I have the flu; the man-flu. I've been sneezing and coughing for three days now. I've been hot and I've been cold; I have no energy and I'm clearly lying here dying. I've been awake since the early hours snuffling and wheezing; the arrival of morning is a welcome relief.
The alarm beeps unnecessarily to inform me that its 6:00 a.m., clearly I won't be going to work today. But now that it is Monday you will have to get up and go, leaving me to wallow in my own misery.
You put on the bedside lamp and propping yourself up, drink some water. I know you are beginning your usual work day routine to wake up and start the day. You reach over and squeeze my hand, saying; "How are you feeling my love?"
What should I say? Put on a brave face and try to appear macho? Or just be the pitiful self that I feel like? I decide on the latter;
"Honestly? I still feel like shit!"
"I'll go and get you a glass of orange juice and some Paracetamol. Back in a sec."
And you have bounded out of bed, in a way that I couldn't even begin to consider. I see a flash of bare bottom beneath the silk pyjama top as you cross the room. An indication of how lousy I feel, is that I am not even slightly turned on by this sight.
The light goes on in the landing and I hear your footsteps descend the stairs, but I think I must be a bit deaf because I can't hear any sounds from the kitchen below. You reappear with a glass of juice, a slice of toast and marmite, two white tablets and six chewable vitamin C's.
You help me lean forward and plump up my pillows for me, and I feel as helpless as a baby submitting to these administrations.
I haven't the strength to eat the toast, and feebly take a few sips of juice and swallow the tablets. Meanwhile you are carrying out your morning rituals that I know so well. First you slip into padded cycling shorts, black trainers and a baggy tee shirt. Then you turn on BBC Breakfast, and start your 30 minute cycling work out.
Drowsily I hear the pedals pumping and in my blurred line of vision are Sian and Bill being annoyingly cheery while presenting the news. I suspect I may have dosed off for a few minutes; not surprising considering how little sleep I have had the past few nights. I'm guessing this because you are now walking back and forth across the bedroom in black panties and black sports bra. I know you are putting away yesterday's clothes, and trying to decide what to wear today.
When you have your outfit for the day arranged neatly on the bottom of the bed, you come over to my side and sit down next to me. You gently place a hand on my forehead;
"Well, I think your temperature is back to normal anyway. Here, let me help you sit up a bit more so that you can eat something."
I realise I have slumped back down in the bed, so I obediently sit up so that you can plump up my pillows for me. Then you sit back down again and unhook your bra, hanging it over the handlebars of the exercise bike. You lean forward and give me a kiss on the cheek, and your newly freed breasts swing in front of my face. You cradle my head between your ample bosoms. This reminds me of when I was a child, bringing back memories of being comforted by my mother when I wasn't well.
You give my head one more squeeze, then you're pinning up your hair as you head to the bathroom and I hear the shower running. I picture you indulging yourself amid the marble tiles, with all the jets massaging your entire body. We remodelled the bathroom when we moved into the flat, making it really luxurious. One of our special pleasures is to make love in the enormous wet room shower.
I sip my orange juice thoughtfully as you return to rub Chanel No. 5 body lotion all over you. I can just about catch the fragrance through my blocked up nasal passages. While I am listlessly nibbling my toast you are morphing into the legal eagle that you are. First the silk knickers and sheer black tights, followed by your extra-support bra from Victoria's Secret. Today you have chosen a simple black dress, trimmed in beige, and topped off with a stylish jacket that has decorative pockets and ruched sleeves. You knot your hair into a sleek chignon, and come to give me a goodbye kiss.
Too soon I am listening to your sensible day heels clattering down the metal rungs of the spiral staircase. And I am alone again with only Carole and the weather for company. Why does she wear such hideous dresses that make her look top heavy? You, on the other hand, always take such pride in finding clothes to flatter your full figure.
Of course it was actually your big boobs that first caught my attention. But in fairness, that is because we were at a conference and I was trying to read your name tag pinned to your chest. When you saw me staring admiringly, you laughed, and said, "Well now you know my name, will you ever be able to put a face to it again?"
Naturally I was a bit embarrassed, and looked up to discover that there was a gorgeous face attached to the voice. So we began the first meeting ritual. But a couple of drinks later, we were laughing and joking with ease. I realised I hadn't felt this comfortable with an attractive woman before, and the feeling seemed to be mutual. Fair enough, I'm no slouch myself after all. Of course my eyes just couldn't help themselves and kept sliding back down to those tantalising tits. Eventually you asked me to look at your face when we were talking, and I countered with, "How long have you had those?" You took it all in good humour though.
Then followed the dating ritual; fitted between both of our busy work schedules. I knew immediately that I wanted to spend every waking hour with you though. When you took off your formal work clothes and let your hair down ... Wow! What a stunner you are.
I have no problem remembering the first time we made love. It was about two weeks after our initial meeting and we had been to a Chambers party earlier in the evening. Then I took you for dinner at Orso's and we sat across from each other with mozzarella cheese dripping down our chins from the pizza.
Just when I was trying to decide on the best approach to get you into bed you said,
"I can't wait to get out of these stuffy work clothes, let's go back to my place."
And of course once you had gone to change, I just couldn't help myself from shamelessly following you into the bedroom. There you were standing in next-to-nothing and me with a raving hard on. You completely took my breath away, you were so absolutely ravishing. And when I said as much, we were immediately all over each other, both hungry for the other. I was out of my clothes in a matter of moments, and we were on the bed practically eating each other. I fought to hold myself back a bit, but it was a losing battle. I was so turned on I lasted only a minute and was ashamed of myself. But you weren't bothered at all -- you simply guided my hand down to feel the wet, wet honey pot. And when I started kissing you there you instantly began to moan with pleasure. You climaxed almost immediately and as we lay together afterwards I thought, "This is it, I have finally found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."
We never looked back from that day. We couldn't get enough of each other, couldn't keep our hands to ourselves whenever we were together. We kept leaving parties early to race back to your place, or mine, whichever was closest, to leap into bed and make love all night long.
Within a year we had given up our rented flats and bought this fantastic warehouse conversion together. As soon as we saw it, we knew it had to be ours. Friends and family cautioned us that we were rushing things too much. But that was five years ago, and they must be eating their words now.
But this is the first time I have been ill while we've been together, and I was afraid you might hate me for being such a puny weakling. Not so, you've been your usual sensible self, just dealing with the flu in the matter of fact way you handle any little problems that come up.