Sandi laid the garland on the fireplace mantle.
"There, all done," she said to the empty house.
She sank into the recliner, tears in her eyes. Christmas was her husband's favorite time of the year. He loved to decorate the house.
Putting up the decorations always reminded her of their time together. She hadn't been able to enjoy the holidays since he died. She only put out token decorations in his memory.
Chris would have the whole house decorated. She'd worry over him up on a ladder attaching lights to the roof, even though it was a single-story house.
Their artificial tree, and a simple garland on the mantle was all she could stand to put up now.
"I miss you, Baby."
She drank her hot toddy, letting herself cry, remembering better times before her love died.
****
As Christmas approached, Sandi shopped for gifts for her family. She loved to dote on her nieces and nephews.
"Sandi, are you coming over for Christmas Eve?" her sister-in-law, Cheryl asked. She picked at her lunch.
"Of course, I wouldn't miss it. Are you letting the kids open one present before bed?"
"Like I could stop them if I wanted to," she rolled her eyes. Cheryl had started the tradition a few years ago when they had been hounding her one Christmas Eve.
Sandi smiled, "they get so excited about their gifts, sometimes I think they like getting to open something before Christmas Day, that you could give them anything and they'd be happy."
"Heh, can you imagine Stacy unwrapping an empty box? I'd be the worst parent ever, and she'd be sure to tell me so."
Sandy laughed. "Colin wouldn't mind too much though."
"No, wouldn't bother him a bit. He'd be happy with a box to play in. Sometimes I think he's part cat. Last year he was more interested in the box his new bike came in."
"He got over that eventually. Is he still riding around the neighborhood?"
"I can't keep him off it. I have to bribe him with food to come in."
"Sounds like his mother! You were the terror of the neighborhood. Your mother could never keep you nailed down."
"Speaking of Moms, I was talking to your mom. She was asking me if you've thought about meeting anyone."
"Seriously? How can I think about looking for someone to replace Chris?" Sandi felt her face get hot. How could her mother even suggest that? Chris left a hole in her life that wouldn't ever go away. Finding someone to date? It was hard enough just to be without him, she couldn't think of someone to take his place.
"I miss him too. He was the best little brother." Cheryl smiled, though a tear rolled down her face as she thought of him. His death shocked everyone.
"How do you do it?"
"I have my moments when it hits me he's never going to come through that door again. He was such a ball of energy. But I have the kids to take care of, and they are a big distraction. It's hard to focus on missing him when they need me too."
"He would have been such a great Dad." Sandi was crying now. Cheryl hugged her and rocked her. "That's why I love Stacy and Colin so much, I can love them instead."
Cheryl held Sandi and comforted her as only a mother can. "It's okay to be sad, Sandi. I see the same energy in Colin and it reminds me of my little brother. Of what a great dad he would have been."
Sandi let Cheryl comfort her. They would always be bound by more than marriage; they were bound by grief and love for Chris.
****
The closer to Christmas, the worse Sandi felt. Everything she saw reminded her of Chris. The happy families reminded her of what she couldn't have, and never would.
She wanted to crawl into bed and sleep until spring, just so she wouldn't need to think about it anymore.
It was Christmas Eve. Sandi was getting ready to go to Cheryl's house to watch her niece and nephew open their one present before Santa came.
"I don't know if I'm up for this tonight." She tumbled onto the bed and closed her eyes.
She startled awake. She looked around, confused. It was dark outside the window.
She heard a noise from the living room. Worried, she crept down the hall. She had a small bat in her hand, ready to use it on whoever was in her house.
Standing by the tree, someone was adjusting the few ornaments she put on the tree. She could only see his back. She felt goosebumps raise on her arms, and she went cold.
I can't be seeing this, she thought. She stood frozen, staring.
He didn't notice her and touched ornaments here and there, turning and adjusting them just so. Just like Chris would do. Every time he passed by the tree he would futz with an ornament.
The room was dim, with only the white lights from the tree proving any light. He turned slightly so she could see his face.
"Oh no. Please no," she could barely whisper. The bat fell from her hand and clattered to the floor.
He turned at the noise and a million-watt smile lit up his face.
She fainted straight away.
