Cuffed Ch 05

Hey there guys!

Here is the long awaited fifth chapter of "Cuffed"! Let me just say: this thing was a BOOGER to write and edit! Between this chapter, moving into a new house, my other stories, and the holidays, I didn't know if I'd ever get it done; but, here it is!

For all of my fans that have emailed me about this story and the others: you guys are the best. You add fuel to my, sometimes, nonexistent fire and urge me to continue when I don't even think I can. I love you guys and your dedication to my work <3 You don't even know.

For being so faithful to this story, I give you a bit of myself... a bit of Cracked Chaos truth: this story is based (loosely in some areas, largely in others) off my life. I know I have a reader who says the story of Holden and Kennedy is basically his life on screen; to him I say: "Dude. We have much in common!" I was Kennedy, minus the hot cop and abusive ex. I dated the boring accountant. We were, indeed, engaged to be married. I knew I shouldn't have stayed with him, but I did. Thankfully, we did not get married. I am, now, happily married. Not to a cop, but a cop did inspire this story. If any of you are at all interested, I was thinking of documenting that particular experience in a short story on here. Let me know what you think. ;)

Until we talk again,

Happy reading, lovelies <3

[[CC]]

*****

Chapter Five: Done

"I'm still confused," Lara shook her head. "I just don't get how you could've ruined things with Holden."

I'm not sure how many times I answered this question, but it looked like I would have to once more. I sighed. "He'll never see me as anything but a weak, little girl because I can't break ties with my abusive fiancé."

"What do you mean, 'you can't break ties'? You haven't talked to David in, like, two weeks. You don't wear his ring anymore."

"Well, I haven't talked to Holden, either." And the act was borderline masochistic.

I'd never desired someone's company like I did Holden's; I missed him fiercely, but I knew I needed space. Holden overwhelmed me. His intensity drowned me and I needed my head above water. My goal was to make decisions based off fact and reality, not a fluttery stomach and overactive libido.

My mind was rational, but my heart and body had other plans.

I asserted my need to take a break from all things Holden, but I never stopped looking for him. Most days, I waited for him to randomly "pop up" and whisk me away to another home cooked meal—no such luck. Even today as I arrived at the library to study with Lara, I searched for his police cruiser as I walked through the parking lot; again, no such luck. After the first hour of pretending to study, I stopped hoping he'd show up.

Lara brought me out of my internal brooding. "That doesn't mean he's done with you, Kennie. Maybe he's giving you time to make a decision. Besides, I was under the impression you two never started."

"I can't be with Holden if I'm involved with someone else, Lara. It's not right."

Lara rolled her eyes. "But you made out with the guy in his kitchen...and on his couch. I'd venture to say that's getting involved with someone else."

I hadn't forgotten that night—my first date with Holden; most nights I woke in a sweat, the apex of my thighs throbbing because I remembered too well. I shook my head. "Give it a rest, Lara."

"Fine. I'm just saying, you already went for it. You might as well take the plunge, unless you're still holding on to David...for some unfathomable reason."

"This isn't just a decision between David and Holden. This is about my family and his family—there's so much history there. We were planning our wedding. My entire future is going to change based on what I decide."

"Your entire future is gonna change, but is that necessarily a bad thing? At the end of the day, you have to be comfortable with the choice you're making. Can you live with yourself every day knowing you married a man that mirrors your father?"

I cringed. Just the mentioning of my dad brought back memories I fought to suppress—the shouting, the sound of glass shattering...the smell of strong liquor...my sister's screams.

Lara's tone softened. "Being harsh isn't my goal. I just want you to think about yourself for once. You've always only thought about others. Make this your time to find out what you want."

Lara made it sound easy, but I had no experience with focusing on myself. I had real responsibilities growing up. When I was younger, my attention was on my little sister, Maitlynn, and her needs; then there were my mother's needs. I tried to be a support for her by staying out of trouble and watching Maitlynn whenever she needed to work late or when she just wanted a ladies' night out, often foregoing outings of my own. I did not hold a grudge over it; as my sister says, "it just is what it is."

I sighed. "I see the necessity, but I don't know how to get there. It's like knowing the answer to a math equation, but having no clue how to actually solve the problem."

