'Tanaya paced backwards and forwards agitatedly in the kitchen for several minutes as she tried to work out what to do and say. Brad was leaning back against the sink watching Brent who was standing just outside the kitchen doorway in the dining room.
She couldn't believe that the two men had actually come to blows in her house; they had only stopped when she had managed to get in between them. Matty had grabbed Brent and pulled him back away from Brad where he was sprawled on the floor while she had literally sat on Brad to stop him getting to his feet and going after Brent.
'Tanaya glanced at her kitchen table where it sat canted to one end. One leg slanting back under the table broken while the other leg was bent at an angle semi detached. The chair Brad had been sitting in was on the floor with the seat broken and the front legs folding in towards the underside of the seat.
"I don't believe it! Youse have broken my kitchen table! And that chair ... that chair is fucked!" 'Tanaya exclaimed angrily.
Brad touched the back of one hand to his bottom lip and pulled his hand away to look at the smear of blood it now sported. He sent a dark glare at Brent where he stood in the other room and Brent grinned back savagely.
"You got it wrong with what you're thinking about Brent and I," 'Tanaya snapped at Brad.
Brad didn't make a reply but he had realised he had it wrong the moment he had been uttering those damned words. Some instinct had told him that 'Tanaya wouldn't have reacted to his lovemaking like she had if she had been involved with another man as well.
"'Tanay' and I share a history. We share something that nothing can diminish." Brent drawled baiting Brad.
'Tanaya turned to glare at Brent but he was busy watching Brad and didn't see the rage and hurt on her face.
"Oh I already figured that out," Brad said insolently.
Brent frowned in anger but glanced away from Brad as 'Tanaya stamped a foot hard with a harsh sound of anger.
"Brent!" 'Tanaya said angrily, she took a deep breath before continuing more mildly, "Matty, go back to your place. I need to talk to Brad and sort this out, once I've said what I have to say then he can please himself whether he stays or gets the fuck out!"
Brent hesitated a moment as 'Tanaya met his eyes and there was a moment of silent communication between them before he turned and headed for the front door.
'Tanaya waited until she heard the front door close behind Matty and Brent before she turned her attention back to Brad.
He was still leaning back against the sink but he kept touching his bottom lip with his fingers gingerly.
'Tanaya pulled an unbroken chair from under the intact end of the table and pushed it towards Brad roughly before sitting down on a chair herself.
"Sit down and shut up and let me say what I got to say. I'll start at the beginning so you can understand everything," 'Tanaya commanded and looked away out the kitchen window at the clouds that were slowly drifting across the blue of the sky.
Brad moved the chair clear of the table that was kneeling like an injured behemoth and sat down gingerly; he watched 'Tanaya warily until she turned her face back towards him.
Her expression was tight and closed as she looked past him and focused on the wall behind him. It was clear that what she was about to tell him pained her greatly.
"I runaway from home on my thirteenth birthday. My mother was part American Indian among other things but that was the heritage she liked to claim; looking back I guess to her it explained her weaknesses. She was an alcoholic who brought home whatever drunken man she was with at the time. I was feeling particularly put upon on my birthday, she was drunk and the bastard she was with didn't like me in the flat when he was there ..." 'Tanaya's voice trailed away for a moment and she cleared her throat before continuing,
"...I went to my best friends place but she was out with her parents for the weekend and only her big brother was home ... I wont go into details but I stayed in his room with him for the weekend and he relieved me of the burden of my virginity. He left for his home in the next town on the Monday, went back to a wife he hadn't bothered to tell me about.
I can't say if it would have made a difference if I had known he was married at the time but he was. I snuck home, grabbed my gear and cleared out. I lived on the streets most of the time for the next year and a half, stealing, going to refuges, whatever I had to do to survive.
My friends brother came across me one weekend, he'd split from his missus and decided on the spot he wanted me.
To cut a long story short I lived with him for nearly six years ... it was bad at times but at least he wanted me and I wasn't on the streets..."
"What's all that got to do..." Brad started to ask.
"I said sit down and shut up! Just listen, while I got the strength to tell you everything!" 'Tanaya snapped and turned away for a few seconds, she took a deep breath then continued.
"Then I met Brent and I left Robby, we were together about three months when Robby found me and dragged me back with him. He belted me so badly I lost the baby I was carrying, I hadn't even known about it until I ended up in hospital from the beating Robby gave me. When I got out of hospital and healed some I ran away, found Brent and we kept running and hiding. I ended up pregnant again, Brent and I were thrilled but we had to stay in one place ... I was too sick to keep moving. I was only about two weeks away from my due date when Robby found me..."
