Charlie & Miley

"I was afraid to admit that I even had a problem. After my first week here I almost snuck out in the middle of the night. I had a bag packed and everything, but then my boyfriend called. Well, my ex-boyfriend, I guess. He told me how proud of me he was and that he loved me. It reminded me that I still had hopes for our future, you know? I want us to be together, but I realized it would never work if all I did was drink every night at a frat house until I blacked out in some strange guy's bed."

The young blonde glanced down at her lap with an expression of regret, pushing a tendril of straight hair behind her ear. Dark bags hung beneath her eyes on what was an otherwise beautiful face, an indication of the struggles she had recently faced. A small circle of people seated on folding chairs around her remained quiet, letting her gather herself.

"His name is Brian. He used to be like, this gigantic geek in high school that I never paid any attention to. God, I was such a shallow bitch back then. But now he's like this totally-together guy. He's an artist on the best-selling comic book of all time, or something. It's called

Captain Darkness

." She breathed out a laugh, "Sounds completely lame, right? But I guess Robert Pattinson is going to play Captain Darkness on some HBO movie, or whatever. Anyway, Brian's pretty much the high-school-geek-turned-millionaire success story, like something straight out of an 80's movie. We've got history, Brian and me. I don't really want to get into it here, but he's the one, you know? If I had any sense I'd be walking down the aisle with a rich guy who's totally devoted to me, but instead I've been in here for the last three weeks trying to figure out how to go another day without a drink."

She took a deep breath, "My name is Stacy Sullivan and... I'm an alcoholic."

=======

Contemplating her choice as though the fate of world peace hinged on her decision, Miley finally decided to seek the council of her advisor. She turned around holding up two little shirts, "Hey, Olivia? What do you think looks cuter, rose or pink?"

Olivia White, Miley's mother-in-law, was browsing through a selection of baby shoes. She glanced Miley's way and quickly decided, "Rose."

The two women were at the mall shopping for baby clothes in preparation for the pending birth of Charlie and Miley's daughter, the same mall near where Charlie and Miley grew up and where Charlie once worked at a comic book store called 'The House of Spandex'. Olivia was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a buttoned blouse; she was a woman of simple tastes who didn't wear a lot of make-up or overly style her hair. This presented a stark contrast to Miley who was wearing a yellow maternity dress that hung over her petite frame by thin straps, bare at the arms, shoulders, and bust. Her pregnant stomach and plump hips caused the dress to tent around her waist; her still-skinny bare legs poked out from beneath, clad in strappy heels. Miley had styled her hair in a cascade of gorgeous dark waves that tumbled past her shoulders and glistened under any light.

Olivia looked like the common suburban housewife that she was; Miley looked like a model from the cover of a magazine promoting fashion for young pregnant women.

"You look beautiful today, by the way," Olivia commented, "Are you and Charlie going out tonight?"

Miley shook her head, taking Olivia's advice and placing the rose-colored shirt in her shopping basket, "No, I just woke up this morning and realized I was sick of sweatpants and hair scrunchies. Since we were coming to the mall I wanted to look pretty instead of fat and gross."

Olivia's eyes rolled at her daughter-in-law's description of herself, "Miley, you're not fat or gross - you're eight months pregnant. What do you think of these shoes?"

Miley approached, "Oh, those are adorable! They look like little Nike sneakers."

"What does Charlie think?" Olivia asked.

"About baby shoes?" Miley offered a funny expression.

"No," Olivia chuckled, "About how you look at eight months pregnant."

"Oh," Miley grinned, "He can't keep his hands off me. He's always rubbing my tummy and squeezing my butt, telling me how sexy I am... I swear your son totally has a pregnancy fetish."

Olivia smiled at her overly-descriptive daughter-in-law. She had known Miley long enough to understand that was simply Miley's way and had learned to temper any shock, "Charlie's father was the same way."

Miley put the shoes into her basket, "Thanks for coming with me today, Olivia. I hadn't bought any clothes for the baby and was feeling completely unprepared. It really means a lot to me. When I was growing up and I'd fantasize about becoming a mom, I always imagined my own mother being there to help show me what to do."

"You and Victoria still aren't talking?"

Miley shook her head and looked over some onesies, holding one up for a closer regard.

