Brownwood: I Dreamed

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather

- I Dreamed a Dream, Les Misérables

****

Zach had just gotten out of the shower when he heard the pounding on his front door. It wasn't unexpected. Allie had returned Shannon back home late yesterday morning. The look on his face had told her things hadn't gone as she'd hoped. She'd tried to talk to him but he'd shut her down quickly.

But that was yesterday, today he prepared for the proverbial shit to hit the fan.

Quickly he dressed and went to the door. Looking out the window, he saw both his mother and sister standing there, waiting impatiently. It was obvious they were upset. Zach looked over at Shannon playing on the floor as he opened the door. He was met by two angry women who verbally assaulted him at the same time.

"What the hell have you done?" Allie yelled. "I can't believe you'd be that cruel!"

"Damn you, Zach!" Ginny screamed. "Do you know what you did to that poor girl? She looked like a zombie when I saw her."

"Daddy? Gamma?" Shannon's scared voice froze both women.

Zach forced a smile for his little girl and he spoke to her in a funny cartoon voice.

"It's okay, Cupcake, Gamma and Aunt Gin were teasing your daddy."

Shannon smiled at him.

"Daddy, you're silly!"

She giggled and went back to playing on the floor.

"Zach, I—" Allie began.

He put his finger to his lips as he stepped out onto the landing, making sure to close the door behind him. His face was dark with anger when he turned and faced the two women.

"Who the fuck do you two think you are?" he hissed, making sure that his voice didn't carry past the front door. His language and intense rage caused both Allie and Ginny to step back.

"Where in the hell do you get off coming to

my

home and yelling at me in front of

my

daughter? I told you that I'd take care of this once I got stronger, and I did. If you don't like the way I handled it then that's too damn bad. Didn't you see this coming or were you so full of yourselves that you thought I'd just take it?

"You knew how I felt about Bree but it didn't matter, did it?" Zach seethed as he glared at his mother. "The only thing that mattered was what you thought was best! Well here's a little news flash, Mom, right now what you think doesn't mean shit. From now on, I'm going to do what I think is best for Shannon and me.

"If you want to keep us in your lives, you'll honor my decision and back off," Zach said coldly. Then he walked back into his apartment and closed the door, leaving the two stunned women.

****

"Are you sure, Zach?" Maria Grymm said later that afternoon in her flat no-nonsense voice.

"Yeah, Maria, I need to get away for a while and figure out where I want to go from here. The project down in Florida would give me some time to think."

"Are you sure this is the best decision?"

Zach smiled to himself. He could see her mind processing, as she worked through the multiple scenarios of his request. He was certain she would come to the same conclusion; this was good for both him and the company.

Their client in Florida was struggling and growing increasingly frustrated with their project. That was souring their business relationship with GBES. Zach's presence would help the situation and possibly encourage them to continue past this initial project. This first project was supposed to take a couple of months to complete but if successful, it would lead to many projects that would span several years.

"All right," his boss stated. "It appears your reasoning is solid and this trip will be beneficial to both the company and you. I'll go ahead and approve it. When do you want to make it effective?"

"I can be there by the end of the week. That should give them enough time to get ready for me."

"Agreed," she said and then flashed Zach a thin smile.

"You know, Victor and Roland will be very disappointed if you decide to stay there and not come back to Brownwood. I would too but I think both of them might actually pout!"

They both chuckled at the thought.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Maria, there are too many distractions around here."

"Well then," she replied softly, "the best of luck to you. Go to Florida and get things sorted out, or at least make an action plan on how to begin doing that."

****

Zach walked back into his living room after putting Shannon to bed. The tension in the room was intense as he sat down and faced his mother and sister again. He almost smiled as he looked at the two women. Their faces and appearances were very similar, as were the stern looks that each had as they stared at him. Ginny really was a younger clone of her mother.

"Zach, about yesterday-" Allie began.

"No," he interrupted, much to the surprise of both women. "No Mother, whatever damage was done yesterday is done. This is my home and my meeting. Tonight is about moving forward. I asked you both here so that I wouldn't have to repeat myself."

