Confidence

Another older story that I finally got around to submitting. Again, just clearing out some of the archives.

*****

CONFIDENCE

It can make all the difference.

*****

I was still nervous walking into class. I had actually gone to two classes yesterday so this wasn't my first time doing that, but it was the first for this class. I couldn't shake the feeling that I didn't really belong, despite the two successful years in community college. But this was a full university and I worried if I could take the pressure.

I took a seat down front as I always did. I needed to be close to the professor to ensure my focus didn't drift. I was smart, or at least I thought I was, but I could be easily distracted sometimes so I tried different things to maintain my focus.

After yesterday I made a point of dressing different today. I had plain jeans on and a light sweater and wore a pair of flats so I didn't attract the kind of attention I had yesterday.

I had gotten to class early so I was just sitting here waiting for class to start. Other students started filing into the large room and it soon filled with the conversations of people familiar with each other. I, of course, knew nobody.

Suddenly someone appeared in the seat next to me, which annoyed me because there were a ton of seats and this likely meant only one thing, and I was tired of it.

"Hi, I'm Henry."

"Alex."

I said it as neutrally as I could, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. It wasn't.

"It's nice to meet you, Alex. Is that short for Alexandra?"

"Yes."

"What are you majoring in?"

Still keeping myself as even as I could, I answered, "Education."

"Are you planning to become a teacher?"

I was tired of this happening to me again, and I reacted angrily and probably much harsher than I should have.

"Look pal, I've had enough of your game and I'm not interested, okay, so just take it somewhere else!"

I seemed to have caught him by surprise as the look he gave me was one of total shock. He looked around, I assume to see if anyone had witnessed what had happened. The room had gone deathly quiet and most everyone was looking in our direction. He quickly stood up and walked away.

"I'm very sorry to have bothered you."

Fortunately, it was that moment the professor chose to walk into the room and class started. I kept my attention focused forward and the time passed quickly, even though I was still on edge from it happening yet again. When class ended I was putting my materials together when a girl came and stood next to me.

"Hi, I'm Dobie."

"Hi, I'm Alex. That's an unusual name. Is it your real name or a nickname?"

"My real name; It was my mom's maiden name. I like it because it's unique."

She paused for a minute while I continued getting my stuff together, then she spoke again.

"You were kind of rough on Henry before class."

"Yeah, I guess I was a little harsh. I'm just so tired of guys treating the lecture halls and classrooms like a singles bar."

She chuckled when I said that, and I gave her a 'what's funny' look.

"You think Henry was hitting on you?"

"Well...yeah."

"No, that's just Henry. You must be new here. He always introduces himself to people he doesn't know, and sometimes people he does know if he doesn't remember meeting them before. I guess you missed the 5 people he talked to before he got to you, including the 4 guys."

"Shit, yeah, I did. I wasn't really paying attention. Yesterday I had guys asking me out in class and I guess I thought it was happening again. Now I have to apologize."

I looked around the room but most everyone was gone, including Henry. I'd see him at the next class in a couple days so I'd have to remember to catch him then.

I walked out into the sunshine and the fates intervened. Henry was sitting on a bench in the courtyard. He looked like he had nowhere to go. Time to eat some crow, I said to myself. I walked up to him with my best embarrassed face on.

"Henry, do you have a minute?"

"Look Alex, it's cool. I'm glad that you have enough friends and don't need anymore."

"It's not that, Henry. I'm really sorry about what happened in there. I had two classes yesterday and 4 different guys asked me out and I was probably overly sensitive."

"You thought I was coming on to you?"

"I did, and someone named Dobie told me where I was wrong, so I wanted to apologize. I could actually use a few friends since I just transferred here and don't really know anyone."

He smiled at me and I hoped that meant he accepted my apology.

"So, now that we're not in class is it okay if I hit on you now?"

I must have had a look cross my face because he quickly raised his hands in the classic 'I didn't mean it' gesture.

"I was just kidding, Alex, I swear. I wouldn't hit on you."