'Tanaya broke off for a few moments and seemed to be finding it hard to swallow.
"Robby had a gun and said if I didn't go with him he'd kill Brent when he got back from work, he made me write a note saying I didn't want him following me and then dragged me to the town where he lived. I knew Brent would look for me no matter what.
Ro...Rob...bee ...Robby was so rough with me that ... my ...I... my water broke while he was fucking me; he refused ... to take me to a doctor or hospital. I ended up having my little girl by myself ... on the bathroom floor. Three days later a neighbour rang the police on us. Robby kept yelling and threatening me because little Amy wouldn't stop crying.
The police called an ambulance; Amy and I were rushed to hospital. Amy had caught an infection from being born on the bathroom floor and I had an infection because not all the afterbirth had come away. While I was in surgery ... Brent had found us and rushed to the hospital, he was holding our little girl when she died ..."
'Tanaya broke off with an audible sob but jerked away when Brad tried to take her hand. She met his gaze with anger filled eyes and looked away once again before continuing.
"... when I came around the doctor said it is very unlikely I will ever be able to have another child because of the damage the infection did and then I found out about my Amy. I blamed Robby but most of all I blamed Brent for not being able to find us. I said a lot of horrible things to him and hated him every time I saw a baby or a small child. Then I met Rory in a bar and woke up one morning in bed with him and sober.
When Amy died something in me died as well, the part that let me love another person. Well I thought it had until I watched some big brute of a guy watch his mate's back while he kicked the arse of some bastard and then I found I had started feeling again."
Brad sat in silence for a few minutes not sure what to say or even if there was anything he could say. He bowed his head and felt tears start to flow down his cheeks. He didn't try to stop the tears as he cried for the little girl who had died before she should have and he cried for the pain 'Tanaya must have felt.
"I can't give you more children but I would never do anything that endangered you seeing Nicky." 'Tanaya said softly.
"You don't hate Brent any longer," Brad said quietly.
"No I don't. I've made my peace with him and every year we go and put flowers on our daughter's grave." 'Tanaya said very faintly. "That bond is still there but I don't love him, at least not that way. I still hate the fact he got to say goodbye to our daughter when I never did; she was buried before I recovered from surgery and the infection."
Brad nodded his head and raised his head to meet her eyes.
'Tanaya smiled a watery smile and Brad got to his feet slowly; he could still feel the wetness from his own tears on his face as he held a hand out to 'Tanaya.
'Tanaya hesitated a moment before letting Brad take her hand and gently tug her closer. She closed her eyes and leant her head against his chest as she realised she was trembling with remembered emotion.
Brad closed his arms around 'Tanaya and shut his own eyes as he held her gently. Suddenly so much about 'Tanaya that had troubled him made sense; she flirted incessantly with men because she had no self-confidence. Never having had a chance to grow emotionally because of a dysfunctional family and then an abusive relationship. She no doubt believed herself un loveable.
Of course she would feel threatened by Janey. Not only was Janey quite beautiful but she also had his son; something 'Tanaya would never be able to do.
"My brave and beautiful woman," Brad murmured softly.
"I'm not either," 'Tanaya denied and Brad could tell she really believed it.
"Well to me I see you as beautiful and you just showed me how brave you are," he said softly before he brushed a kiss beside her mouth. "and sexy as hell."
The next kiss was slow and sweet, gently brushing lips together in long lingering caresses. When Brad finally lifted his head 'Tanaya was clinging to him and he slipped an arm behind her knees to scoop her up into his arms and carry her to her room.
'Tanaya rested her head against his shoulder as he carried her into her room and placed her gently on her bed; he knelt at the edge of the bed and gently lifted her face to meet his eyes.
"Have you had something to eat?" He asked her.
"I'm fine, I had a sandwich earlier. Are you hungry?" 'Tanaya asked as she went to get off the bed.
"Don't worry about me, I'm not hungry for food." Brad said huskily as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you feel up to talking more?" he asked softly as he took hold of both of her hands.
"Not really but I think we really do need to talk about things more," 'Tanaya said as she lay back against her pillow with a sigh.
Brad brushed his thumbs over the back of her fingers as he tried to make out her expression in the dim light. He released her hands and got to his feet slowly; he was starting to feel the results of the fights with Brent.
"I'll just go and get us some cold soda's and then come back. Is there anything you want?" Brad asked softly.