Allie was alarmed at her son's coldness.

"Mother, have I ever been a bad father to Shannon?"

"No, you've always been a good father, probably even a wonderful father to her. But what-"

"Please, just humor me for a moment. I also believe that I'm doing very well at GBES. So, I haven't heard any complaints about me as a parent or employee.

"During my divorce and even with Susan's cheating, I don't believe I acted overly destructive did I?"

"No, but you were so angry and sad," Allie stated cautiously.

"Yes, me and a million other poor souls who've had to go through a divorce. I was hurt and frustrated by the failure of my marriage, but I don't remember anyone telling me I was bitter after the divorce."

"Then my ex-fiancée came back to town and my mother pushed me into going to the reunion to see her. After that, my mother just knew it was in my best interest to go talk to her, even though I got my 'panties in a bunch.' But she'd said I'd made my point, right Mom?"

Allie's face blanched.

"But apparently that wasn't the case though, because after my ex-fiancée's psycho ex-husband shot me in the back, my mother must've had an epiphany. She, in her infinite wisdom, decided it was best for me to be trapped in my own home with the same bitch that'd brought all this joy into my life!

"But even with as bad as you must've thought I'd handled my break up with Bree, I doubt that it could've compared with how you dealt with Ginny's and my sperm donor, Jerry, abandoning us. I wonder how you would've handled some well-meaning individual forcing you to spend that summer in the same house with Jerry and Belinda Big Tits. Just so you could get over any anger or abandonment issues you might've had.

"You see, Mother, I remember a little of what you were like when we first came to Brownwood. I also remember all the tears and screaming when you first started dating Dad. At least he allowed you to work out your issues at your own pace.

"I also remember that you didn't find it necessary to

intervene

when Ginny was trying her best to destroy her engagement with Hector. Why was that Mother? Why didn't you get in the middle of her relationship but had no trouble interfering in mine?"

Allie and Ginny were silent since all three already knew the answer. Mother and daughter were so much alike that what few fights they'd had over the years were monumental meltdowns.

"I've got to think it's because Ginny would've told you to go to hell, while I... well that's not something I'd ever do, right? With me, you must've felt free to try to manipulate me to do whatever you thought was best. However, last time I checked I wasn't twelve anymore. So tell me, who the hell gave you the right to make those kinds of decisions for me and my family?"

"Well," Allie responded cautiously, "I

am

your mother and right now you are acting like a child."

"And you're acting like a manipulative bitch."

Both women gasped

"I don't-" Ginny started.

"I would shut the hell up, little sister," Zach snarled. "You're one sarcastic comment away from losing both a brother and a niece."

Allie reached over and touched Ginny's arm. Ginny saw the concerned look on Allie's face and remained silent.

"You asked me yesterday what I was doing," Zach said coldly. "What I'm doing is cleaning house. To start with, Shannon and I will be going away for a while."

"Zach," Allie said, her voice trembling. "Don't take my little girl from me."

"You still don't get it do you, Mom? She's not your little girl, she's mine! And I'll be damned if I end up having to fight you for her. I'm her father and you're

not

her mother.

"Now, as I was saying, we'll be gone for at least a month, maybe longer. I have an onsite project down in Florida."

"But who's going to watch her?" Allie asked quietly. "If you need she could stay—"

"Are you even listening to yourself?" he said, cutting her off. "What part of stay the hell out of our lives aren't you getting?"

His mother's face paled as tears ran down her cheeks.

"The place we're going has a company condo they use for guests. They also have a daycare onsite so I'll be close to Shannon all day. Like I said, the project should last at least a month, maybe two. By that time, I should've made some decisions about our future. It's possible I may choose to stay down there but whatever I decide, I'll be taking back control of my life. I'll be making choices for us and I won't be fighting my mother or sister over every little decision they don't agree with. Now, I'm sure you both have questions or comments?"

"What, now you'll let us speak?" Ginny spat sarcastically.

