A few words up front. So, the idea here is to leave you with one ending which will not "give too much away" about John & Becky's role in the greater scheme of "Out of the Blue," the novel that's growing out of The Dividing Line. That said, the ending you'll read here might be considered a bit of a dodge. Sorry, that's the way it's gotta be - for now. Haven't proofed this version either. I'll do that when I pull the chapters and post a unified, modified arc. Okay, on to the story...
*****
John Wayne Dickinson had just about decided that, after two weeks on the Sawyer farm south of Athens, Texas, being a cop was, all other things being somewhat equal, about one tenth as hard as being a farmer. If you factored taking care of fifteen dairy cows into that equation, being a cop was about one one-hundredths the work. He'd never been so chronically exhausted in his life.
Becky had decided to spend two weeks working with her father that April, and he'd volunteered to get in on that action. Now he was glad he had. Kind of. In a way. Maybe.
Wake up at four, get the machinery primed and the cows set up in their stalls by five, then he and Becky milked fifteen head over the next few hours, not counting clean-up time. It took her father forty five minutes. After that he joined up with Tom walking the fenceline, making repairs while Becky cooked breakfast. Another hour down. After breakfast he worked a riding mower around the fenced dairy pasture while Tom hooked up a sprayer and fertilized the soy field; Becky laid out the rows for corn they'd plant next week, then worked in the "small" garden behind the house. "Small" being one point seven acres - that she would plant with tomatoes, squash, zucchini, cucumbers, onions, broccoli, kale and - last, but not least - a dozen pumpkins. Most of that would be "put up" in September, to be eaten over the winter, but if the weather cooperated Tom ended up giving a bunch of stuff to May - and selling what he could at the farmer's market in Dallas on autumn weekend mornings.
Being a farmer was, Dickinson was finding out, an exercise in radical self sufficiency - and every little bit counted towards making ends meet, making it to the next planting season, then to the next harvest. On and on in an endless cycle that relentlessly depended on almost perfectly timed good weather to make things work. A late frost or an early freeze meant the difference, some years, between getting to take a vacation and very nearly starving to death, but east Texas was blessed with reasonably good weather. The downside? The soil was marginal. The sawyer spread was one of the good ones, though, with more than enough rich, black topsoil to cancel out the less productive sandy red clay along the creeks that ran through the property.
He hadn't thought about much else for the past week - beyond his constantly aching back, anyway - and Becky helped take care of that. He'd look up from a gap in the fence he was working on and see her across one of the larger pastures, working with her father or riding one of the big tractors, and he was simply amazed by her endless resourcefulness. Some tomatoes need canning? "Yup, I can do that." Change the fuel pump on the tractor? "I got that, Dad." Work her ass off in the garden - for ten hours straight? "Let me finish the dishes first, okay Dad?"
He couldn't quite see giving up the whole 'cop thing' - yet - but maybe, just maybe he could see doing this after 25 years with the department. There was one thing he did realize now, however: he wanted to be with Becky for the ride. He'd been sure before, but after a week down here? Well this time had only sealed the deal. There wasn't a dishonest bone in her body, not one, and she was always walking around with a positive, if not downright plucky attitude. Nothing was going to beat her. Nothing. And he loved her for it.
He thought she had a hard time admitting it, but he was pretty sure she loved him too, yet her seeming reluctance to dance to this part of their music bothered him. She wasn't real demonstrative with the whole 'love' thing, and at first he'd put it down to the whole 'cop' thing. Cops weren't, he knew, the most demonstrative people out there - because, well, emotions were often seen as 'the enemy.' Emotions had to be contained, controlled, ignored. He'd seen too many instances where emotions were turned around and used against people, cops too, where emotion clouded judgement - with often fatal results - so yeah, he got that.
'But why with me?' he wondered. So, he'd asked Tom.
"Just like her mother," Tom Sawyer said - not a little stoically. "Wouldn't read too much into it."
"Would it bug you too much if I asked her to marry me?"
And the old man had turned around and grinned. "Fell in love with her, did ya? Well, I'll be."
"And?"
"And? If she loves you enough to marry you, that's all I need to know, son."
"Has she said anything..."
"Nope, ain't goin' there, John. That's between the two of you. You got something to ask, I reckon you need to get around to askin' her, not me."
So they'd finished working the fences in time to run over to May's, and the old gal was just pulling a batch of jalapeΓ±o cheddar cornbread from the oven when they walked in. "Got some fresh pintos goin', y'all," she said as she looked up from the oven. "Collard's will be ready in a little bit, if'n you want to wait some."
"I'll wait," Tom said, "but bring my pintos and cornbread - now!"
May laughed and shook her head. "You gonna plant me some okra this year?"
"How much you want, woman?"
"Four, maybe five bushels. Reckon you can do that for me?"
"Reckon you can get some of that cornbread over here - like, before I die?"
"Tom Sawyer! You be nice to me or you ain't gettin' nuthin'!"
Tom shook his head and grinned as May walked up with a platter of cornbread and three bowls of pintos.
"Goddamn, that smells good," Dickinson said - and everyone went stone cold.
"Don't use the Lord's name in vain, young man, or I'll take you out back and skin you alive," May said without a hint of humor in her voice.
"Sorry, Ma'am," John said as she walked back to her kitchen.
Tom looked at him, shook his head. "Ain't many things around here more important than God, John. Best remember that."
"Yessir."
Becky was trying not to smile and yet it seemed like she was eating this scene right up, while John - the big, bad cop being chastised by May was about the best thing she'd seen all year, and this year had been a doozy. She looked at the boyish chagrin on his face right now and wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh - or give him a hug. What she was sure of was her feelings for him.
She could see it working, the two of them, despite the age difference.
That had bothered her most of all...the idea that ten years from now he might want to move on to greener pastures. She'd be in her fifties - just - when he hit forty. Would that matter? Of course it would, but how much would it affect their relationship then? And she looked at her dad, watched the years grinding down on him, slowly wearing him out after almost sixty years on this farm. Is that really how she wanted to end her days? Working this dirt? Was it all really so important?
When she was home, in Dallas, she knew it was - but once she was out here? The proximity to such endless, back-breaking work, day in and day out, was often more than she could take. Hadn't her parents struggled to earn enough to send her to school, just so she could escape this life? How many times had she heard her father grouse about wanting to earn a living with his head, not his back? Then he'd fall back and say something tangential, like, "Well, somebody's got to do it. Might as well be me."
Was that really all there was to it, all it came down to? You were born on a farm, so you were a farmer? Could it really be so simple? That, in the end, she was a farmer, and despite everything else she learned or did somehow that one bit of information had wormed it's way into her DNA? Was she now a fish out of water? Did school and job mean nothing? Was she going against her first best destiny by turning away from the farm?
'And I'm the end of the line,' she sighed. She wouldn't have kids, she knew, because she'd decided to move away from the farm. She was abnegating her future, consciously. Because sometimes it felt like, by moving away from this destiny, she had deemed herself unworthy of procreation.
'Could I, still? Could I have a baby? Just stop taking the pill, see what happens?'
She watched John as he sliced up a jalapeΓ±o and gave some to her father, and she smiled, shook her head when he offered her some, too, but she looked at him now - differently - and though she tried to hide her thoughts she was sure they were blazing away like a new star, born in this very same room she'd shared with family and friends for four decades.
"I'd love to know what's on your mind right now," John said, putting down the plate, looking at her with a million questions in his eyes.
"Would you?"
"Yup," he said, taking a spoonful of beans.