself with my hands. For tonight, I was his, and I would deny him nothing.
His gaze never leaving mine, he slowly stripped, throwing his clothes to the floor, his coverings apparently no longer of concern once they were removed from his body. He took his time, the sudden slowing of our mad rush thrilling me. As I watched him strip, I sensed he wanted
me,
not just my body.