Lara reached across the table, weaving her hand through our stacks of books and cups of coffee to grab mine. "You've already started. You're graduating college soon; you're going to snag your dream job. Just take it a step further. Be with whoever makes your heart glow."

"So, be with Holden. That's what you're telling me."

She shook her head, her brown waves drifting as if the wind had caught them. "Not exactly. I'm telling you to be with who makes you happy. If that's neither guy, then we'll go on a manhunt together. Do what makes you happy. If you want to shave your head and have a Britney Spears meltdown, do it! With all you've gone through, you deserve more than what you're allowing yourself to enjoy. Now, wipe those tears and let's get some studying done."

I used my sleeve to dry the tears I didn't know had fallen. "You know what? I think I'm gonna hit the gym." I rose from the table and packed my things.

Lara smiled at me. "Is that what makes you happy?"

"Not really. I hate going, but a harder body will make me happy. Catch you later."

"Those tresses better be drenched with sweat when you leave, Goldilocks," Lara teased.

To jumpstart my workout, I ran from Milner Library to the gym. I panted and wheezed as I flashed my student ID at the entrance. I hated running.

"You sure you even need gym time?" the guy behind the desk asked, taking in my appearance. "You look worn out already."

"I'll be done when I can't walk."

He seemed impressed. "Training hard. I approve."

Of course, he approved. He looked like he exercised in every second of his spare time. His deep, cocoa skin stretched over bulging biceps; his shirt looked like it would rip in half if he flexed his chest muscles.

He handed my student ID back. "Think about working upper body today. Your legs look like they need a break."

"That's the plan," I muttered, making a beeline for the locker rooms. I threw my belongings into one of the familiar gray lockers and made my way to the weights.

I pushed and pulled for hours, sweat stinging my eyes and soaking my clothes. I needed it. The physical exhaustion was what my body craved ever since the fight with David. My emotions were pent up in my muscles, in my very joints and tissues, waiting to be released.

My muscles were busy, but my mind would not stray from the decision ahead of me. Was I really going to leave David after four years of dating? Did I have the gall? All I had to do was utter the words; but what would happen after I said what I needed to? Would everything go back to normal? Would life make a drastic turnaround?

The questions swarmed around my head like bees in their hive, propelling me toward machines and free weights that I'd never used a day in my life. Yes, my body would be sore in the morning, but I hoped my heart wouldn't follow suit.

~

I woke to the smell of breakfast. Based off the differing aromas, a hearty meal awaited me. The problem with that was, Lara and I were the only people with keys to the apartment and she was out of town for the weekend.

I rolled out of bed and crept up the hall with caution. "Hello?" I called while rounding the corner.

"That's how you greet men that show up in your apartment? Thankfully it's just me as opposed to a serial rapist." Holden's voice reached me, making my heart jump into my throat.

I took a few steadying breaths before responding. "Well, I've never had men just showing up in my apartment, actually," I said, limping to the dining room table. Bentley left Holden's side, catching me before I could sit down. He jumped into our "hug" position, eliciting a smile from me as I wrapped my arms around him. "I figured anyone cooking me breakfast wouldn't be here to hurt me."

"You'd be surprised," Holden said, stirring the contents of a frying pan. When he finished, he turned around to face me. I drank him in.

Had it only been two weeks since we'd seen, or heard from, each other?

His dark hair was a bit longer than before, and today he was sporting an edgy bit of stubble. I approved. The contrast of his edgy face and hair in relation to his white shirt and artfully faded blue jeans made him look like a rogue angel. I busied myself with Bentley in order to keep from gawking, but it didn't help much.

His eyes appraised me. "Why are you so sore?" There was an accusation in his voice.

I rolled my eyes. "Twenty questions again?"

"Are you avoiding my question?"

"What's it matter?"

He sighed. "Truce. You're limping."

"Went for a run and hit the gym last night."

I caught the relief in his eyes before he turned back toward the stove.

I was unsure what he thought I was up to last night, but I figured it had something to do with me and David. I had to change the subject. "So, how'd you get in?"

"I'm a cop," he laughed. "I flashed my badge and your good, old landlord let me in."

"Isn't that considered abusing your authority? You can't just flash your badge everywhere and get your way."

