I pulled the car off the highway and onto my parents' winding country road. My window was down, arm dangling into the summer air. I breathed in deeply. The smell--a combination of tractor exhaust and upturned earth--filled my lungs. It was so familiar. So homey. So West Virginia.
Dad was waiting for me as I pulled into the gravel driveway. I almost broke down right then and there, seeing the big grin on his face, like this was a happy occasion.
"There she is," he said, beaming as I stepped out of my Ford Fusion.
He pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek, and I grumbled like I was a teenager and not 36.
"Hey, Dad," I said. "I missed y'all."
Behind us, I could hear the front door opening with a squeak. Mom appeared beside us, her hands clasped together before reaching for her own hug.
"She probably wants to go to bed after all that traveling, don't you, Audra?"
"Yes," I said politely. "If you don't mind?"
I could hardly look at my mother's face. I didn't want her to see me the way that I felt--a woman in my mid-thirties with two failed marriages. Something was wrong with me. I could feel it in my bones. I felt small and naïve. But mostly, I felt like a let-down.
"Here you go, pumpkin," said Dad, opening the door to the small guesthouse. "What do you think?"
The last time I had been home, the guesthouse was only a crudely built wooden frame. But now it was complete, and beautiful. The light oak walls housed my mother's decorative plate collection. Blue gingham curtains covered the two small windows in the living room, and when I peeked through them, I got an impeccable view of the rolling green hills that seemed to stretch for miles. A pair of ducks were floating atop the large pond, above which stood a willow tree with spindly arms grazing the water.
"It's awesome, Dad," I said, trying not to choke up. "Yeah, this will be perfect. Thank you for..." I trailed off, waving my hand in the air. Mostly, I was warding off the tears.
He put a solid hand on my shoulder, his lips pulled into a thin, sympathetic smile. "It's okay, Audra. You know you are always welcome here. Get some good sleep. We left you some food and drinks in the fridge."
Once he was gone, I collapsed onto the small loveseat that sat underneath one of the windows. It was old with cushions that barely supported my weight, and I realized it was the loveseat from my childhood. This realization was the thing that did me in.
I tucked my legs up into my chest, buried my face against my knees, and sobbed. I couldn't explain it except that every single emotion I'd been feeling since my divorce came bubbling up. My mind swam with images of simpler times and of coming home. Nostalgia tugged at my heartstrings.
After twenty minutes, I picked myself up, wiped my tears, and headed into the adjacent kitchen area. My stomach grumbled as I saw the plate with Mom's zucchini bread waiting for me on the counter. I pulled back the plastic wrap and had just shoved a huge bite into my mouth when my phone chimed.
A message popped up on Instagram, and the name was both surprising and not.
Cory Russell, my old fling. Perhaps he was also my first love. (It was hard to make sense of what was considered love back at the ripe old age of 19.)
"Saw your post that you were in town," he wrote. "I don't know if you knew this, but I moved back to Weston two years ago, so... I'm around." Two smileys punctuated his words. "Let me know if you want to get together to catch up. Here's my number. Hope you're well, Audra."
I hadn't realized he was even following me. I clicked on his profile and discovered that it was public. He didn't post much, but from what I saw, he was looking pretty damn good. His brown hair was shorter and thinner now, but he still had that same wide grin and striking light green eyes.
I was too tired to deal with all of that at the moment. I walked over to the fridge and found a six pack of local ales in the back. I knew for a fact that was not Mom's doing. Dad must have known what I needed beyond delicious zucchini bread.
Taking a can of beer with me, I headed straight for the small but charming bathroom and proceeded to sip it while I took a long, hot shower.
"Cory freaking Russell," I muttered to myself, wrapping my naked body in a towel and heading straight for the bed, beer in hand.
He was the last thing on my mind before I closed my eyes and slept for ten straight hours.
* * *
When I woke up, I was starving. It was three in the morning, which made me feel completely discombobulated. It was always weird to wake up to darkness. It reminded me of being a kid and leaving for summer vacation in the middle of the night. Dad would tuck me into the back seat of the car, driving for hours until the sun came up and Mom made him stop for breakfast.
I opened Instagram and snapped a picture of the zucchini bread. I posted it to my story before digging in like an animal. I filled a glass of water from the tap and was surprised to see a notification pop up on my messages.
"Why are you awake?"
I clicked on Cory's name, smiling at his words. "Because I went to bed at 5 p.m.," I wrote back. "Jetlag is a bitch."
"Fair. How long are you in town for?"
I felt a bit nauseous as I typed, "Indefinitely. Hey, why are YOU up?"
"Insomnia is a bitch."
I watched as he began to type something, erased it, and then began again. But no words came. I looked around the guest house, wondering how long I really could stay here for. It was nice of my parents to offer me the place (that's what it was for), but I was far too old to live like this for a long period of time. I couldn't believe I had been so reckless as to allow my ex-husband to hire me at his consulting company. Not only had I lost a husband, but I lost a job as well.
Of course, no one ever thinks that things won't work out.
"Do you want to go somewhere and watch the sun rise?"
My heart swooped at Cory's message. That did sound nice. But I couldn't see him for the first time in years like this--jetlagged and in the middle of the night.
"I'm going to try to get some more sleep," I wrote. "I'll text you tomorrow?"
"I should probably do the same. Get some good rest, Audra! Talk soon."
But the truth was, I felt wired. I made some coffee, grabbed my Kindle, and curled up in the window seat Dad had built in the bedroom. It had always been a childhood dream of mine to have a window seat, so I was delighted by it now.
Time flew by as I got absorbed into the latest romantasy book that Booktok had recommended. I liked the fluffy, playful reads. I liked the worlds that were removed from reality. By the time I looked up, I saw a hint of deep blue on the horizon.
I made another cup of coffee and watched the sun get higher and higher. When the sky had become a beautiful watercolor blend of golds and reds, I felt a little better.
* * *
Cory was already waiting for me when I got to the brewery. He was sitting at a high-top in the back of the place, and he stood up when I approached.
"Hey!" he said, his face breaking into a smile. "You look great. Wow."
"So do you." I really meant it. He was surprisingly in shape, even more than he was when we were young. He smelled good, a bit woodsy and warm. His face was slightly scruffy, which had always been the case for as long as I knew him.