Olivia tried not to show any pity as she knew Miley neither wanted nor needed it, but Olivia felt bad that Miley had gone through so much during the prior two years without the support of her mother. Knowing she was without a maternal influence, Olivia had taken it upon herself to be there whenever Miley needed her.

"Do you miss her?" Olivia asked delicately.

Miley glanced towards Olivia, "Who, my mother? Not at all."

Olivia liked to always offer a bright side, "At least you have your father?"

Miley laughed, "He's more of a man-child than a parent. I mean, I guess I'm the mother now, you know? I have to look out for my boys. Dad would forget to eat if I didn't remind him, Brian seems to need someone to set him straight every few weeks or so, and Charlie... well, I guess Charlie has you to be his mother."

Olivia scoffed amusedly, "Charlie hasn't needed me since marrying you. You're his wife now, and in case you haven't noticed a wife needs to be as much of a mother to her husband as anything else."

Miley grinned, "Charlie's pretty good about taking care of himself."

=======

"Where the hell are my pants?" Charlie wondered aloud, helplessly looking under his bed.

Brian was seated at a desk and browsing the internet on Charlie's laptop, "Go look in the laundry; Miley said something about washing your favorite jeans right before she left to go shopping with your mom."

"She did?"

Brian nodded absently, "Sometimes you are completely useless without Miley around."

"I'll just grab another pair," Charlie decided, "The laundry room is too far away."

Brian grinned at Charlie's sloth, "Yeah, it's such a drag that you have to live in this huge mansion."

Charlie found a pair of jeans in the closet and pulled them over his legs, "It seems even bigger now that Haley has moved out."

"So it's really over between her and Jack?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"I can't say I'm sorry," Brian shrugged, "It was really weird to see her married to Miley's dad given that I slept with her. I mean, it was like having slept with your best friend's mom."

"How would you know?" Charlie teased, "You haven't slept with my mom, have you?"

Brian laughed, "Dude, don't even go there. I haven't slept with

that

many women."

"Well, let's see," Charlie counted with his fingers on an upraised hand, "There's Haley, Sam, Stacy, Cassie..."

"That's only four girls!" Brian defended himself. "Not all of us lost our virginity to our high school sweetheart and married her, you know. Four seems like an average number, to me, for a twenty year old guy; maybe even a little light."

"You get extra points for Haley."

"Yeah," Brian grinned fondly, "That chick is so hot. How's Miley handling the split?"

"Surprisingly well, actually." Charlie sat on the edge of his unmade bed, "Given the fact that Jack has been seeing Victoria."

"His ex-wife?" Brian shuddered, "Man, that dude is definitely trading down. How can he get back together with Miley's witch of a mom?"

"I try not to think about it. I'll miss having Haley around, though. She and Miley have been so close, especially since..."

Brian waited for Charlie to finish his sentence, "Since what?"

Charlie cleared his throat, "Nothing, never mind."

Brian knew his best friend as well as anyone and could instantly tell whenever Charlie was hiding something, "Oh shit, dude. What is it? Did something crazy happen?"

Charlie shook his head, tight lipped.

"Tell me!" Brian urged. "C'mon, dude! I'm your best friend."

Charlie always seemed to cave quickly under pressure from Brian, "Okay, okay. But you have to keep this a secret."

Brian knew he was about to hear something juicy and instantly agreed, "Yeah, of course. It goes in the man-vault."

"Haley, uh... sort of watched Miley and me."

Brian looked confused, "Huh?"

"Have sex," Charlie clarified.

Brian's eyes widened.

"Twice," Charlie added.

"No way! You mean, like, she was hiding in the closet or something?"

"No," Charlie shook his head, "She was in the room with us while we did it."

Brian nearly fell out of Charlie's desk chair, "You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Let me get this straight, you and Miley knew she was watching and Miley was cool with that?"

"Pretty much. It's a really long story that's a lot more harmless than it sounds, but it was like this crazy sort of bonding moment between those two," Charlie lifted his shoulder in a confused shrug, "They seemed closer than ever right after, like two best friends in on a private secret."

"Chicks are goofy." Brian scratched the top of his head through shortly-trimmed hair, "So, she was just watching you? That's really kinky, dude."

"Welcome to life with Miley," Charlie commented dryly, "When it comes to our sex life, sometimes I feel like I'm just along for the ride."

Brian snorted sarcastically, "Must be rough."

"Have you talked to Stacy?" Charlie changed the subject.