"I only do it for you." My heart warmed at his declaration.

What he said didn't seem calculated or timed...he wasn't trying to butter me up—that much was apparent. He continued to move about the kitchen, taking two plates out of the cupboard and started dishing up food; for the way he was moving about the space, he could have just commented on the weather, not how he uses his badge to let himself into my apartment, or find me at school and interrupt my painting session to demand I go to dinner with him.

Maybe there are still decent men in the world, I thought to myself. Any other man would have puffed out his chest and hinted at getting something in return for his act of "chivalry".

"Nice dog you have there, by the way." Holden said, interrupting my thoughts.

I shook my head. "I may need to trade him in. He's too much of a softy, obviously. He could've at least alerted me to someone being in the apartment," I huffed.

"Nah, he just knows and likes me," Holden grinned, setting a plate of food in front of me. Divine didn't begin to cover the way it smelled. My eyes raked over the spread: blueberry pancakes, sausage, eggs, and toast. My stomach rumbled.

"How could he like you? He's barely met you." I teased.

"I have that affect on people."

It was true. Holden and I had spent little time together and I liked him. A lot. Maybe more than I should.

I poured syrup over my pancakes, frowning as I thought about this man's affect on me. What was it about him? Was it his cocky, "I got this" type of attitude, or maybe it was his attentiveness to me? It was obvious he cared for me, which was something I was not used to. When I thought back to David, I realized I had to constantly tell myself he cared for me. Back then, I reasoned that because David and I were together for so long, he had to care for me—it just made sense. Who stays in a relationship for that long and doesn't care for their significant other?

"A penny for your thoughts?" Holden's green eyes smoldered as he peered at me from across the kitchen. How long had he been watching me?

"What brought this on?" I motioned to the expanse of my kitchen.

"We need to have a talk. Food makes talks better, I believe."

I was sure I knew what "the talk" entailed, but I asked the question anyway. "What kind of talk?"

Holden brought a plate for himself and sat next to me. "About the other night and us. You know we have chemistry. A great deal of it. I like you, and I think you like me," he shrugged. "I realize you're coming out of a difficult situation..." his eyes traveled from my plate to my face and back again. "Maybe you should eat while I talk."

"You're not eating either...besides, I thought we needed to talk," I chuckled, picking up my fork.

"Semantics. Look, I just want a redo from last time. Things didn't end well, and I didn't like it." He ran his fingers through his dark tresses. "Kennedy. I know you're going through a rough time. It's stressful being a full-time student, plus you're teaching, not to mention your unofficial break up...there's a lot on your plate—figuratively and literally," he cracked a smile at his lame joke. Even I had to giggle. "I know this is crappy timing, but I really want to see where this," he motioned between our two bodies, "leads us." He sighed before continuing, "After our date, I felt so out of place. I get what you said the other night; no, we don't know much about each other. But I want to learn."

I forked the eggs on my plate, careful to keep my eyes off Holden to avoid distraction. "I get what you're saying, but I don't. It's like you're asking me to be your girlfriend but you're...not."

"I can't ask that of you, Kennedy. I know it would be too soon."

"What about you? You just met me."

"I know what I want. But you need to have the chance to figure out what you want. You've spent ample time with the Ring Giver. I just want this one day. Give us this day to learn more about each other. No strings attached. We don't even have to make out this time."

I sighed. "Are you gonna be bringing that up all day? If you are, I'm gonna have to say no."

He threw his hands up in mock defense. "There will be no mention of the kitchen or couch."

"You just mentioned it!" I laughed.

"Yeah, I know," he grinned. "Just today, Kennedy. Please."

I sighed. "This is about more than just a choice between two guys. It's about discontinuing a life I've lived for four years. Sure, David and I are over; but there's much more to it than that."

"Help me to understand, Kennedy. I want to, believe me."

"I know you do. You just...you scare me, sometimes. You're so intense...I've never experienced that before. I don't know what to do with it."

He walked over to where I sat and placed his hands on either side of my face. "You should always have someone that is intense about you." He pressed his lips to mine, planting a chaste kiss on my mouth. "I have a few things planned for us today, if you're up for it."

I closed my eyes and breathed him in. "Like what?"

