Prologue

My name is Courtney Bates, this is my story. Bringing you on my journey as I become someone completely new.

Let me explain.......

When you find yourself lost and having to start again, life can feel very lonely and against you. Having had my fair share of bad luck and trauma, I can honestly say it is extremely hard. Especially being a middle aged woman, having to start from scratch. I was married, to say happily would be a lie. As my husband Gary was not exactly whom I first thought.

We met and fell in love. We were married within a year together and the first couple of months were great. He was very attentive and kind. I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant. Gary seemed pleased and everything was going well for us, we were happy. However, when I was 32 weeks, happily awaiting the arrival of our child, life had other plans. While out shopping for baby clothes to prepare for the birth, I was waiting for the bus to return home, laden with bags and feeling very tired. I hadn't noticed the out of control car hurtling towards the bus stop. As I glanced up, all I saw was a flash of colour before nothingness.

When I woke up, I was in hospital. Gary was at my bedside, sobbing while hugging my hand. Seeing him and hearing his heartfelt sobs, I knew I had lost the baby. When the doctor came round, I was informed that the impact had thrown me into the air. When I landed this ruptured my uterus, causing trauma and prevented oxygen from getting to my baby. The outcome was inevitable. They had to perform an emergency caesarean. I was left completely numb and unable to accept the loss of my little boy.

I had only hours before, been relishing in the feeling of him moving inside me, kicking and ready to be born. This tragedy was the start of the distance and evil which grew between myself and Gary. I struggled to come to terms with the loss, while Gary busied himself in his work. I don't think he knew what else to do. In reality there was nothing else he could have done. Nothing could repair the pain and loss we both felt. The doctors had managed to repair the damage to my body, they even said I would be able to try for another baby, this broke me further.

After a couple of months, Gary soon became tired of my grieving and started lashing out. First with unpleasant comments, calling me 'pathetic' and 'useless'.

Which obviously did not help. It soon escalated to him throwing things, punching walls and smashing pictures.

He would smash anything near him when he lost control.

Then one day while arguing, he hit me. Punching me in the stomach. He immediately apologised, trying to make it better by saying he didn't mean it and he was sorry. He promised it would never happen again, though I soon discovered that this was a lie.

When he came home from work, if he'd been drinking he would start an argument and it would end with him hitting me. I tried to prevent arguments, but he would hit me anyway. He regularly kicked and kneed me, he was hostile from the moment he saw me. Often lashing out and hitting without any reason. Though as he always promised it would never happen again, I stupidly believed him and stayed. I was scared. I had no one to help me and nowhere to go.

Sometimes he would take things too far, meaning he would have to take me to the hospital. He had broken my ribs, arm and even my ankle. He'd pushed me down the stairs and cut me many times. It was only after the fifth hospital visit that I knew I had to do something.

After some beatings he would force me to have sex with him, this didn't happen often, normally after he had been drinking. He would show no passion or love towards me, he just used my body to relieve himself. Perhaps he thought it was a way of saying 'sorry' for the beatings, though his touch made me recoil and feel sick. As soon as he finished, I would rush to take a shower. An attempt to wash him from my body and to help it heal from the wounds he inflicted. Sometimes I would even be physically sick.

I had no fight in me to resist him, though knew if I did the violence would be much worse. He had stopped showing any remorse. No longer apologising for the bruises and marks on my body, the black eyes and swollen cheeks. It was not a pleasant experience being near him. I knew better than to say anything. I had to just let him do what he wanted. I lived in fear of him constantly.

We had been married for just over two years when I finally realised I needed to get away. I was so unhappy and deflated nothing else mattered anymore. I focused all of my energy on planning my escape, I knew our marriage was over. I no longer loved him, I would even go as far as to say that I hated him. He was no longer the man I had fallen in love with. He was an unpleasant thug.

I started saving, hiding what money I could each week to try and get enough together so I could leave. I had no friends or family, not even my neighbours could help, as they were all too intimidated by him. I was completely alone. After nearly a year of saving I knew I was ready. I just had to wait for the right moment.

On the morning I had decided to leave, I woke up as normal, Gary had already left for work, so I knew he would not be back until the evening. I had plenty of time to sort everything. I carefully packed my clothes and anything else I wanted to keep. I didn't have much, filling one small suitcase and a rucksack.

I didn't take any photos nor anything to remind me of my life with him. I only took my passport, birth and marriage certificates so I could open a bank accounts and sort other issues. I had already filed for a divorce using an online firm, that way all communication would be through them. I wanted him out of my life.

I call a taxi and wait in the kitchen. Glancing around the memories flood through me, remembering the pain and trauma I had suffered in this house, there was nothing good left for me here.nI drag my case outside and leave it by the front door. Standing in the doorway, I take a deep breath before closing it for the final time.

The taxi arrives and the driver loads my bags into the boot. I sit in the back, I felt nothing, no emotion, I was completely numb of any feelings. As the driver started the engine and pulled away, I didn't even glance back, I had nothing to miss leaving that house or leaving him. After a short journey the taxi pulled into the train station and I get out. Taking my bags I stand on the platform and look at the boards, deciding on where to go. Unsure and not really caring, I just waited for the next train.

When it arrived, I moved forward and board it. The destination didn't matter, as long as it was far away from here and far away from Gary. I knew that if I was going to succeed, I would need to sort things so he would not find me. I change my name back to my maiden name of Moore, to regain my identity and to start again.