"Sure, as long as what you have to say is constructive. I'm not going to sit and argue with you though. If you're just going to bitch, then this meeting is over. I'll give you a piece of advice. The first thing that should've come out of your mouths during all this was 'I'm sorry.' Of course that phrase isn't one the women in our family seem to be familiar with. I would, however, encourage you to learn it before you destroy any more of your relationships."

Both women spent the next thirty minutes expressing their concerns and fears with his announcement. Surprisingly, it was done without too much drama. In the end it was Allie who looked at her son with tears in her eyes and asked the question that ended the evening.

"There isn't anything we can say to change your mind is there?"

His response was flat and detached.

"Not a damn thing."

****

The trip to St. Petersburg was smooth and Zach and Shannon settled into their guest condo quickly. The late summer weather and the beautiful surroundings helped ease any homesickness Zach had.

Within a week, he'd received three emails. The first was from his mother, apologizing and begging him to sit down and talk to her. The second was from Ginny, a short contrite apology. He didn't respond to either of these initially.

The third was from Bree.

Dear Zach,

I'm so very sorry all this happened. I know it seems like I keep saying that again and again but it's true. This isn't what I planned or even considered happening when I came back to Brownwood. Things just seemed to go to shit quickly didn't they?

You told me that I didn't have any idea how badly I'd hurt you and you were right. I know that now. The Zach I knew could never have done what you did to me. What breaks my heart is that I know I'm the one who helped make you that way.

Zach, you hurt me in a way I didn't think was possible anymore. I know I'll be able to someday forgive you but like they say, forgetting may never happen. I hope in time I'll be able to forgive myself for all those foolish things I've done that helped ruin a man I once loved.

I really do wish the best for you. I hope one day that you heal that hole in your heart. You've so much to give and I pray you find it again someday.

Before I close, I need to say one more thing. I know this request won't mean anything but I have to try because it's too important. For both you and Shannon, I would ask that you reconsider your relationship with your mother.

She took a chance on some things she believed were worth taking the risk for and now she's paying the price. She gambled and lost, although I'm sure she never realized how much she could lose. I can speak from experience about that. Unfortunately, her loss affects both you and Shannon.

I ask you to look at the reasons behind the things she did. I'm not trying to justify her actions, but I believe her heart, for doing those things, wasn't selfish or evil. I'm asking you to consider it, please.

I'm headed back to California to start my life over. I'd like to say I'll miss you but right now I can't say that. I really can't wait to put as much of this nightmare behind me as possible. I will however miss Shannon. Please tell her goodbye for me? I hope one day that I'll be able to find someone that precious to call me 'Mom.'

Bree

Bree's letter brought up issues he knew he'd soon have to address, not only for himself but for Shannon as well. During the next two months, those issues became evident with two instances, one at Disneyland and the other on St. Pete's Beach.

When Zach had first arrived, he'd met with Howard Peterson, the project manager he'd been sent to work with. Howard and Zach had dealt with each other in the past via the phone but really gelled as a team when working face-to-face. By Zach's third week there, the project was flying again and the atmosphere around the office was much more relaxed.

That weekend, Howard and his wife Sheila had convinced Zach to let them watch Shannon for the day to allow him to see the local sights. Their daughter, Kayla, had offered to give him a tour of the city. It helped that Kayla was a pretty little brunette who had started her senior year at the University of Central Florida.

Kayla and Zach had a wonderful time exploring the city, so much so they ended up sampling the local nightlife. A night of dancing and drinks led to the couple having a serious make-out session.

The next weekend, he and Shannon had gone to Disneyland with the Peterson family. The day was full of fun and laughter but Zach felt his attention had been continuously torn between Shannon and Kayla.

A perfect example was when they entered the park. Shannon had gotten a glimpse of Ariel, the Little Mermaid. "Bee!" she'd squealed. Zach had told the others that Bee had been her babysitter. He was surprised at the number of times Shannon spotted the Little Mermaid. He'd noticed however that every time Shannon shouted out that name, Kayla pulled him closer.

A week later, Zach found himself walking hand-in-hand with Kayla along St. Pete's Beach. The mixture of the beautiful tranquil Gulf Shore and the party atmosphere of the bars and live music led to a magical evening.

