It has been exactly four years now since my wife Jennifer passed on. As the anniversary had approached again my depression, never far away, deepened markedly. But yesterday, the anniversary of the day I had lost her, was the worst. Most of the time I could deal with the sense of loss, but yesterday it nearly overwhelmed me. Alison, our thirteen year old daughter, tried her very best to shake me out of it but to no avail. This morning was better, despite a lack of sleep on my part, but Ali still couldn't cheer me up. She had gone next door to talk to Rachel, our neighbour, a twenty four year old who had recently moved back into her parent's house. Ali and Ray had always got on despite the difference in their ages, almost as sisters. Ali must have been desperate though to do what she did, I hadn't realised how my mood had been affecting her.
I was sitting staring at the kitchen wall when they came in, Ali pulling Ray behind her. They both sat opposite me. I could see something was worrying my daughter by the look in her eyes and the way she held tightly onto Ray's hand.
"What's the matter sweetie?" I asked.
"Dad." She faltered immediately. Ray squeezed her hand and nodded encouragingly. "Daddy, I've been thinking. I hate it when you're like this, so I went and asked Ray and she reckons I'm right. You need to cheer up. So I think....I think you need.... a girlfriend!"
She was so serious and so obviously sincere that I couldn't laugh.
"I can't princess. Your mom...."
"Mom would want you to be happy dad."
She was right about that. Jenny would have hated seeing me like this, but I was having a hard time letting her go. And what about Ali? She seemed to sense my unasked question.
"I want you to be happy too dad. You need to find someone." She was in dead earnest about this I could tell. I allowed myself to smile a little.
"All right Alison, I'll try, but not today. Today is going to be all for my always special girl. Anywhere you want to go. Go get ready."
She sprang to her feet, a big grin on her face. After a quick hug, kiss and 'thank you', she shot off upstairs. I looked across at Rachel who was also grinning.
"Thank you too Rachel."
"For what?" She shrugged.
"For helping Ali help me. She must trust you a lot to be able to talk about me to you."
"I suppose. She has always been a bit like a little sister to me."
"You realise that I may have to ask you to sit with Ali if I actually get a date?"
"S'all right." She shrugged. "I'm not likely to be doing much for a while anyway."
"Why's that?"
"The last break-up with a boyfriend left me feeling a bit raw. I think I might give the dating thing a rest for a while." She suddenly smiled with a touch of wickedness. "Besides, I can't see a cutie like you having much trouble getting a date."
I blushed.
"Just watch yourself young lady. If things don't go too well I may have to ask YOU out after a statement like that."
"Promises, promises." She laughed and I joined in.
Alison came bouncing down the stairs.
"Can we go look at some shops dad?"
"Hmm. I don't know that I want to spend that much."
"DADDY!" She squealed and then realised I was pulling her leg and kissed me.
"Come on then princess, but no promises." I paused. "No promises for you either Rachel." I said waggling my eyebrows at her. She just laughed. Ali looked from one to the other of us, recognized it was a joke between us and shrugged her shoulders.
-----
For the next few months I dated a few women, but with no real results. That isn't to say I didn't cheer up; some of the dates were enjoyable, but none of them felt like they were going to lead to anything more than an interesting evening in enjoyable company. I had the most fun whenever I took Ali somewhere. It was good to see her smiling again. More and more she asked if Ray could come with us. I had no problem saying 'yes' and she scampered off next door to ask Rachel. I began to notice that although Ray always came when asked she seemed a little uncomfortable around me. I assumed that it was because I was an older guy and that she was worried about accompanying someone obviously older; either that or her seemingly never-ending boy trouble was bothering her. Ali's enthusiasm was always enough to overcome that reticence though, Ray enjoying herself after a while.
-----
It was after one of those trips that I asked Rachel about this apparent shyness when we were having a cup of coffee before she went home.
"Is it me?" I asked.
"Sort of." Ray replied. "But it's mainly me. I can't help wondering what people think when they see us out together, even though Ali is with us."
"I didn't realise being with such an old man was so worrisome for you."
"Oh. I worry about lots of things." She laughed. "I just think I might be hampering you in finding someone you like."
"Don't worry about that Ray." I laughed back. "I'm really only going through the motions for Ali's sake. It makes her happy."
"But you might find someone you like."
"I might I suppose, but Ali is the one who is important. As long as she's happy, I am too. There are less and less days when I feel down. Soon I suspect there will only be three a year."
"Three?"
"Jenny's birthday, our anniversary, and...."
"I think I can guess." She got up to leave. "Thank you for another trip out. It might be the last for a while though."
"Why?"
"My parents want to sell up and move abroad, follow the sun. They're going to look at some properties tomorrow. I'm going to have to find somewhere else to live soon."
"You could..." I started, but she knew what I was going to say and interrupted.
"I can't stop with you and Ali, much as I would like too. It would seem wrong to so many people." She was serious.
"The offer still stands Rachel. Ali wouldn't want me not to make it, and as I said, Ali comes first for me. She always will. That's probably why none of the women I've been seeing seem right. They would have to accept that."
"I know and I wish you luck, but a woman like that will be hard to find."
"I know it." I smiled as we went to the door. "The offer is always there if you need somewhere to stay Rachel."
"I know." She shyly kissed me on the cheek. "And thank you for that." With that she left. I turned around and spied Alison peering through the stair railings.
"What are you smirking at? You are supposed to be in bed you little minx."
