"Sound the alarms, sound the alarms!" an angel yelled aggressively. The sound of his voice could barely be heard over his frantically pumping wings and the chatter around him. His gold laced robes flew about him as he tried to land on the precipice where the elders were holding their talks. He was at the edge of a large outcropping in the mountain. A stream fell as a waterfall at an alcove in the rock which had naturally hollowed out an area over time. It was now filled with rich green grass and small, well manicured shrubs and trees.
"What is it Jegudiel?!" Netzach went to him immediately, assisting him to find footing on the edge of the precipice. All the elders had gathered for this very important meeting so there was nary a spot to invite a fly to join. Everyone made room as best they could. Jegudiel whispered strongly into her ears so only she could hear. "No! Another?" The implications of her comment wasn't lost on those around her. Rumors spread to the great stone before they even reached it to share the message. She was able to pull Jegudiel up to it with some effort. He was more than twice her size.
"Brothers! Sisters! Hear me!" Netzach roared to both get their attention and exert dominance over the crowd of angels. There were at least 30 of them in a space meant for only the 7. Space was tight. On the stone, there was room for two. They both made it clear they should be upon the stone presently. The situation had become dire. Jegudiel's face was grim. Netzach kept her concerned look while still showing control.
Waiting for the group to quiet, Netzach changed genders and began. "There has been another!" His voice now captured their attention better. Changing genders strategically had its advantages. A wave of murmuring and gasps was heard from all. None stood calmly. There had never been a time where their future had ever been so insecure. "Tzaphgiel has fallen. Her arrows will nevermore whip through the air to give our human wards joy, happiness and arousal. Say a word for dear, sweet Tzaphgiel now for we have much work to do." More murmuring and buzz soon followed by a long silence.
It was Cupid who broke the quiet. "Who is it that brings this news?" He stood from his seat reaching his full frame of 4'03". He was a giant among the others. Most didn't stand over 3'06". Some of them in female form were closer to 3'01". He was a physical abnormality. He was highly respected by all. Everyone wanted to bed him. None more so than himself.
"It is I, Jegudiel!" he spoke, firmly. Internally, Jay really wanted to get this over with but he knew the elders had their way of doing things. He and the other, younger angels made fun of their ways but they all wanted to make the big dance. Being an angel of love in the world of humans was a fantastic experience. Humans went at love and sex without all the formality of the angels. Angels had sex too but there were so many rules like the ones Jay was experiencing right now.
For instance, wasn't he literally standing on the stone in front of everyone? Didn't ALL angels know all other angels implicitly? There wasn't any angel that didn't know another. There was no logical reason for this question. It was a part of a long series of rules meant to keep the elders in power. Cupid asking, "Who be this?" was only him showing some swagger - fluffing out his wings to look like a big deal.
"Fair Jegudiel! Verily, what does thou mean in this, 'There has been another'?"
Really? Fucking, come on! The way angels had been turning into imps all around the mountaintop was not a secret. What the fuck else could, 'There has been another' mean? "You ever heard of context, you little bitch?" he thought. He choked down what he wanted to say and remembering the rules said, "The Great and Knowledgeable Tzaphgiel is no more. In his place is an imp. A dark and brooding creature that knows not the light of love nor sweetness of sex. This imp now attempts to rape and fuck each and every angel it its midst...among other things. It was captured by Michael in quick order after it had mistaken a rot in a tree to be a maiden angel's hind quarters! Fair Michael dispatched him quickly with his sword." Not all angels had only arrows. Michael was a real bad ass. Couldn't wrestle like Gabriel, but one helluva fighter.
A gasp went about the crowd of 30. Not since Pahliah's dark virtuosity had been outed by the very same act of "knot knocking" almost 1100 years ago was a tree even looked at with lustful intentions. Looking around, Jay saw the angels consoling the trees in the immediate vicinity. "Oh my God!" he thought. "Kill me and get this over with!" He just wanted to go back to his work. One day he hoped his work as messenger among the clouds would be received well and he'd get the nod to blow this mountain. He had heard rumors and now the emergence of these imps proved the rumors were true. Angels could leave this existence and find another through the act of sex.
Angels have lots of sex, but only with other angels. That is just the way things were. It was always looked at as unnatural to have sex with anything else. Imps on the other hand had sex with everything. Shoes weren't safe around an imp. They didn't care if there was no friction. They didn't care it it was alive. They just fucked things. Imps were magical creatures just like the angels. Like all magical creatures, they followed simple rules.
Angels tended to human experiences. Some saved lives, some brought death and some, like those in Jay's presence, helped propagate the species. Through careful administration of very powerful potions, aphrodisiacs and, yes, even laxatives, angels helped dictate and drive the advancement of the human species. Jay wasn't too sure how the different potions and elixirs worked but he knew they existed. He also heard rumors that should an angel have sex with something other than an angel, their wings would molt and fall off in a very painful process and they would become that with which they mated.
