Having just come from a crazy experience with a kid named Terry, I was feeling a little bit down.
Here I was, a middle aged widow, acting like a silly schoolgirl at the idea of some young fellow giving me what I concede was one fine roll in the hay.
Desperate for companionship, desperate for touch, desperate for love, I lost all control of myself for a few short days.
My husband Tom was gone, lost in what was a stupid accident at his work, and there was no way to ever go back. No way to ever recapture the wild and insane love I felt for that man.
All that remained for a long time were the dreams.
Now my grief was over, it was time to move on.
Having some young fellow bounce me all over the bedroom was fun, and just what I needed. The only problem with that is no matter what I said to myself, I was still not completely in control of my emotions.
So after just one time, a massage that went far beyond that, then the evolution to the next logical step of sex, irrational fantasies came pouring into my head. I was thinking of being with him, all the things we could do together. Terry and me, a couple.
His comment? "Don't say anything, my girlfriend will kill me." This as he dropped me off.
So there it was, perfectly clear. I was a plaything, a sexual conquest. I know I didn't really let my reactions show, my ingrained training in bedside manner as a physician served me well.
So, by God, the truth was that Terry was MY sexual conquest!
At least that is what I told myself, and that was helpful.
I reached out and touched his cheek, smiled. I got out of the car and watched him drive away, knowing he was headed back to his life and his own hopes and dreams.
I took several deep breaths, felt a tear trickle down my cheek. "Get hold of yourself, Sally!" I told myself. All that had been was an orgasm, a spur of the moment joining of two people.
Just a fast fuck, simple as that. I suppose as time passes I am getting less and less ladylike, I do know that several years ago I would not have even typed that word, I certainly would never have spoken it.
Walking into the little nightclub to visit with Pam, I looked over and that man I had noticed before was sitting there. I just marched up to him and said hello. He turned to look at me, a mix of surprise and pleasure in his expression.
"I'm Sally." I smiled at him pointing at the stool next to him.
"Carlton." He answered, and he actually shook my hand, stood up to hold the seat for me.
"So do I call you Carl for short?" I asked, just making conversation.
"No. My name is Carlton!" His voice took on a slight edge.
"Well, excuse me, asshole!" I thought.
"Oh, OK. Carlton, that's a nice name." I said, smiling sweetly.
He nodded, took a sip of his drink. I sat there for awhile, he said nothing. After a few minutes, I began to wonder, Carlton was not exactly an amazing conversationalist.
I asked him what he did, saw his hesitation.
"Accountant, for a construction company."
"My late husband ran a construction company, I am a Doctor." I told him. I managed to get the hint that "I might be available and I am not a hooker" with that comment in there in one short sentence.
He just nodded.
I had myself slightly turned towards him, I let my left shoulder slip forward enough that I knew he could see a nice bit of my cleavage. I saw his eyes drop down and quickly back up. Then he looked away.
I was wondering what it took with this guy. I looked him over carefully, there was a slight gray at his temple, his clothing was expensive and in style. He had on a leather jacket, one of those with a brushed look to it.
All in all, a fine looking man. A fine looking man who was paying little if any attention to me, also. I had begun to notice more men paying attention to me, I liked that.
Maybe just shy, I thought? I let out a quiet sigh. He turned and looked at me.
"Is something wrong?" He asked me.
"No, not really. I am just feeling down." Then I began to pour it out of me, Carlton sat there and listened quietly as I told him about how I had been married but lost my man in an accident nearly a year before. I barely managed to keep myself from blurting out my frustrations at the recent incident with Terry.
"That's too bad." He said politely when I managed to stop my silly yammering.
"I know how it feels, my wife wasn't there when...I got back."
"Got back?" I asked.
"Yes, I was in the mid east, we were apart for a very long time and I guess it was too much for her."
"Oh, I am sorry."
Carlton looked at me, just nodded.
"I have seen you in here before." That was matter of fact.
"Yes, I come in to chat with Pam." I glanced her direction, she was pointedly pretending to ignore us but I knew her much better than that.
He offered another nod.
After a few awkward moments of silence, I excused myself, went down to the end of the bar to visit with Pam. She worked her way down to me.
"What's up?" She grinned, glancing back at the man who still sat there quietly.
"Not much." I told her about how it went with Terry.
"Kids, fun to play with but you sure don't want one to keep." She laughed.
"Yes, probably true. Hey, how about making me a Kahlua and Creme?"
The drink appeared almost before the words left my mouth. I seldom drink but I was in the mood. I was halfway through it when two young men came in. They looked around, spotted a couple sitting at one of the tables. There was some short conversation, the man sitting there got up and things got very loud all of a sudden. The man that was sitting there was knocked down and the other man started kicking him, then I saw one of them reach out and jerk the woman to her feet. His hand drew back to slap her as she tried to put an arm up to protect herself.
The blow never landed, Carlton slid off his bar stool and stopped it. He didn't actually seem to leap or move suddenly, it was just a flow of unwasted motion and he was there. Both men turned to him, there were some words I didn't quite get, a flurry of movement and both of them were on the floor.
The man they had attacked managed to get to his feet, he and the young woman left in a hurry. Carlton just picked up the chairs and set them back by the table, turned and went back to his stool.
I looked back in time to see Pam set the phone down.
"What was all of that?" I asked her.
"I think she was dating one of them and then the other is all. Wow, did you see what that guy just did?"
Actually, I hadn't really, it was all too fast. I looked back down the bar just in time to see the one man head for Carlton again, the other one was just getting to his feet. Carlton set his drink down, it was almost like in slow motion, then he turned on his stool and reached out, stopping the man's fist in midair. The other one was to his feet and just starting to step that way also when Carlton's hand flashed out and the first man went down again.
The second man came to a stop, looked down at his friend. He held his hands up, palms out.
"Time to go." Carlton said simply. The man nodded and helped the other one to his feet. They left, Carlton looked our way.
"Sorry, ladies." Then he sat back down. I swear he was blushing.
I realized he reminded me of someone, a ghost from the past. My friend Lee's husband Ted had a past, one I never knew anything about really but I had met him, and I had heard a few stories. There was that same attitude of complete confidence about this man.
"Who is that guy?" I asked Pam.
"I'm not sure, honey, but he sure is one hunk of a man." She grinned at me, leaned in and whispered, "You should go get yourself some of that!".
