Busted!
This is a love story of betrayal and commitment.
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What a day! Some weeks it seems that Friday evening will never come. I dropped my purse onto the couch and tossed my coat over the back. Some days you just don't care about unimportant things like hangers and neatness. I fell into my favorite chair and laid my head back until I was more lying in the chair than sitting in it. I was so pissed off that a part of me wanted to kick my shoes across the room, but with my luck I'd break something, so I contented myself with just letting them drop from my feet.
"You look exhausted. You okay?"
It was my husband, Jim. He'd come in from the kitchen where he was fixing dinner.
"Bad day. I swear some people are just too damn stupid for their own good. No, scratch that. They aren't stupid. They're immature. I feel like I've been a witness to a train wreck. It's all playing out in slow motion and all I can do is watch."
"Sounds bad. Want to talk about it?"
God yes! I wanted to spill my guts and tell him everything, but then I'd be putting him in the same position that I'm in now. Did I really want to do that to this man I love?
"No. Not much point to it. Give me a minute and I'll get changed for dinner."
"Dinner won't be ready for a half hour. You sit and relax."
A minute later he was back with a glass of chilled white wine and a small plate of crackers, cheese, and olives. My favorite!
"What did I do to deserve you?"
"I don't know - kicked a baby, hit a nun, I don't know." He was smiling and now so was I.
"Sister Mary Alice in sixth grade. I came so close..."
Jim laughed and returned to his labors in the kitchen while I sat there with my wine and plate thinking about the last hour. What is wrong with people? They have everything they need and still they want more. I swear I think that some of them just do these things to prove that they can. If I told Barbara "Don't jump off that cliff!' she'd be over the edge shouting "You're not the boss of meeeeeee..."
At least I was home. I finished half my wine and some of my plate, then headed upstairs to change. I had time and stepped into the shower for a quick rinse and then dressed in my most comfortable clothes which means sweatpants and one of my husband's flannel shirts. I reached the table just in time as Jim and the kids were setting the plates and serving bowls.
"Wow, mom, are we dressing for dinner?" That was my smart-mouth twelve-year-old daughter Claire.
Jim was laughing. "Give your mother a break. She's had a hard day." Then after a moment he added, "By the way, weren't you stopping off for drinks with the girls?"
And with that question reality came crashing back again. "Yeah, but I didn't stay. I just wanted to be home."
My boys saw an opening and took it.
Jacob, who was ten, said, "Mom just can't party like she used to."
My youngest, Paul, who was only eight added, "Mom's getting old."
Wow! Are all my kids smart mouths?
"Okay, that's enough. Give mom a break. She's had a hard week."
Thank God for Jim. The rest of the meal was the usual cacophony where all three kids wanted to speak at the same time, arguments for every imagined reason, and a rapid-fire exchange of challenges and support. In other words, it was a pretty typical meal at the Erickson house, and I felt greatly recharged and rejuvenated by the time it was done.
Soon the kids headed off to do their homework because they had games on Saturday. Even at their tender age they were already learning to budget their time. Jim offered to do the dishes and told me to pour another glass of wine and go relax in the living room. That sounded good to me. Sitting there, I took a moment to reflect on my life and I couldn't help but think how lucky I really am. I have a husband who loves me, three kids who need me, and a life I wouldn't trade for anything. Barbara has all those same things. Her husband, Tom, is a great guy. Her kids play with my kids. I know them. They're sweet and fun. So what the fuck is wrong with her?
Drinks after work had turned into an ugly business and I had soon announced that I needed to go home. Bill Bradley showed up not long after we got there. Who do they think they're kidding? They weren't even trying to hide it. If she wasn't having an affair with him, she soon would be. Between drinks and dancing, the little touches, and the whispering face-to-face so close it was embarrassing to share a table with them, I finally excused myself and left for home. They barely acknowledged my departure.
That was when I realized I had two reasons to be angry with Barbara. First, she was betraying Tom and Tom is Jim's friend. Then there was the way they made me complicit in their inappropriate behavior at drinks that night. Anyone who saw me sitting there would have thought that I approved and that meant that I was betraying Tom, and by betraying Tom I was betraying Jim. She made me feel dirty and I did nothing to deserve it.