In a poorly documented case, Cassiel had laid down her wings to become a human female, finding the love of the human man she was sworn to oversee more powerful than that of her sisters and brothers in the sky. Either that or this was another one of those ricochet accidents Jay had heard about and she shot herself right up the cootch. A straight-on arrow to the pussy could cause shit tons of horn dogging under the right circumstances. Jay winced. The lower, hanging part of what would have been his pussy if he was in female form pulled up and into his body. They very well may have bedded down for the night right then.
Imps on the other hand only really had one rule they had to follow. Cause mayhem and fuck. Usually this was achieved by lots and lots of fucking THEN dipping a toe in the mayhem pool. Imps were small creatures much like the elders. They didn't even stand two feet in most cases. Pound for pound they were the filthiest, nastiest creatures in the lands. How angels were overpowered by an imp was the alarming part. No known imp could restrain an angel long enough to cause an orgasm. Part of the rumor regarding changing from an angel to another species was that an angel's orgasm must be caused by another species for the change to occur. If angels were turning to imps then an imp must be walking or flying among them. It was true that imps often had to wear their cocks as a belt or suspenders, what with the grossly disproportionate ratio of cock to imp, but that led to their inability to really rape something. Think of holding your shorter little brother back with your long arm on his forehead. He can't reach you. He can't hold you down. Now make your arm an imp dick and make his forehead an angel pussy.
Jay snapped out of his thought. Cupid was looking at him expectantly. "Oh shit!" he thought. "I forgot the next statement is due!" He pulled himself up to his full 6'03" frame. Not being an elder, he didn't have the esteem of being as short as they were.
"Oh wise and precocious Cupid!" he began. Cupid knowing what was to come, looked to his sides and popped his eyebrows at his peers. Here comes a trainload of ass kissing. Cupid lived for the ass kissing. Not too many mortals knew this about him. He still graced Valentine's cards as some little innocent cherubim. He was a conceited little self cock sucker as far as Jay was concerned.
"What would thy gracious, gallant and gleaming wit say to this scene? Should we idly and surreptitiously flutter to and fro? If not, what does thy almost 1800 years of experience and wisdom say we do? We hold thy ever beating wings as the whispered winds of wisdom!" Jay quickly counted his alliteration. He made sure he used the proper double triple form, throwing a quadruple at the end there for good measure.
Cupid's head, which was swinging about sucking up the praise stopped and centered on Jay as he hit the quadruple. A small and mischievous smile shone through, quickly to be covered up with the proper pomp and circumstance of a pep rally. He leaned towards the stone. Netzach got the picture and fluttered down. Cupid replaced her on the stone. "Oh good and fair Jegudiel!" Jay stood taller. He had just received TWO adjectives from Cupid! From CUPID!!! And he was sharing the stone with him!!! He could barely contain his excitement. He felt this horrible impish tragedy could be a turning point for him.
"We shall do as we have done! We shall not let the tyranny of this impish traitor in our midst - this, this Imp-oster..." Cupid waited for the train to keep on coming. Those immediately around him congratulated him on the well crafted pun he had just shared. One or two angels laughed and made gestures to write that down to be used at the next party. Cupid knew full well that angels didn't write things down. He didn't care though. He proceeded. "...will NOT stop us from delivering daily destiny dutifully!" He winked at Jay after landing his own quadruple. Jay beamed. His hell may be worth it today.
"Now all of you! Be off! See to your quarters! Tend to your neighbors! Turn every stone until..." Three angels, wanting to get a jump on things attempted to lift the stone Jay and Cupid stood on. Cupid pulled out an arrow and, holding it by the end, beat them repeatedly with the feathered side until they stopped. Looking angrily at them while speaking to the crowd he said, "...until we find this fiend!"
The angels all left in a flurry of wings and feathers except Cupid and Jay. Per the custom, Jay did not dare exit the stone until Cupid did. He had the feeling that Cupid was testing him to see if he'd leave with the rest of the angels. Cupid stepped down and only then did Jay leap off the stone to follow his orders.
"Wait!" Cupid yelled. Jay returned to the ground, folding his wings respectfully behind him. "You are an excellent messenger. Your grasp of our traditions has not gone unnoticed! I feel you would eventually make a great elder." Jay thought he'd rather take on an imp dick before that happened. "But there is need of you in the field. Perhaps you can take your strong work ethic below." His eyes purposefully wandered down repeatedly as if Jay didn't know where below was.
Many, many expletives went through his head as his mouth uttered, "Below the realm? I would be honored, oh Great Cupid!"
"It may be ill advised for me to send one of my best messengers" (ass kissers, thought Jay) "to the miserable mortal maze - er." Cupid realized that triple he just tried to land smelled of week old imp briefs. Who describes the world as a maze here? Jay kept still. "Yes, maze," he said hoping repeating it made the landing score higher. It didn't. "I am sending you. That is that!"
Jay bowed gracefully accepting the assignment with suppressed glee. Anywhere but here was his mantra for almost 100 years now. He was so happy he could dive for the Earth right now. He knew better.
"Go see Barachiel and tell her of my wishes!"