California Dreamin'

The Midwest farmer's daughters

Really make you feel all right

And the Northern girls with the way they kiss

They keep their boyfriends warm at night

I wish they all could be California girls...

I was happy, very happy. Marie was going to have a baby... we were going to have a baby and I felt the vacuum that had been created by the death of my daughter had been filled and then I realized that whatever my new child would bring to my life, to our lives, she would be her own person and all that that entailed.

Marie proposed "Jennifer" for our child. It sounded all right to me and so I agreed. A child's name is very important to their life, customized for everything she would do.

I was silently working on my stamp collection, putting in the missing "postage due" stamp that the supply company had somehow missed sending me. Now, it was complete and I showed it to her.

"There, that's done," I said triumphantly, looking at the filled page of red and white stamps that hearkened to a lost time when people actually wrote to one another using pen and paper and somehow came up short in the postage. I held up the page for her inspection, knowing in the back of my mind that she was only paying attention because she loved me.

Marie looked over and gave the page a cursory glance. "Nice," she said, returning to what she was doing on her laptop. Actually, it was my laptop but she had appropriated it so that she could work with it while watching television. She liked "Law and Order" and Thursday evenings were locked into watching the three shows.

I liked the first one, survived through the second and barely endured the third. I liked "NCIS" but was sorry that the Los Angeles version was coming to an end.

Later that night, we made love slowly and with whatever emphasis I could muster to make her feel good. I kissed her breasts, feeling her nipples harden beneath my lips, my tongue worshiping her body as I slowly moved her above me and she reached to bring me in.

*****

The next day we went to Outback to celebrate her birthday but truth be told my steak wasn't very good. It was tough. My ice tea was good.

As time had gone by, I was finding it harder to walk. We had gone to Las Vegas and Marie was walking ahead of me down the Strip and I couldn't keep up. She thought it was funny. My doctor had scheduled an MRI to see what was causing me such pain. It turned out that my spine had been damaged as a child and would eventually cripple me.

*****

I was wondering how the doctors had missed that when I was declared disabled while I was still with the police department. We made an appointment to see the Social Security office and see what I could expect from them. I didn't think it would be difficult, given my circumstances with the police department and yet it took over a year for my disability to be approved by the government.

I hobbled in on my cane, an ugly contraption designed to keep me upright. The Interview took three hours and at the time it seemed only the doctor was on my side. There was a psychiatrist who kept asking me why I couldn't do some type of office work and couldn't understand the pain I was now in.

When the interview was over, I went out into the hallway and waited to see what was the decision. The doctor came out and told me not to worry. My lawyer was awarded four months payments for the little work that she had done but I didn't care and she told me to see what award was better, the police payment or the Social Security. I ended up staying with the police.

Marie drove us home. I missed driving. I had inherited a 57 Chevy from my parents and it was so much fun to take out on the weekends listening to people honk as we drove by.

*****

"I''m so sorry," I said to Marie. "I never expected this to happen."

"It's all right," she replied. "I will take care of you."

I spent the next week slowly planting peach and pear trees until I realized that my gardening days were sadly over and so I got a couple of kids from the high school football team to finish it which they did in a short period of time. I looked at their work, a little sloppy compared to mine but good enough.

*****

"Good news. Alan... Doctor Ubley believes that an operation on your back will help you. Are you interested?"

I looked at Marie and carefully thought over the possibility that there could be a chance for me to live without the tremendous pain that bothered me every day.

"Well, let's give him a call and set up an appointment." I reached for my cell phone and made the, setting up an appointment two days later. I hoped that something could actually help me, I was at wit's end.

*****

"He's resting now," said the doctor. I could just hear him talking to my wife in the hallway. "We'll get him up and walking within a couple of days."

I was surprised that the doctor thought I could walk in just a short while but he was right and I was slowly walking down the hallway two days later using a walker to support me. Marie was next to me wearing a big smile, constantly asking me how I felt.

I could walk without pain and I felt so good. Thank God, I thought, that it was over.

That's my story and that's my life, now, thanks to my wife and my doctor.