"About a week ago. They don't really encourage phone calls when you're in rehab. She can use the phone for like an hour one day out of the week, and she can't have a cell."

Charlie leaned forward to rest elbows on knees. He felt bad for Stacy, whom he considered one of his closest friends, "I should go see her."

"They restrict that even more," Brian warned, "There's a family day once a month, and that that isn't for another week."

"I want to be there for her, though." Charlie sounded guilty, "I mean, I should have been there for her. Miley and me both, we should have been there to help her."

"It's not your fault," Brian assured him, "What could you have done? We were on our promotional tour all summer and Miley's been busy being pregnant. Stacy shut us out, all of us. It's on her, and now she's dealing with being responsible for her actions. That's something she has to come to terms with on her own."

"I guess," Charlie conceded.

"You'll get your chance," Brian told him. "She's going to need us when she gets home. Besides, we've got bigger problems."

"We do?"

"Hell yeah we do, like stupid HBO casting that lame vampire guy as Captain Darkness. What the fuck, dude? Have they even read our comic?"

"What's wrong with Robert Pattinson?" Charlie wondered. "I bet he does a good job."

"Are you insane? He's all wrong for the part."

Charlie laughed, "You said the same thing about Heath Ledger as the Joker."

=======

Miley settled her pregnant form on a bench outside the mall while Olivia went to get the car. Stylish sunglasses kept the afternoon Florida sun out of her eyes; though it was fall the weather remained warm and Miley was comfortable in her tiny maternity dress without a jacket. She busied herself with her cell phone, texting Charlie:

'Done shopping, b home in an hr or so, hope ur horny cuz I am - xoxo'

.

"Millicent?" someone said to her left.

Miley turned to see a beautiful middle-aged woman in a pants-suit with long dark hair just like her own, "Mom? What are you doing here?"

"I'm going shopping." Victoria stood staring at her daughter, who she hadn't seen since Miley's wedding day nine months prior, "My goodness, you're so... pregnant."

"Thanks," Miley replied distantly, unsure of how to react and unbalanced by her mother's sudden appearance.

"I'm sorry, I just haven't seen you since... it's a little jarring to see you so far along."

"It's going to be a girl," Miley told her, unsure why. Perhaps it was because Victoria's expression was showing a hint of regret at being excluded from Miley's life.

A tiny smile crossed Victoria's lips, "When are you due?"

"Just under three weeks from now."

"Have you had a baby shower, yet? We could -"

"Don't," Miley interrupted, shaking her head, "You don't get to be a grandma, because you forced me to choose Charlie over you rather than accept him into our family. That means you don't have a son-in-law, or a granddaughter."

"But sweetheart -"

"Or a daughter," Miley added, her tone cold and final. "You may get your hooks back into daddy, but I will never forgive you; never let you back into my life."

Victoria frowned at her daughter's stubbornness, "You say that now. We'll see how you feel when you and your new family are broke and penniless. You're a college drop-out who's pregnant, Miley. What sort of future is that?"

Miley suppressed the urge to punch Victoria in the mouth. She wanted to scream at her mother about how successful Charlie was, about how wrong Victoria had been about him. But Miley realized it didn't make any difference to Victoria how rich or poor Charlie was. To Victoria, Charlie would always be the 'geek' who wasn't good enough for Miley. Pushing herself to her feet, Miley decided her mother wasn't worth a moment more of her time.

As Miley rose from the bench Olivia pulled to the curb in Miley's car.

"I'm not a pregnant drop-out," Miley said as she stepped past Victoria and opened the car door. "I'm a wife," she declared proudly, "And a mother, which is more than I can say for you."

Victoria huffed at her daughter's words. Her mouth hung open and she was unable to think of a reply.

Olivia looked concerned as Miley crawled into the passenger seat, "Is that your mother?"

Miley tried to hide her disappointment and anger, shaking her head, "Not anymore."

=======

"Thanks for meeting me," Jack said as he picked up a menu. He was seated with Haley at a dimly-lit table within a downtown Tallahassee restaurant. He was dressed in a business suit having arrived directly from the office.

"No problem," Haley replied, glancing half-heartedly at a wine menu. She wore a simple black cocktail dress with stockings and heels. Her long blonde tresses were slightly feathered and her face was decorated with minimal make-up.

