Cameron Loves Mia: Confession

Mia lay in the sun with her eyes closed, Solange playing low from her bluetooth speaker. 'He's late... AGAIN,' she thought to herself. They always met at the bleachers in between classes to smoke and get away from the drama in the cafeteria. Lately, though, he's been arriving later and later, and she couldn't figure out why. Did she do something wrong? It didn't make sense as to why it felt like he was avoiding her.

After about 20 minutes, she heard someone step on one of the metal benches below her. She decided not to open her eyes.

"Late again?"

"Yeah-I'm sorry, I had to take care of some stuff," Cameron replied. His tone was unusually casual, as if he was talking to a man he had little to nothing in common with.

"Hey, if you don't wanna hang, ain't nobody keeping you here," Mia stated, her eyes still closed.

"No, it's-it's not that. I like kickin' it witchu," he said. She sat up on her elbows, her curly hair falling slightly over her eyes, which narrowed as she focused on him. Something was wrong. He seemed shaken up, like he'd been pulled over on the way here.

"The fuck wrong witchu?" She asked.

"Nun', fam, I'm good," he said, chuckling nervously. She hopped up with a childlike curiosity, rushing down to grab his chin and turn his head at different angles.

"Yo, I'm GOOD, aight? Chill!" He laughed.

"Whatchu do? You fightin' again?" Mia asked, scolding him with her eyes.

"No, I stopped when I graduated high school, you KNOW that."

"I didn't KNOW you in high school," she replied, "Wassup witchu, Cam,? Are you okay?" Her demeanor shifted into one of genuine concern. This softened him to his core, which scared him even more now.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm good." Mia takes a step back and chuckles.

"I mean, OBVIOUSLY not, look 'atchu! Aye, you ain't gotta tell me shit if you don't want to, but you've been acting fuckin' weird for the past, what? Like, month? Got me out here lookin' like a fuckin' loner. I miss my friend, bro, what happened?"

"Nun' happened, Mia," he shrugs, "Just workin' through some shit, that's all."

"I mean, I get it," she states, throwing up both hands, "But at least lemme know. I was 'bout to drop yo' bitch ass." She laughs.

"No, no, no! Don't-don't do that," he said. The sudden urgency in his voice confused her. She cocked her head to one side; he rolled his eyes, attempting to hide the intensifying flush in his cheeks. Every little thing about her became more and more unbearable for him to witness. He could feel himself slipping the longer he stuck around.

"Did I... DO something to you? You can tell me if I fucked up, you know that, right? I'll own that shit right now," she stated plainly.

"No, no... ugh," Cameron sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"See? THAT," she pointed at him. "That RIGHT THERE. Why you so irritated with me all of a sudden, if I ain't even DO nun'?"

"It's not that-"

"Then what, Cam? You know how much I can't stand that wishy-washy shit. At least lemme know if you not feelin' it no more, 'cause clearly I can't do nun' 'bout it," Mia continued. He attempted to stop her, but he couldn't explain himself; otherwise, he'd ruin everything. He wanted, more than anything, for things to just go back to normal, but he didn't know how to turn back. He struggled to get a word in.

"I'on understand what the fuck is goin' on witchu, bruh. You would think that after a couple years, you'd feel safe enough to lemme know wassup, ESPECIALLY after your breakup. You're acting fuckin' weird lately, you're blowing me off all the time now, you don't even hit me up on the weekends no more, whatchu tryna do, GHOST me now? We're fucking ADULTS, Cameron."

"NO!" He shouted. He hated raising his voice at her, but he didn't know what else to say. He was reaching his breaking point, and fast.

"Then what is it, huh? What, we can't be friends no more?"

"No."

That stopped her dead in her tracks. He could almost hear her heart shattering inside of her chest; all of the sleep he'd lost, every minute of repressing himself, all of it paled in comparison to the pain he felt knowing he could hurt her so deeply. 'No. This ain't worth it,' he thought, 'She needs to know.'

"Wh-... why not?" Angry tears welled up in her eyes, and it stung; she felt betrayed. "Y-you couldn't tell me this shit a MONTH ago?!"

"NO!" He shouted again, exasperated.

"Why NOT?!" She shouted back, tears threatening to break free from her.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

Cameron's voice echoed off the walls of the bleachers as Mia stood in shock, single streams slowly falling from her eyes. She choked around the breath stuck in her throat.