Wait, what does he mean when he says he wouldn't hit on me? I tried to keep it light-hearted but I was really interested.

"Why not? What's wrong with me?

"Nothing's wrong with you, Alex. You're incredibly beautiful. I just don't think my girlfriend would appreciate it very much."

As he spoke he sort of gestured with his eyes and his head in the direction to his right, my left. I turned and saw an impossibly beautiful woman walking toward us. She had long brown hair and looked like she was about 6 feet tall, though she did have on some heels. She wore a conservative black skirt and pink button-up blouse over her long, slim body, and pulled a small rolling bag behind her.

She walked over to Henry with an ease and confidence that I wished I had, and gave him a kiss of greeting.

"Hi honey. Alex, this is Tristan. Tristan, this is Alex. She's in my Lit class this semester."

"It's very nice to meet you, Alex."

"And you as well, Tristan."

"So far," Henry interjected, "we know she's studying to become a teacher and hates being hit on in the middle of class."

Tristan turned to me with a knowing look.

"I agree," she said. "Some of these guys are insufferable and so persistent. You'd think they never learned the meaning of the word no. It'll stop eventually, though."

She was so calm and nice, and I was surprised at the casual way she responded to what Henry said. Like I said: confident, so I asked about it.

"Tristan, can I ask you something?" She nodded. "Henry just told you that I don't like being hit on in class, and he and I were just in class together. If I were you I'd be pissed because I'd assume he knew that because he'd tried hitting on me, but you didn't react at all."

"Of course. I have complete faith in Henry's love for me and I trust him completely, even with someone as pretty as you."

"That's really great," I said, and I meant it.

"Henry, love, we do need to get going. We're meeting John and Susan for lunch and I don't want to be late or we'll be rushed. Alex, it was lovely to meet you."

With that he stood up and took her hand and they walked across the courtyard. You could tell they were perfectly comfortable with each other and I had no doubt they'd be married for 50 years and have perfect children, and I watched them with envy as they got smaller in the distance.

"Watching Mr. and Mrs. Perfect, are you?"

I was startled by Dobie's voice and jumped a little when she spoke.

"Shit, Dobie, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Sorry about that. It won't do you any good, you know."

"What won't do me any good?"

"Falling for Henry; that perfect bitch has had her claws in him since sophomore year."

"You don't like her very much, do you?"

"I like her fine. That's the problem. She's perfect. She genuinely nice, she volunteers her time, she gives to charity. Hell, she probably nurses orphans in her spare time."

"So, you're jealous?"

"A little, yeah. And Henry's the male version, so like I said it won't do you any good. Everyone knows they're in love and will be together until the end of time."

*****

I watched Henry the next couple class periods and sure enough he always seemed to make a point of making the rounds for just a quick hello. He really was that friendly and outgoing. There was even a couple of, for lack of a better term, nerds in the class that were very quiet and sat by themselves, and Henry went and said hello to them just like everyone else. He seemed to know no boundaries; Male, female, pretty, ugly, popular, not so popular. None of it mattered to him. They were all just people.

He also organized study groups for anyone that might be having trouble. He himself did very well (I got the impression he was very smart) but he knew some people would need help. I wanted to go but they conflicted with my part-time job. I wasn't rich and my family had no interest in me so I was paying for school on my own, along with some grants, loans, and scholarships. That meant I had to work, and I worked as much as I could because this stuff is expensive.

The problem was that I did want to spend time with Henry. Sure, I thought he was a good-looking guy and I was attracted to him, but I knew he was off-limits and I would never break up a relationship. But there was something about him that made you feel better about yourself, like you were somehow a better person because he considered you a friend and was willing to spend time with you. So, I wanted to be a part of the study groups but I just didn't have the time.

Apparently, he noticed, because about 3 weeks into the semester he was making his usual rounds when he sat down next me, when he normally just stands or kneels.

"I'm glad you're handling the material so well."

"I'm doing okay, I guess, but I wouldn't say well."

