Chapter 6
Chris groaned as he walked up to the cabin, carrying most of their swimming equipment. He looked back to see Gavin walking with Cassie, making her laugh. Ann followed with James; Chris was the lone pack mule bringing up the rear. He scowled and continued to drag the various tubes and floats up to the cabin. His hands were aching, and he was angry at the fact that Gavin did not even offer to help.
Cassie turned back and joined Chris.
"You want some help?" Cassie asked softly, looking up at him.
"No, it's okay," Chris said, managing a small smile. "You just walk on with Gavin, I'll be fine," and trailed off as Cassie pulled a few floats from his hand and hefted them onto her back.
"There," she smiled, "Now it won't be that uncomfortable."
Chris looked at her in surprise as they continued to walk. How did she know that he was finding it awkward to hold all the floats? They weighed almost nothing, but stuck out at weird angles. Besides, he was sure he was not showing any outward signs of exhaustion.
"You're angry," the statement, softly spoken, sounded in his head like a bombshell. He had not known how intuitive she was.
"What makes you think I'm angry?" he asked, keeping his tone light. He knew she would start worrying if she knew he was upset, and he did not want to spoil her weekend. Little did he know that he could not hide anything from her, not even if he wanted to.
"You are. This isn't about last night is it? I am sorry, it is just that it is new to me, all of it. I have never been in this situation before, hell, I am not even sure if it is a situation. You threw me in the deep end, and it will take me some time to be able to navigate it," she said, looking up at him from beneath her lashes. Her cheeks were red and Chris wondered if she knew how adorable she looked when she blushed.
He shook his head slightly, clearing his mind and thought about what she had just said. He was the first? She had to be joking.
"I'm sorry," Cassie mumbled, her voice small and meek, and Chris realised that he had kept quiet for too long. She probably thought he was angry with her.
"No, it's not that," he said quickly, trying to reassure her. "I've just been tired and the lake was supposed to help me unwind but I'm just getting more worked up. It's just so hard to believe that dad just has a few days left and well...."
"Oh," she said, but she still looked sorry. She moved closer to him and for a brief moment rested her head on his shoulder. That small gesture pleased him, because he knew that now she trusted him.
Just as that small show of affection had made Chris happy, it made Gavin angry. Rage flooded through him. Cassie was his! She always had been. He had known her for over four years now, and she had only known Chris for two years. He was much closer to her. He slowed his pace so that they could catch up to him. As they got closer, he heard Cassie laughing, and the sound enraged him. She was not supposed to laugh for Chris, she was only supposed to laugh for him. He had not really noticed, but Cassie was a part of his life. No matter how much things changed, she was always constant. Now, she had brought on the biggest change of all, and he wanted her back
His mind suddenly cleared and he realised that he was being overly possessive. He wondered at his sudden, caveman-like feelings and slowed his pace even more. He had never been this possessive before. He looked up at the couple behind him. He noticed that Cassie walked close to Chris, and that she looked up at him with trust and affection in her eyes. He had never seen her do that to anyone before.
He stopped and stood there, unable to move as he made a decision. He would back off. Cassie obviously liked Chris, and he had no right to force his feelings on her. However, she had to know, so she could make her choice. Sighing, he resumed walking.
"Why do I have to think so much," he berated himself. "Why can't I just be selfish for once?"
But he couldn't be selfish now, not with her. Because, in the most inconvenient way, he realised that he loved her.
---
Cassie stood outside the cabin, looking at the lake before her. She could hear the buzzing of crickets and that calmed her down. She needed to be calm now. She gazed at the black water of the lake, searching for an answer in its depths. What was happening to her?
Ever since her marriage with Chris, she had been changing. The change was so slow that she did not even notice it, but Chris's behaviour in the past two days had forced her to acknowledge it.
First, she knew that she did not love Gavin anymore, not the way she used to. Somewhere in the last two months, he had become more of a brother, a close friend. She realized that what she had labelled love was actually intense infatuation. And Chris...Chris made her tingle. He brought on a rush of feelings and sensations that she had never experienced before. The hot flush of desire she felt every time he looked at her was something that had never happened before. She had never wanted someone like this, like the way she wanted Chris. The way she felt about him wasn't the way she had felt about Gavin. The feelings ran deeper, much deeper and were more primal. But she didn't know how to express them.
She shivered in the cool air and tried to sort herself out. Whom did she want? Why had her feelings changed? She had wanted to talk to Ann, but everyone had been tired that evening, so she had gone to bed. Even Chris was asleep. He had been so tired that she had told him to go to bed, but only after he made her promise to join him soon. Taking advantage of the unexpected solitude, she had gone back to the lake.
She heard soft footsteps behind her, and turned to look at Gavin walking toward her. He came and stood beside her, his hands in his pocket, his eyes on the lake. He turned them to Cassie now.
"What are you doing here? It's late and it's freezing," he said, squinting at her in the darkness.
"I needed time to think," Cassie answered, hugging herself against the cold.
"What about? You can tell me," Gavin said, his gaze still on her face.
Cassie sighed and was about to tell him that it didn't matter when she realised that he would be able to help her.
"Can I tell you a secret?" she asked, moving closer to him.
"Anything. You can tell me anything."
"Chris and I have a paper marriage," she confessed. "And well, now I have these feelings and I don't know..." she trailed off, not able to form a coherent sentence.
"I know." Gavin said. "Chris told me," he said, answering the question in her eyes.
"What should I do?" she asked. "I'm not sure about my own feelings, and well, Chris can have anyone he wants to, so why would he choose me? Why want me when he can have anyone he wants to?"
Her words had pierced Gavin's heart and he closed his eyes against the sudden pain.
"You should let him know how you feel. Maybe not tell him, but show him," he said, his voice gruff, his eyes fixed on some distant point in the lake.
"Maybe I should," Cassie said musingly, and looked up at Gavin. The expression in her green eyes warmed him. It was love, and gratitude. But it wasn't the love he wanted.