Jack thought she looked gorgeous, but then Jack had always thought Haley appeared beautiful. "I'm sorry about all this," he gestured lazily between the two and set the menu down, "About you and me."

"We've been through your apologies before," Haley remarked in a cool, dry tone. "After I caught you on the desk with Victoria, remember? I get it - I tried to tie down the guy who can't be tied down. I always knew you'd eventually cheat on me, Jack, somewhere in the back of my mind. I just never thought it would be with your ex-wife."

"No more apologies," Jack agreed. "How have you been? Where are you staying?"

"At the Four Seasons," Haley named one of the most expensive hotels located downtown. "I've been okay. I miss Miley, and Charlie, but I'm sure we'll find a way to keep in touch."

A waiter arrived then, interrupting the tension and sensing it. He quickly took their dinner order and left to give the couple their privacy.

"I want you back," Jack said once the waiter left.

Hailey's trimmed eyebrows rose in cautious surprise.

"At work," Jack clarified. "You really helped develop my consulting firm, Haley. You wined and dined a lot of our big-money clients, brought them in, and I can't afford to lose you."

"Oh come on, Jack," Haley sounded dismissive, "I can't be the only one you can put in a short skirt to lure clients through the door. Hell, your daughter could do that for you."

"Miley would probably be fantastic," Jack agreed, "But she wants a family, not a career. Besides, as sociable as Miley is she doesn't have the ruthless cunning that you do, which can be important when sitting in a room with millionaire CEO's."

"I think you're underestimating Miley," Haley commented, lifting her water and recalling past feuds. "As for me, I simply know what most men want."

"Yeah? And what's that?"

Haley crunched on a small piece of ice and set her glass down, "Sex."

Jack smiled. "That's how you got me," he conceded.

"Your ex-wife knows it too."

Jack's smile slowly drifted away.

"She's using you, Jack. She doesn't want to get back together. She's using you to try and get back into Miley's good graces because she knows Miley adores you and would never cut you out of her life. Victoria figures if you and she are together again, Miley would be forced to accept her back."

"You don't know that," Jack sounded skeptical.

"Of course I do."

"How?" Jack challenged.

Haley lifted a shoulder, "Because it's what I'd do, and I'm ruthless - remember?"

Jack leaned back in his chair, considering.

"Unlike Victoria, I actually care for you. I also enjoy working at the firm. So yeah, I'll come back to work for you, but I think you need to seriously question what you're doing with your ex."

"Are you saying you want to get back together?"

Haley didn't sound at all insecure when she told him, "I would."

That surprised Jack, "But I cheated on you?"

"And two weeks ago I nearly had a threesome with your daughter and son-in-law," Haley reminded him. "Neither one of us are angels. I think we both knew that when we got married. I can deal with the fact that you slept with another woman, like I said I half-expected it would happen eventually. I only got well and truly mad after you told me you wanted to see her again. Which is a mistake, by the way, and not just because I want you back, but because Miley despises her and if there's one woman in this entire world you need to make happy it's your daughter."

Jack didn't disagree but he was curious why Haley thought so, "How come?"

"You're her father. It's every father's job to protect his little girl and keep her safe, even if it's from their mother."

"I don't think Miley needs me anymore," Jack said, "Charlie seems fully capable of taking care of her."

Haley leaned back as their food arrived, "A girl will always need her father, Jack. Take it from someone who didn't have a very good one. You need to re-think your relationship with Victoria; if not for me, then for Miley."

=======

Charlie was winded by the time he carried all of Miley's shopping bags from her car to their bedroom and silently vowed never to buy a mansion without an elevator. "Where do you want all this stuff?" he asked, a bag in each hand and two more stuffed under his arms.

"You can just pile them in the corner by the closet," Miley gestured, "I'll go through everything later. Thanks, baby."

"You're welcome," Charlie replied, happy to act as his wife's mule. She was carrying his baby around for nine months; the least he could do was lift some shopping bags.

"Is Brian still here?" Miley wondered.

"He left about twenty minutes ago."

Miley's lips curled with disappointment, "I wanted to ask him about Stacy, see how she's doing."

"He hadn't talked to her," Charlie said, setting the bags down, "I guess she can only receive social calls once a week."

"I missed her, today. Back in high school I'd rarely go to the mall without her, you know?" Miley decided not to bring up her encounter with Victoria. It was random, Miley decided, and meaningless. "But your mom was awesome. She sends her love, by the way."