I could hear the smile in his voice. "I thought we could take Bentley for a walk in the park and feed the ducks. I have a picnic set up for us, too. Then I booked us a surprise some place I think you might like. I thought we could finish up with me cooking us some dinner again."

"Are we gonna have to go to the store?" I asked, remembering our last date.

"Nope! I've been planning this a while and I brought everything I'll need...all you have to do is get that cute butt of yours dressed and we'll be on our way."

I looked at him, desperately hoping I could see through his head and into his mind. What made this guy tick? Why did he pursue me so heavily?

As if he could read my intentions, he answered me. "There's just something about you, Kennedy Ames. I can't leave you alone. I don't want to. You ignite something in me I've never felt before. Physically, mentally, emotionally...God...sexually. You can't imagine..." he leaned in for a kiss and I responded with a surprising amount of exuberance.

Whether it was the affect of his words on me or the fact that I hadn't seen or heard from him in so long, I did not know; but, I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my lips to his, dipping my tongue into his mouth. I never tasted of desire like this. I wanted to mold myself to Holden in such a way where the fire department would have to use the jaws of life to pry us apart. I snaked my fingers through his hair and pulled him toward me.

Holden broke the kiss and lifted me from the chair to lay my body on the floor. Bentley grew excited and loped around my heated body; I grew impatient. "Bentley, bed," I said. The dog galloped off in the direction of my room.

"Good dog, very well trained," Holden said before pulling off my pajama bottoms. "God. Look at that," he trailed his fingers over my wet mound eliciting a groan from me. "No panties," he closed his eyes as if he committed this sight to memory. His lips barely parted as he spoke to me, "If you tell me to stop, I will. Do you want me to stop?"

I shook my head because my embarrassment would not allow me to speak. His words heated my flesh, igniting me as if I were dry tinder and he was the flame. How could he speak just a few syllables and make me want to hide and go streaking at the same time?

"I hope you're going to enjoy this as much as I am," he said before rubbing his fingers on my clit. My back bowed off the floor. "Fuck," Holden whispered harshly. "So wet." He stooped down and slid his tongue over my center, making me cry out. He repeated the act over and over, making me climb higher and higher.

"Holden, please."

"Please, what, Kennedy?"

"Sex. Now."

"Hmm...I don't know." He looked down at my body as he worked me over with his hand. "I like this for now," he said, sliding a finger into my warmth. "Well, fuck," he groaned. "Are you a virgin, Ken?"

I sure felt like it. My body had never been set ablaze by such passion. I shook my head, unable to speak. His sexual forwardness took my breath away.

"Good. Now, I won't have to take it too easy on you," he said, adding another finger into me and pumping faster. He lifted my shirt, exposing my chest. "Ah...yes," he groaned as if he were being pleasured. He took a nipple between his fingers and rolled it.

"Oh...God!"

"Meh...you can just call me Holden," he whispered.

"Cocky," I huffed.

"You wanna see how cocky I am?"

"Yes."

"No...I think I'll make you wait."

I was about to protest when his mouth found my clit again. "Argh!" His tongue slid in and out of me; I was certain he wanted to end my life. There was no such pleasure without a painful consequence, I was sure of it. "Holden...please."

He rose from the apex of my thighs and hovered over me, his green eyes meeting mine. "I'm not going to fuck you yet, Kennedy. I want to...God, I want to; but, when we do it, I'm going to possess you. I'm going to take you places you've never dreamt of going. I'm going to do things to you that'll make you sore in your body from exertion, in your throat from screaming my name, and in your mind from trying to compartmentalize all the pleasure you don't know what to do with. When I fuck you, I want you to remember where I've been and exactly what I've done." He slid his fingers back into me as he continued to talk. "I want to erase every other guy you've been with and leave my mark in you. I want you to call my name...to beg me for more...to beg me to stop. You think I'm intense? Oh, Miss Kennedy, you've barely seen the tip of the iceberg. Take off your shirt."

I did as he said without hesitation.

"Good," he said before pulling his fingers out of me and rolling us over. I sat astride him, confused. "Bring it here," he pointed to his mouth.

"What?"

"Don't ask questions, Ken. Sit here. Take your pleasure from me."