"Oh, I just assumed since I haven't seen you in any of the study sessions."

"Oh, I always have to work so I don't have time."

"Well, if you need some help, maybe we can set something up another time for just us; something that would fit into your schedule better."

I found myself excited at the prospect of spending time alone with Henry, and had to remind myself that he had a girlfriend that he loved. Besides, he had never shown anything more than friendship to me and he was just offering me some help the same as he would anyone else.

"You don't think Tristan would mind?"

"Not at all. She might even be there, but she won't care either way."

"Do you guys live together?"

"Yep, in an apartment over on Lafayette."

"You guys sure are lucky."

"I certainly am, but I think she's trading down to be with me. I sure am glad she does, though. So, let me know if you want to set something up, okay?"

*****

Dobie and I started becoming really good friends. We'd have lunch together most days and she was constantly on me about going out at night but of course I couldn't because of my jobs. But other than that, it was just work and school.

Over the next couple of weeks, though, I did begin to struggle with some of the material, so the next time Henry came to say hello I asked him about setting up some study time.

"What's good for your schedule?" he asked me.

We made arrangements for Saturday afternoon. I had to work Saturday night but at least the day was free. I looked forward to it all week.

When I got there, he had a platter of cheese and fruit set out and offered me my choice of drinks, and I selected water. I was completely relaxed and Henry was a patient tutor who had an excellent grasp of the material.

I asked where Tristan was and he explained that her parents lived about 90 minutes from here and she went to see them a couple weekends a month. It was something to keep her busy while Henry was busy doing something else, so when he told her about the tutoring session she decided to make a visit home.

The problem came when I realized that my feelings for him were really starting to grow. He was an amazing person and so comfortable in his own skin. But I knew nothing would ever happen, if only because of Tristan, and that made it difficult to be near him, and I thought this might be the only time I do this.

*****

The next Monday I watched him make his usual rounds, and when he got to me he sat down. We chatted a bit before the professor came into the room.

"You better get to your seat," I told him.

"This is my seat now."

"You know the professor doesn't like us sitting out of order."

"I know. I already cleared it with him."

My mind started racing. He wanted to sit next to me? I wondered why, and started to get my hopes up a bit, but then he continued.

"I let him know you were having some trouble so I asked if I could move to help you during class."

That brought me down a bit. For a moment, I had thought he moved because he wanted to spend more time with me, but it was just to be a nice guy and help me with the material. Not that I wasn't grateful, but it wasn't the reason I had hoped for.

For the next couple of weeks, we'd walk out together after class and talk until Tristan came to meet him, which she did every day. I was happy for them, that they had clearly found the one for them, but I did get jealous most days as I watched them walk away together. My emotions were churning, and I knew it would probably be better for me to put some distance between Henry and me but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

*****

I went to Henry's for tutoring the next Saturday as well and was scheduled to go there again today, but last night I started feeling sick. This morning I had a fever and felt nauseous, so I decided to call Henry and cancel. When I explained why he offered to come take care of me (of course he did) but Dobie was already on the job and I told him so. He remarked that he wasn't sure what to do with all this free time he suddenly had, because Tristan had gone home again this weekend.

I had to call out for work that night but by Sunday evening I was starting to feel better, and I managed to make it to class on Monday. Henry wasn't there that day, which concerned me. After class, I went outside to see if I could find Tristan and ask if he was okay but I didn't see her either.

The next day I had my other classes but ran into Dobie on campus and we went to lunch. That meal changed my life.

"So, looks like you're going to get your chance at Mr. Perfect after all."

"What are you talking about?"

"You haven't heard? Henry and Tristan broke up over the weekend."

"Are you sure? That seems like a bad rumor someone started."

"Everyone's talking about it. My roommate's boyfriend is friends with Henry's best friend, Matt, and he told her he spent Sunday helping Henry pack his things and move out of their apartment."

That seemed like a lot of ways for a story to go wrong, and I just assumed that there was another explanation. Maybe they were both moving to a different place for some reason. I figured I'd go straight to the source so I called Henry but he didn't answer. I left a message for him to call me.