"I-I'm sorry?"

Cameron couldn't keep it in anymore. He didn't understand what was happening or why, but he couldn't bare to be near her anymore. They were seen together so often, people on campus just assumed they were dating, and that made it impossible to ignore. Every second he was around her, all he wanted to do was touch her, taste her, explore her sensual side, cradle her when she cried. It was too late now; the damage was done, the words were out. If it killed their friendship... fuck it.

"I fucking love you, Mia." He took a step closer to her. The flood gates were open now; he leaned into it, holding nothing back.

"I tried keeping it to myself, but it only got worse. It got so bad, I thought if I just stopped seeing you so much, maybe it'll go away... It only made me miss you."

He took another step forward. He was within arm's reach now, making sure not to touch her.

"It's been like this for two fuckin' months. I DREAM about you now. I ain't never fell so goddamn hard in my life. You don't know how many times I almost said 'yes' whenever somebody asked if you were mine... and it hurt every time you said no." He took one final step.

He reached his shaky hand toward hers, hanging limp at her side. She seemed to be frozen in disbelief. He grit his teeth and winced as his fingertips grazed the back of her hand. She felt paralyzed, blinking away tears.

"I- I can't just be ya friend no more, Mia... Please, just don't-don't stop me. Just... let me do this."

He calculated every movement carefully, slowly reaching out his hand, and wiping the tears from one side of her face, never breaking eye contact. This was the most open and vulnerable he'd ever been with anyone, and the fear was maddening. He didn't want to let a single moment go to waste. He finally closed the distance between them. Mia looked up at him with doe-eyes, red with tears, and thought of every time she caught Cameron staring at her; the laugh that only came out of him when she was around, the way he hugged her tighter and longer on her bad days, the time he punched some guy at a party for calling her a bitch when she turned him down. She was willingly aloof; she never liked making assumptions.

He cupped her face in one hand, and hastily reached for her waist with the other, pulling her into him ever so slowly. She didn't dare move a muscle. She felt like she was in the presence of a beautiful, wild beast; any sudden movement and she might scare him off. "Please... just-tell me you don't want this. You won't hear from me again... I promise," he said, his voice a shaky whisper. His face was inches away from hers now, eyes fluttering shut, his heart pounding loud enough for both of them to hear. Although he knew this rejection would crush him, he desperately needed her to say SOMETHING, even if it was the last thing she'd ever say to him.

"Please just... tell me you don't love me. Please..."

Mia took in a rattling inhale, realizing she'd been holding her breath this entire time. Being this close to him, hearing both their heartbeats ringing in her ears, it was all too much. Why was he begging her not to love him? Is that what he really wanted from her? If so, he wouldn't be this close, holding her like this, his face full of fear and longing. She watched his every movement; the furrow in his brow, the quiver in his bottom lip, his uneven breathing, the tremor in the hands that held her so close. She couldn't bare to break his heart. She'd seen it happen before; she would never want to break that man the way his ex did. Mia was the one who held him together when he fell apart. She knew in her heart that she loved him, she just never questioned how much... until now.

"I... I can't lie to you."

She watched as he let out a heavy sigh, hanging his head in defeat. He knew she wasn't into him like that. Cameron slowly made his retreat, at least, he WANTED to; he'd only moved an inch before he felt two soft hands suddenly snap shut on both of his wrists with intensity. If he weren't physically touching her, she would've lost him completely. His eyes snapped open, not knowing what to truly make of this moment.

"Stay." Mia whispered, staring deep into the pools of honey in his eyes, "Don't run from me."

She ran her thumb across the veins in his hand on her cheek. He couldn't stop the tears from falling now; he was stunned, bewildered. Her other hand traveled up his arm, across his shoulder, and rested on the back of his neck, brushing past the ends of his locs. She coaxed him closer until their foreheads met. She closed her eyes; she'd always been spiritual, but she'd never attempted to tune into someone like this. The tension between them was palpable, to say the least. She never thought to explore the idea of romance with Cameron before; for all she knew, they were just two prisoners, serving their time in college together. Not today. Today, she must answer a very important question: had he ever given her a reason not to trust him?

