Chapter 8 Endings and Beginnings (part I)
In early November the weather turned cold and raw. Everyday, the sky was the color of lead. Paul's cabin was closed for the winter. The leaves were off the trees. It was that in-between season between Fall and Winter. There were a few flakes of snow in the air, but nothing yet on the ground. Conversation split around two topics: would Michigan beat Ohio State and earn a trip to the Rose Bowl; was it going to be a tough winter and how much would it cost to heat the house. All-in-all, it meant that life was about normal. To Paul, it meant getting some work done. There were new items on his plate. A trip to Latin America was not far off. The EU was promoting some new environmental standards. His area was understaffed and a recruiting program was under way. He also promised to recruit a local football prospect for his alma mater. Paul was busy and that's the way he liked it.
A favorite project of his was coming to a close that evening. It was bittersweet, because of all his works-in-process, this one meant the most to him. It was more important than the Peoria project, or the related lawsuit. It took priority over Glenda's job. It was a labor of love, so to speak. At the outset, all had seemed bleak. Careful, well-thought-out steps had changed that around. He was proud of his part in it, but he was really only an auxiliary to the main player. His secondary role didn't detract from the happiness of the event.
He took the occasion to try the new Italian restaurant in town. It was not so new anymore—only to Paul. He sat at his table sipping a glass of Chianti reminiscing how he and Sally would always try the new restaurants in town. It was one of their hobbies, like swimming nude on a summer's morning at their cabin on the Peninsula. Sally and Paul always liked to share pleasures. It polished the apple, and that somehow made it taste better. There was the pleasure of giving and the duty to receive, and the way they compounded. Glenda was a lot like Sally in that way. It was a memory of the past, but Paul realized that some men go through life without ever experiencing it at all.
Paul forced himself to focus on the subject of the evening. He wondered why his mind had strayed to days gone by. He had never been a 'remember-when' kind of guy. It was a sign of growing old. That was sad, because his body still felt fit. His mind did, too, but his prospects for future youthful activity were poor. Still, he couldn't help reminding himself that there were some good old days. He had to snap back to attention because his guest for the evening was approaching his table.
"Audrey, it's so nice to see you!" Paul exclaimed as he stood.
Paul had not seen Audrey since that day in the hospital several months ago. They had spoken often by telephone. Audrey sent Paul her resume' and he had circulated it for her. She traveled from Springfield to Michigan to discuss her prospects with him. Paul observed that Audrey's looks had returned to normal after the beating inflicted on her by Craig Morehead. He was interested to find the status of her internal scars, too. He would let that wait, because he knew that his protégé was eager to tell him about her future plans. That was a good sign in itself, in Paul's opinion.
"I can't believe that you drove all the way here!" he continued.
"It wasn't too bad." she answered.
"It was eight hours!" he retorted.
"I guess that I was a little eager." She admitted, chuckling.
Paul reached out his hand and Audrey took it. Paul clasped it lightly. Audrey was not frail, but Paul never put the iron vise on ladies. He saved it for men. Audrey's face flashed a look of expectation, and quickly of disappointment. She hadn't meant to display it, but Paul saw it. He interpreted it immediately. Audrey had expected a hug from her mentor, not the handshake.
Paul was sorry that he hurt Audrey's feelings, but her obvious expectation told him that he was right to have taken the step that he had. Audrey had never tried to hide her desire for him. It started the day that they met together in his office over the phony drawings that she had wrested from Craig Morehead. Paul had difficulty understanding Audrey's attraction to him. On their first meeting she had declined to take a chair out of deference to his age. From that beginning, she had come to look upon him as a thirty-year-old. Paul had no such illusions.
A waiter arrived at their table to take orders for drinks. Paul already had a glass of wine, and he stayed with that.
"I've never had Chianti." Audrey admitted. "I don't know much about Italian cuisine at all. Marge Bates and I ate here together, but all I had was Spaghetti and Chablis."
"Let's get a bottle, then, and we'll share it!" Paul said. "I'll help you order dinner, too. I love Italian food. I hope that you're hungry."
"It sounds wonderful!" she said. "I'd like to try something new."
Paul had no illusions, either, about his feelings for Audrey. He admired her courage and honesty. She was intelligent and sincere. Her smiling face reminded him of a flower opening in Spring. He had been close to giving in a few times. The idea was so tempting. It would be an easy jump from dinner table to her hotel room. Paul would not allow it. His feelings went deeper than fondness. At times he felt himself a father to her, or maybe a close uncle. At other times he was her mentor. In between, he heard a voice that urged him to become her lover.
"Tell me about you job prospects!" he demanded. Paul already knew that she had an offer from the State of West Virginia for a similar position that she had with the State of Illinois. Paul had sent her resume to that State's Commissioner. They were old friends from their college football days.
"There are two positions that I have offers for right now." Audrey answered. "There are two others that I think will turn into offers if I wait long enough. I've already given my resignation to Larry Wilton. I've been sitting there with nothing to do lately, anyway."
Paul nodded approval.
"You've done quite well for yourself." he said.
"Every time I went to an interview I would hear 'Paul Crane said this...Paul Crane said that'. I owe you a lot of the credit." she told him.
"After what you did, Audrey, you deserved a little push." he told her. "Even if there had been no 'Morehead' episode, you still gave up a lot to do the right thing. That deserves some consideration."
The 'Morehead episode' was their code word for her brutal rape. The euphemism allowed them to avoid the harsh words without running away from the reality of it. He was always testing her in little ways to see if she was still forging ahead, despite the trauma. To Paul, it seemed like she was.
"Well, tell me about them." Paul got back to the point.
"I have an offer from the Environmental Commission of the State of West Virginia." she began. "It's more or less the same position as the one that I'm leaving. It's a nice offer because of the positive work environment. It's smaller than the office in Illinois, so maybe it will be less bureaucratic. By the way, Mr. Campbell told me he played football with you at State! I didn't know that you played football in college."
"Ancient history!" Paul declared. "Let's get back to you."
"There is a consulting firm that will probably make me an offer." She continued. "It sounds interesting."
Paul nodded his head, a sign to continue.
"I have an offer to enter a doctoral program at the University of Minnesota. There is a Graduate Assistant position that goes with it that would pay my way. It would be a lot less money than I've been used to, but I could manage it. I might be able to pick up some other work along the way. The professor told me that you wrote him a nice recommendation letter."
"The final possibility would be a job with a state agency in the South. They're having trouble getting the position funded, so that would be a long shot." she concluded.
By that time their entrees were in front of them. Paul ordered the veal for both of them. It was a good choice.
"If you want to go into consulting, I would suggest getting your PhD first." Paul advised. "With it, you would have a better expectation of a partnership. With a Masters you may be thought of as a journeyman."
"...or a journeywoman." Audrey corrected with a smile.
"Then it boils down to working in West Virginia, or studying in Minnesota." Paul ignored her interjection. "It really depends upon your goals. You're still young. You have a long career in front of you."