I worked that night as usual and I can't have my phone with me, but when I got back to my phone there was a missed call and a message from Henry. I listened to it.

"Alex, sorry I missed your call. I'll catch up with you tomorrow."

His voice was definitely missing the energy and joy it usually carried so I knew something was definitely wrong, but time would tell if it was Tristan or something else.

*****

I was at class early the next morning, but Henry came in just before class and sat down without saying hello to everyone. I wasn't the only one that noticed. I was about to say something when he beat me to it, like he could sense I was about to talk.

"After class," he said.

I was on pins and needles all class and could barely focus on the material. I glanced over at him a few times and he was trying to pay attention but his mind was clearly somewhere else.

Finally, class was over and we walked silently outside. I knew he wanted to talk so I just stayed quiet until he was ready.

"You busy for lunch? I know you usually go with Dobie but..."

"No, I'm free. Dobie will understand."

I resisted the urge to mention his usual meet-up with Tristan and he didn't say anything so I began to think the rumors were true. We went to a small diner across the street from campus and ordered. He seemed to be waiting for something, and that something was apparently for the food to be served because he started as soon as the server left.

"Tristan and I broke up."

"I heard."

He seemed surprised by this. I explained.

"You guys are kind of a big deal. It's all over campus."

"I didn't realize that, but then I haven't felt much like talking to anyone the last couple of days."

I felt a surge of happiness that he had picked me now that he was ready to talk.

"What happened? Everything was going so well."

"After you canceled on Saturday I decided to drive to Tris's parents to surprise her. I've never actually met her family so I thought I could kill two birds with one stone. She always wanted to go home alone but I had the address so I packed an overnight bag and headed out. Her mom was outside when I got there, so I confidently walked up to her and introduced myself."

"Good morning, Mrs. Pisciotta. We haven't met but I'm Henry."

"Good morning. Are you one of Tristan's friends from school?"

"That set off the alarm bells in my head. We had been together for over 2 years and she went home all the time and she told me she talked to her mom about me a lot. So how did she not know who I was? For some reason, I chose not to enlighten her."

"Yes ma'am. Is she here?"

"Oh yes. She's right upstairs in her bedroom with her boyfriend. But knock before you go in; they might be getting amorous."

"Well obviously something was going on that I wasn't going to like, since I was under the impression that I was her boyfriend. There were clearly secrets here so I dug a bit more.

"I didn't realize she had a boyfriend. How long have they been together?"

"She's been with Joe since high school. It's been tough the last few years, what with the distance and all, but they manage to keep that connection by seeing each other here every couple of weeks. I think he might propose soon."

I just smiled at her. It wasn't her fault she was in the dark. I headed upstairs knowing what I'd probably find but I had to see it for myself and make sure she knew that I knew and that we were over. I tapped on the door and heard Tris's voice:

"It's not a good time, mom."

"That told me what was going on in there but there was no stopping now. I listened for a minute until I heard them resuming their ...activity. Then I walked in. As expected, Tristan was naked on her back and being drilled by some guy, apparently named Joe. She had her legs wrapped around him and her eyes closed. She apparently didn't hear me come in so I said her name to get her attention, and her eyes snapped open.

"Henry, oh my gosh, what are you doing here?"

"Surprising you, but I guess the surprise is on me."

The guy was rapidly pulling on his clothes and made a rather hasty exit. Tristan pulled her sheet up over herself and started crying. I turned to walk out but she called to me.

"Henry, wait. At least let me explain."

I figured we may as well get it out of the way so I gestured for her to go ahead. That we would break up was a foregone conclusion and I expected I wouldn't want to talk to her again in the future, and I was curious. Was I just a distraction, or was he?

"Henry, honey, I'm so sorry. It's you I love and Joe knows that. I dated him in high school and we were still together when we left for college. We tried the long-distance thing but it didn't really work, but we still got together when I was home and hung out, and yeah, we had sex, too."