Mia thought of all the classes she would've failed without his help, all the times he stood up for her when she wasn't around to defend herself, all the ways he hyped her up before she made a big decision. He was her biggest hype-man, her cheerleader, and she couldn't figure out why. All she knew was that she'd happily return the favor. She didn't want to fear him; she wanted to embrace him, now more than ever. She knew softness was difficult for him, but he was being brave for her, especially in this moment.

She had her answer.

Mia brought her face so close to his, he could feel her nose-ring on his own nostril. The skin on their lips made the slightest contact, and Cameron took a short, sharp inhale. His entire being tensed up around her. All she wanted in this moment was to bring him ease again. She wanted to be safe, not only with him, but FOR him. He could feel her hesitant breath on his lips. 'Please... just fuckin' do it already,' he thought to himself. He couldn't take another second of torture.

Mia's grip tightened on the back of his neck, and finally, after what felt like lifetimes, it happened.

She caught his bottom lip between hers; his lips were surprisingly soft. His grip on her waist tightened, almost painfully. His eyes fluttered for a second, sending the tears he tried holding back rushing down his face, and mixing with her own. Once he realized what was happening, he lost all control of his body. He melted into a puddle in front of her, his tensed muscles turning to goo. If she wasn't standing there, he would've fallen over. He grew heavy around her, and she held him tighter in response.

She kissed him again, their tongues meeting for the first time. Her tongue tasted... sweet? Like the white flesh of a strawberry, or the taste of honeydew melon. The hot coals he tried suffocating within himself now burst into flames, as if all it took was the soft, steady breath between her kisses to ignite him. He pulled her closer to him still, as if the flesh of their touching torsos just wasn't enough. He wanted to melt into her, to feel her blood flowing through his own veins. He was consumed with her now, nothing else mattered; not the wind blowing goosebumps across her skin, not the dull sound of traffic in the distance, not even the sound of track runners slowly pooling in, preparing for warm-ups. He wanted nothing to rip him away from this, from her.

'I'll never let this go,' he thought, desperately. As if to hear his cry, she kissed him again; this time, with more passion than he anticipated. With one hand gripping the side of his hoodie, her fingers entangled in his hair now, the pleasant breeze within her turned into a tornado before she even knew what was happening. There was a sudden urge within her to claw at his skin; there was still so much she didn't know about him, and the closer they got, the more she wanted to explore him, inside and out.

Mia knew that if she didn't stop now, she'd be arrested for indecent exposure soon; she needed to get away from here. NOW. She suddenly ripped herself away from him, nervously adjusting her big, curly hair.

"I- uhm... I can't go back to class. Not after that. You wanna get out of here?" She asked.

"And go where?" Cameron asked in response. He stood there with nothing left to do with his hands, so he quickly slipped them into his center pocket, erratically releasing his anxiety through his now hidden fingers. She climbed back up the bleachers to where she had left her things, put her speaker in her backpack, and wordlessly put a fresh blunt to her lips, lighting it as she made her way toward the campus parking lot.

He lived farther away from campus than she did; it was about a 10-minute walk from the apartment she shared with her brother. He was busy living on a military base, so she had the place to herself most days, anyway. Perfect for a day like this.

He knew she lived alone, unlike most people he knew, who either still lived with their parents or had multiple roommates. He always made it a point to invite HER over to study. He often made it seem like he just had more material at his place, but deep down, he knew that if they were alone together, he wouldn't be able to contain himself.

Today, that changes.

Mia opened the door, removed her speaker, took off her shoes, and tossed her backpack down next to the side table she tossed her keys in. Living with his father, Cameron was only used to male standards of living: the smell of old takeout, clothing strewn about, beer cans littering the countertops. He'd almost forgotten what to a woman's home felt like: scented candles in every room, color coordinated furniture, ambient lighting. It was nothing like his mother's home, filled to the brim with gold accented decorations and incense smoke. He missed it there, hoping she was enjoying her extended vacation after he moved away for college. He decided to text her, thankful for the distraction. He didn't know how to break the silence as Mia slipped into her routine, settling herself in for the day. Now he understood why she never liked going anywhere; her home was... peaceful.

[Thinkin bout u today. Miss u. Hope ur ok. Luv u Ma.]