Fast forward three years. I had managed to not only rebuild my life, but I had new friends, I felt normal. I kept my past to myself, I even had a great job working in a bar. I'd also found a great apartment and had my fresh start. I had rediscovered who I was, I had once again found myself. I was no longer scared.

Though as life had a habit of not wanting to let things be, my life was again going to take another crazy spiral. I am told the bar I work at is closing down, meaning I had to find another job immediately. Easier than it sounds, as finding work was not easy. It had taken me nearly 6 months to get this job. Leading me to my next decision, which was one of desperation as well as curiosity. It was also something I would never have contemplated doing, ever.

My friend Harley introduces me into her world of being an escort. Showing me how easy she makes money and her extravagant lifestyle. Blinded by desperation and the need to survive, I decide to try it. Unaware of what I was really letting myself in for.

Harley helps design my page, taking some very seductive photos of me, adding captions. It looked amazing. It didn't seem real or as though it was really me. After four days my profile set, my page was ready. Seeing my page 'Ms Courtney Moore' going online was a little surreal, that was until I got my first booking.

My first client was with a man called Seven. This was clearly not his real name, adding to the intrigue. He seemed slightly mysterious. All my inner nerves tingled as I was excited, mixed with fear. Could I really be like Harley and make money from having sex?..........I was truly terrified.

It was Monday, my booking with Seven.

I had spent the entire day stressing about what to wear and how he would be, mind was dancing, swirling with all sorts of chaos and worry. It had been 3 years since I had last felt the touch of a man and my last memory of that as not a good one. Gary was a bully, taking sex rather than it being meaningful and passionate. It repulsed me. In the pit of my stomach I could feel the dread, remembering what I had injured while with him, the torture he had inflicted upon me.

I needed to clear my head and try and prepare myself for tonight.

i stand at my wardrobe, staring aimlessly at the clothes hanging before me, having no clue what i should wear.

Being 38, my body was not like when I was 20, everything pert and fresh, my body was aged and showing signs of this. I had kept my body in shape and I think for my age I still looked good, though when I looked in the mirror I could see the hidden marks and scars left behind as a memory of my past. Despite my body having repaired my mind could still see them, remember them. The cuts, the bruises and damage inflicted during countless beatings from Gary's hand. The mental scars always a reminder.

Running my hand along the fabric of the clothing inside my wardrobe, I close my eyes, moving my fingers along slowly, letting them touch and explore the different textures. Both hands moving around, I feel a light cotton, as my fingers brush it I feel myself react, opening my eyes I am holding a white blouse, it was a simple sleeveless blouse with a fitted finish with button fastening on the front. With a plain collar. I hold it up. Smiling I hang it on the open door of the wardrobe. Turning back to the hanging clothing my eyes immediately are drawn to a red pencil skirt, it had a high waist and was figure hugging tight. The hem came to just below my knee. I hold it up, again smiling i hang it with the blouse. Taking out a pair of black stilettos I place them on my bed.

I now had to decide on underwear.

I open my underwear draw and pull everything out onto my bed. As I rummage I find a very pretty black lace bra and knicker set. I hadn't worn them yet, they still had the tags on. The bra was a sexy lace, thin straps and I remember when I tried it on it lifted my boobs giving me incredible cleavage, though as they were already quite large it didn't rake much. The knickers were a high leg thong, the lace was a tiny triangle on the front which barely covered anything, the back was just a thin strip of lace. Pulling the tags off I put them with my shoes, throwing the tags in the bin. Satisfied I had chosen what I was going to wear, I now had to prepare my body.

Deciding to have a bath, I push the plug in and turn on the taps. pouring in some strawberry bubble bath. As the bath fills, I check my eyes brows and shave my legs. Looking at my mass of swirling hairs, covering my private areas I decide to take drastic action. Applying hair removing cream, I remove it all, leaving me smooth and naked.

Turning off the taps, I climb into the bath, carefully lowering myself into the water, its heat burning my skin, though soothing at the same time. I lay back and close my eyes, letting my body enjoy the soothing feel of the water and bubbles lapping around me. I wash my hair and body before climbing out, the sudden cold making me shudder as I wrap the towel around my body and dab my face as water was dripping from my hair. Pulling the towel from my body, I wrap it around my head, securing it before walking to my bedroom.

I stand in front of my mirror, looking at my naked body. My breasts were quite large, with large nipples, the tips were very sensitive, poking out any chance they got. My body slender with a thin waist, my stomach was no longer firm but it was in shape. My hips and bottom round and shapely, my bottom was firm and my legs long.

I start getting dressed, first the lace underwear, I look at myself in the mirror. The lace was so pretty, there just wasn't much of it. I felt comfortable in it, and it did look good. Taking the skirt and blouse that I had hung on the wardrobe door, I turn and check how I looked. I had tucked the blouse in, as the skirt was high waisted the finished look was very sophisticated and sexy. Taking my phone off charge, I call a taxi.

This was it. I was going to be meeting a man, who I didn't know and have sex with him. This realisation hit me, the worry I had earlier had returned. When my taxi arrives, I head downstairs and quickly get in the back, as the car pulls off, I tell the driver Seven's address before sitting back on the seat, fidgeting nervously.

The taxi pulls up outside. This was it, the moment my life changed. My first client, Seven.