Disclaimer
: This is a work of fiction, and it was created solely by me as the author. Any similarities to characters, businesses, places, or things are all happenstance, though my appreciation to those who have
inspired
my works is immense.
Author's Note
: This entire series is based on the same characters, places, and general situations, but will be shared in the form of five different versions. I'm hoping you'll appreciate the various approaches as they are posted. And be aware, some versions go into certain details more than others, so remaining calm and awaiting the next installment may be necessary, but I assure you, it'll be worth it. Questions and comments are welcome. I hope everyone will be kind.
I've included a recap, and here's a hint (for those who read these notes all the way through): This part begins from Tommy's POV.
Recap: "Did you and Mark sleep like this?"
"No, he liked his space," I answered. "This whole thing with you has been different for me, so I rarely think about him like that. 'Oh, Mark used to do that too' or 'Huh... Mark did this or preferred that,' aren't things I even think about when I'm with you or even when I'm not with you. You're a different person. I'm in a different place in my life. I respond and react to you because it's you. So, you've been a lot of my firsts, actually."
"Huh. So, you're saying there are some firsts out there still to be had which you can experience with me?" Tommy asked with confidence. "Maybe you'll get over your whole 'find someone else' thing?"
"What? No, those aren't the firsts I'm talking about," I told him and sighed. "Stop that. You know what I mean, Tom. And I don't think it's about getting over it. You deserve someone who will share the big ones with you. You should have that. Like I had said that first time we talked about it. I'm used goods. I'm old news."
We got up and had breakfast, and to my surprise (and relief), he decided to go home because he'd been gone over a week and needed to check mail and reacquaint himself with his place and the family again. I laughed lightheartedly at his comment and kissed him goodbye. Things were awkward, and I had the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hated this. When I saw that my period had come, I thought maybe the pain was from that. It turned out, my period had nothing to do with it.
BMB: Version 5-4
With each day of Trin's period, a distance was put between us like I'd not seen before. She spoke little, she smiled less, and I didn't know if it was because she was upset that we had to stop having sex or if she was mad at me about it. Or maybe she was mad at me about something else. I had no idea, and I was afraid to ask.
I'd never been in a situation like this before. Oh, sure. I'd had past girlfriends who'd gotten mad or given me the silent treatment. Twice, I'd had different girlfriends say they needed a break or were "giving me time to think about things." Both times, I was none the wiser, so we'd broken up. No skin off my nose.
But this was different. This was Trin. And for the first time ever, I deeply cared for someone, and it really did matter to me that she was putting distance between us. I wasn't sure where we were going, but I knew I wanted it to be us together, no matter what.
From Christmas Eve until New Year's morning, we made love repeatedly each day and grew closer than any two people; I was sure of it. We talked. We laughed. We spent hours pleasing each other and the rest of the hours each day either sleeping in each other's arms or eating or relaxing. It was all brand new to me. See, with Trin? It mattered to me that she climaxed, that she found her release, that she enjoyed every act I did or that we did together. With the other girls, I got mine and was glad that they had enjoyed it too, but if not... well, maybe next time.
The day I met Trin, I found my future. I knew it. I even mentioned it to her. Each time I said something about it, though, she would laugh it off as a joke. And why wouldn't she? She had just met me. We hit it off and continued to spend time together. She liked me, and I liked her, and that was it. But my desire for her, to be with her, to spend time with her, grew. Soon, I was finding myself thinking about a future with her. And that was something I hadn't done before.
When I'd heard Dougie had introduced Trin to Jeremy, I was livid. It was stupid really. I was just jealous even though I knew Jeremy had cancer and was dying. They'd given him six months last time he was in the hospital. I told Dougie I thought it was a bad idea to introduce them, but he did it anyway.
I wanted Trin for me. I wanted to spend all the time with her, something I had never wanted with anyone else. I had to play it off and realize, too, that being that possessive wasn't healthy either. And when she went to visit Jeremy, she seemed happier. She told me the day after Christmas (before we went to the hotel) that Jeremy was better than a therapist. She felt comfortable speaking with him and enjoyed his company. Who was I to stand in the way of that?
On the day she first told me she was visiting Jeremy, she said something that felt like a slap in the face. She had asked me to keep a look out for a special lady who could possibly be my forever, as in, a woman I might want to marry. She kept talking about firsts. And then she called herself "used."
A week before Christmas, she did it again. She said she had talked to Jeremy, and Jeremy had hinted that there was something I needed to tell her. Then, because I didn't want to share it with her and didn't respond about it, she went on to tell me I needed to find someone to spend my life with. She was having fun and thought the world of me, but could I please look for someone else? She said that she felt she didn't deserve me. She was hoping to see me find my special someone, and she'd happily step aside and be so happy for me when I did. My heart literally hurt after that.
Then came Christmas Eve and she gave herself to me entirely. I was beside myself. She didn't once speak of finding someone else or about her "decision" (She had been calling it that), or about how she was used or how I deserved better. Oh, how I wished she didn't think that way.
On the morning of the first, we made love when we woke up, and then I went home for the first time since Christmas Eve. Trin texted that afternoon that she had gotten her period and that she was going to be bummed to miss out on our amazingly hot sex for the next week. "See you Tuesday," she'd written, and that was that.
She was always busy working on her calendar of ideas or on calls with this place or that. She would often run to Dad's office and sit with him to figure stuff out and then run back to her office and be busy again on the phone or looking stuff up on her computer. On Wednesday, she asked me for a rain check to spend the night without any reason. I nodded, and she left after a quick high five. I had been really looking forward to having a night with her to just hold her again.
That first Thursday after New Year's presented me with the first realization that we were growing apart. She'd made dinner for herself and ate in her office without telling me. She was in there until 9PM on the dot, and then when I came up to greet her since she'd barely spoken to me all week, she rolled her eyes and grabbed her purse harshly from her desk and walked past me to leave. I didn't even get a high five. Later that night, I received a text telling me she was sorry for the abrupt end to our night. "I'm just having a hard time right now. I need some space." How much more space could I give her?
I waited all weekend to text her in hopes to hear from her first. On Sunday, after radio silence, I texted asking how she was and letting her know I missed her.
"Is this about sex? Tom, I need space. I will let you know when I'm ready to talk."
I was stunned and knew something else was going on. I just could not figure out what it was. I tried asking Dougie and Jen, but they didn't seem to have an answer either. I went to see Gram, and she was completely thrown off. I even shared about Christmas Eve and the week after which she seemed to know nothing about. When I told her about the decision Trin had made and told me about prior to Christmas, she reacted differently.
