I think the universe is punishing me for being fast with men. What else would explain the nightmare?? I haven't been going about my plan as I should. I'm supposed to keep pure until I'm married. I've done the opposite. Now my actions have consequences. I can't be reckless anymore... From now on, I won't be.
The dark desire of lust is a turnoff now. It's taboo. I can't break my rule. I have to be celibate until my honeymoon. Meaning no fooling around or near-sex experiences. That's how it has to be...how it should be.
I hear a newscaster reporting an oncoming thunderstorm from the tv. My mind wakes before I do. My eyes don't open.
I don't know why
. It takes some time for my delayed eyelids to slide upward. Brad is sleeping in the chair, which is pushed towards the bed.
I watch him sleep, grinning at his hands on his lap and open mouth. Gentle platters of rain battered the windows. The dark sky is cloudy. Flickers of lightning burst the sky; low rumbling follows a few seconds after. I peer out the windows at the flashing storm and wonder if Lil and Jess are out in it.
The search party should be inside...I hope they are too. God, I need my phone. I could just text Lil. Now I'm worried about her safety over mine. My bestie is tough, but I don't want her out in what the news is calling a heavy storm.
On the screen, the radar has a mass of green and red heading this way. I remember that the doctor left a phone on the bed. I feel around for it, not finding it there. Instead, it's back on the table by the door.
Can I make it over there?
I think I can.
I hang my leg off the bed; wincing at the stabs of pain. The bed crinkles as I try to put my foot on the floor. Brad stirs from his sleep, full of alarm. He sits up and lock his coffee eyes on mine. "Do you need help?" His voice is groggy.
"Umm..." I grimace at my leg. "Yeah, I want to call Lil to make sure she's not out in this storm." I relax my leg.
Brad digs into his jean pocket to retrieve his phone. "Here." He types in his passcode before holding it out to me.
"You trust me with your phone?" I gape.
"Yeah."
I take it. "What if I snoop?"
"You can."
I glance at the apps on its home screen and his messenger. There's a notification for five new texts. I stare at it.
How can he trust me this much already? I wouldn't trust him with mine...not that I'm doing stuff behind his back. I just haven't deleted Tinder yet. I wonder if he deleted his.
"Are you still on Tinder?" I ask while clicking on the phone app to punch in Lil's number.
"No. You?"
"Don't get mad...but...I haven't deleted it yet."
"Why not?" He's hurt by this.
I shrug. "I haven't got around to it."
"Could you delete it?"
I nod to assure him. "I will." I call. I place the phone to my ear. I'm stunned by how quick she answers. "Is everything okay? What's wrong??!" There's pure panic in her voice.
"Hey, it's me. Everything's good. I'm just calling to tell you to get inside; there's a storm coming."
"We're heading back now, be there in about fifteen minutes."
"Okay, good, drive safe."
"We will, hon."
I hang up and give Brad back his phone. "They're on the way." I glance over at the small sofa. "I hope that lets out into a daybed." Brad rubs his eyes. I realize they're red from lack of sleep...or from crying. "Sorry I woke you up."
"That's okay. You're looking better; your color is coming back."
"I must have looked like a ghost, huh?"
"A little." I peer down at my hands and then look at him through my lashes. He acts as if this gesture sweeps him off his feet. Brad does the breathless thing again. I've stolen air from his lungs. "You're so beautiful."
I snort. "No, I'm not. I gotta look terrible."
"You don't." He leans forward to kiss me softly.
"Aww." I give him a nose nookie. "Stop being so sweet."
"No." I laugh at his bluntness. A striking bolt of lightning blinds the sky. A monstrous wave of thunder makes me yelp. Brad snickers. His full lips linger on mine and curl into a smile. He peers down at me. Once again, the look of eternal desire returns. "I need to tell you something." He whispers. "Maddy...I lo-"
I place a finger on his lips. "You can't say that yet!"
"Why not?"
"Because you can't...that's supposed to come later."
"Says who?" He kisses my finger, then moves my palm to his mouth to do the same.
"Says the rules." I blurt.
"I can't help how I feel."
"How are you even there yet? I'm not...I mean, I like you a lot, but... Are you sure?"
"I am."
"But...how???"
Brad is amused by my question. "You're asking me how I lo-"
"Ahh, don't say it!" I cut him off. "Just answer."
He strokes a line from my palm to my inner wrist. "I just do."
"I need a better explanation than that."
"Everything doesn't need an explanation. I can't help how I feel."
"You're just saying this because I'm hurt; you think you have to say it."
"No, I'm not. I wanted to tell you at my place. I chose not to."
"Why?"
"I wasn't sure..."
"What makes you sure now?"
Brad's eyes lower to my wrapped-up arms and remain there. "Seeing you covered in blood...and lifeless scared me more than anything. I knew if you were to..." He huffs and stares at me sorrowfully, "if you had gone from this world, I would have followed you." A wounded expression belonging to an abandoned dog seizes his soul.
My breaths catch in my lungs; my mouth drops. "You can't possibly mean that."
"I do."