Sorry about the long delay, I needed to sort out some stuff. I still want to continue this series and I'm trying to get back on a regular rhythm of updates. As always, ratings and helpful comments are much appreciated!
"So, I sent this mail, in which I explain the situation and request a change of my name in the documents," Ro said. "And I sent this other mail in which I tell my teachers about my name and pronouns. But I feel like a fraud."
"Why's that?" Moss asked.
It was early evening, and the two were on the way back home from self-defense class. A while back, Ro and Moss had discovered that they had a part of the way in common, so they usually walked together.
"I don't know," Ro said. "I just feel silly asking people to address me with a name I've chosen for myself."
"Lots of folks do," Moss commented.
"I know, I know," Ro said. "It's just that my name is so obviously a self-chosen name. I somehow feel like this makes a difference."
Moss gave a small grin. "I know that feeling."
"Alina and Laura have both read the mails and encouraged me to send them. They pointed out that the university has acknowledged a right for transgender students to have their names changed. But I just feel like they don't see the whole picture. Like, I know they love me and want what's best to me but sometimes I feel like they don't understand what it's like for me. What's at stake for me. There is something about this which I cannot get across regardless of how supportive and understanding they are."
"Because they're cis?" Moss asked.
"Yeah," Ro answered reluctantly.
Moss sighed. "I have made the same experience," they said. "Some things about our experience, our struggles remain incomprehensible to cis folks. And you need to acknowledge that it doesn't have to do anything with whether or not they love you. I'm sure they're trying and they mean well. That's frustrating but you will have to accept that. The sooner you do, the better."
The two walked in silence for a bit.
"I wish I was like you, Moss," Ro said. "You're so chill and confident. You don't care about what other people think."
Moss laughed. "Believe it took me quite a while to get there. I'm sure you will be like this one day."
"You think so?" Ro asked skeptically.
"Yes," Moss answered emphatically. "Wanna know why? Because I was like you once. It's a journey, Ro, and you have begun to take the first steps. If folks are ahead of you, that's just because they departed earlier, not because they are better than you."
Again, Ro did not answer but walked in silence next to Moss until they reached the corner where they usually parted ways. They stopped and stood for a moment.
"Get home safe, Ro," Moss said.
"You too," Ro answered. "And thanks for the talk."
Moss smiled. "Any time, Ro. And not just on the way back from training. Just text me or give me a call."
Ro smiled back. "Thanks, I appreciate it."
They hugged and then went their separate ways.
"You seem absent, Ro. What's on your mind?"
"I'm sorry, is it my turn?" Ro shook their head and forced themself to focus on the board again while they tried to remember the strategy they and Alina had discussed for the co-op board game they were playing.
"It is," Alina confirmed and Ro browsed through their cards to decide which one to play best.
"So, what's on your mind?" Alina repeated.
"It's just... I'm not sure it was the right idea to send these mails to uni administration and my teachers," Ro answered and played a card from their hand.
"But you said you were upset that you'd have to go by a name you don't longer feel is yours," Alina replied.
"And I am," Ro affirmed. "I don't know. Maybe it's because there was some safety in being out only with people who are close to me. If everyone in uni knows, I have no control about how they react."
Alina nodded slowly. "I understand that. But it's too late now anyways." She played a card from her hand and placed two figures on the board.
The doorbell rang.
Alina got up from her chair. "I'll get it. Make your move." She went to the door while Ro studied the board and their cards. The situation was dire, and they saw no way to improve it. After thinking about possible moves for a few moments, they decided on one, played another card an moved the figures Alina had put on the board. Then they waited for her to return.
She came back after a minute, holding a parcel in her hand. She approached the table and frowned.
"What is it?" Ro asked.
"You maneuvered us into an insoluble situation," she answered and gestured at the board. "We lose the game in two moves. Four maximum."
Ro took a closer look and saw that she was right. "Sorry, my mind is elsewhere, apparently."
"Yeah, I noticed. Don't bother, I might have just the right thing." She waved the parcel.
"What is it?" Ro wanted to know.
Instead of giving an explanation, Alina just said "Follow me."
They went upstairs where Alina headed right for Laura's room. She opened the door and entered.
"What's up?" asked Laura, looking up from the book she had been reading.
"Stand," Alina demanded.
Laura looked at her, confused.
"I said stand," Alina demanded again, with more firmness in her voice.
Laura's eyes widened and she immediately put away the book and got off the chair, facing her girlfriend.
Alina raised the hand in which she still held the parcel. "It's still two weeks until Christmas," she began. "But the two of you are lucky. Your presents have arrived early."
Ro's heartbeat increased as they wondered what Alina had planned this time.
"Strip naked, Laura," Alina continued.
Ro watched Laura taking off her sweater and pants. She opened her bra and tossed it aside, revealing her lush breasts dotted with freckles. She made a move to pull down her panties but Alina interrupted her. "Turn around."