Zach realized two things that night. The first was sex on the beach with a young, pretty coed, while exciting, has one major drawback... sand. It had the ability to get everywhere!

The other was that the nightlife scene, while fun on occasion, held no real draw for him. It was obvious he desired a woman with more maturity than was normally found in that lifestyle. He knew there wasn't a future with Kayla and she must've realized it as well since she stopped coming home on the weekends to see him.

Come on man,

he chuckled to himself,

she's only 22. What did you expect, for her to be ready to be a wife and a mother of a three-year-old?

He knew the type of woman he was looking for. What he wanted was someone like Bree. While that was obvious to most everyone who knew him, for Zach it was an epiphany. He knew Shannon missed Bree and he admitted to himself that he did too. He needed to decide on how to handle his confusing, and often frustrating relationship with her.

He also needed to figure out what to do about his mother. Shannon needed a good female influence in her life and Allie, even with her faults, was one of the best role models he knew.

A couple of weeks later, Kayla's mother cornered him.

"I heard Kayla has started dating a young man at college," she started, fishing for a response.

"Good, I'm truly happy for her. I hope he realizes what a lucky guy he is."

Sheila smiled.

"You don't seem too broken up about it."

"Sheila," he said cautiously, "Kayla is a wonderful girl—"

"But she's still just a girl, right?" she interjected.

Zach smiled and nodded.

"A very special girl, just at a very wrong time," he said gently.

She stared at him for a moment and then grinned.

"It wouldn't have anything to do with Bee, the babysitter, would it?"

He looked uncomfortable.

"Relax, Mr. Morgan. Your secret is safe with me."

She looked at him and couldn't contain her laugh.

"Well, me and Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck and the other several thousand Disneyland visitors that day! Every time your little girl yelled out that name it was written all over your face. It was so obvious that even my sweet but self-obsessed daughter could see it!"

Zach flinched and his body tensed. He watched as her smile faded.

"She must've hurt you very badly," she said softly.

He nodded.

"And then I returned the favor," he said in a voice as pained as the look on his face.

"I'm so sorry, Zach," she said.

"Me too."

****

Zach heard her before he even saw her. He recognized Susan's moans and the sound of her panting as she neared her climax. Opening his eyes, he watched her blonde curls bounce in rhythm with her big, beautiful breasts as she rode herself to another orgasm. Slowly she came down from her sexual high, looked deep into his eyes and began to giggle. Soon her giggling turned into laughter. Slowly that laughter began to turn ugly.

"What?" she sneered. "Did you really think someone like you would ever end up happily married to someone like me? Get real, Zach, you're just a stepping stone! You're just a warm body to hold us until we find a real man who's worthy of us!"

Zach was frozen as his surroundings came into focus. He stood at the foot of his bed, staring at his wife as she straddled some unrecognizable man. Her mocking brought him out of his stupor.

"Bree was right to leave you for someone better, someone who could fulfill her. Did you really believe someone like me or Bree could ever truly love someone like you?"

Susan laughed.

"Like some average Joe could ever keep us satisfied? You pathetic wimp! You couldn't satisfy her in college and you had to get me pregnant so I'd marry you. How big of a loser does that make you?"

Zach struck without thinking. He backhanded Susan across her face, knocking her naked form to the floor. She looked up at him with pure hatred in her eyes and began to taunt him. He pushed her onto her back and straddled her.

"What, are you going to rape me too? Is that the only way you can get a beautiful woman? What are you, too cheap to go buy one?"

Her laughter turned maniacal as he slapped her again and again.

"You pathetic piece of shit!" she screamed. "Your dad must've died in shame knowing what a poor excuse for a man he'd raised. Didn't your mother teach you how to satisfy a woman? Maybe she should've pulled out her strap-on and showed you what a little bitch you really are!"

Zach's fury overwhelmed him as his slaps turned into punches. Susan helplessly covered her face against his onslaught. Her hysterical laughter turned into incoherent weeping as her yellow curls were splattered with drops of blood. Through her muffled sobs, Zach began to make out her words.