As he was finishing up, he suddenly felt Mia's hands grip his shoulders, forcing him to turn around. She pulled at the straps of his backpack, taking it off and setting it down next to hers. When he turned back around, he was surprised to see that she wasn't wearing the clothes she walked in with. She sported a plain black, snug-fitting, v-neck crop top, and a loose-fitting pair of light blue pajama bottoms decorated with black rabbits, her hair tied back in a messy, haphazard bun. A soft grin appeared on his face, until he realized she wasn't wearing a bra. He quickly averted his attention, clearing his throat.

"Uhh... It- *ahem* it smells nice in here," Cameron said, removing his own shoes.

"Thanks. I don't like the way food makes my room smell so I just keep these around everywhere," Mia replied, loosely motioning towards the different sets of candles around the living room and kitchen.

She gestured toward her bedroom, and invited him to walk ahead. He was amazed at what he saw: black paint covered every inch of wall in here, with a giant black 'moon card' topiary nailed to the ceiling, feline statues of different shapes and sizes in every corner of the room, picture frames filled with pressed flowers, black artists, and skull art, a plush futon for overnight guests, and a queen-sized bed with a large black comforter, decorated in constellations. Their only source of light came from a large sky blue lava lamp, and a string of light blue fairy lights lining her headboard. It was like a dark fairytale in here; it felt as though he'd stepped into a different world.

"Woah..." He said.

"Right?" She replied, "Now you know why I'on like leavin' the house."

"Shit, I wouldn't either," he chuckled.

The banter helped him loosen up a little bit. She hopped onto her bed, with no desire to remain proper, and patted the space in front of her, inviting him to sit down. He took off his hoodie, laid it across the futon, and sat down in front of her while she set up her speaker. Seeing her in her natural environment was endearing to him, but the feeling didn't last long; he was quickly overcome with anxiety as she met his gaze.

'I'm in her house, in her bed. What the fuck do I do now?' He thought to himself.

Mia spoke up.

"Now, you know I take consent very seriously, so, I'm gon' let you pick what comes first: discussion, or exploration?"

"Huh?" Cameron replied, confused by what she meant by either option.

"Would you like to express yourself with words or actions?" She elaborated. She was so good at that, asking the right questions. She always complained about random strangers sharing their darkest secrets with her, and now he understood why.

"Yeah, I'on think I can fight for more words right now," He admitted. She chuckled; he looked spent, like he was finally able to put down the weight he'd been carrying for so long.

"Fine with me," she said, "Actions it is. C'mon." She laid back on one side of the bed, inviting him to join her. This stunned him; he was petrified, afraid to make the wrong move. She sighed and smiled, shaking her head.

"C'mere." She then sat up, grabbed a handful of his shirt collar, and kissed him deeply, dragging him down into the space next to her.

His head was spinning: out of all the outcomes he'd envisioned in his mind, this was DEFINITELY not one of them.

Like blowing on the embers of a fire, Cameron slowly explored Mia's lips: this time, intentionally. He tuned into his five senses, praying this wasn't just another dream. Her scent alone was intoxicating, with slight hints of redwood, raw shae butter, and plums, underneath fresh sativa smoke and blended hair oils. He never expected her voice to affect him as much as it did; her soft, low moans excited his body before he could even fully process it. He traced his hand over her hip, down the length of her thigh; her skin was unbelievably smooth. She draped her leg over him in response; now he understood what she meant whenever she mentioned 'enthusiastic' consent: she made sure he KNEW how much she wanted him. He could feel it imminating from every part of her body.

That same sweet taste on her tongue made his heart race even faster than it already was, even with the taste of lemon haze mixed in. The high was really getting to him now, turning all the chatter in his brain into static, allowing him to fully sink into the hunger of his body.

Exploration.

Action.

If he wanted to explore, he needed to act. He took her dishevelled bun into his hand and slowly pulled it back. The most tender, erotic sigh left her lips with ease, and he couldn't help but swoon over her. Completely smitten, with no regard for his own demeanor, he watched her give in. She presented her neck to him like a sacrifice, her chest rapidly rising and falling. She couldn't contain her excitement, and that sparked something wild and untamed within him.

Careful not to harm her, Cameron buried himself into the curve of her neck, kissing, licking, and biting his way up. He softly bit down on the deepest curve of her neck.