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Copyright Oggbashan March 2005
The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons.
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I wasn't paying attention to the announcements just before the coffee break. I heard the Chairman say something about the need to help the RSPB. I knew that RSPB stood for Royal Society for Protection of Birds. That was about all I knew. The only birds I was interested in did not have feathers. I thought I'd be able to talk to Heather during the coffee break.
The Chairman banged his gavel angrily.
"You weren't listening!" he shouted. "That does it! Anyone not volunteering to help with this project will forfeit their membership. We all have to help."
Now I was paying attention. I had only recently joined this Environmental Club because my friend George had told me there were some good-looking female members. There were and I was just beginning to get to talk to some of them. I didn't want to be ejected from the club now.
"After coffee I will produce the schedule," the chairman continued. "If the times are not suitable it is up to you to find someone to swap with. Our duties start at 6pm so if you are due to watching tonight you should move fast if that isn't feasible."
He threw the gavel down on the table and stalked off. We adjourned for coffee. I did get to talk to Heather. I talked to a lot of other angry people as well. The general opinion was that the Chairman was taking too much for granted. We might be environmentalists, or the others might be: I was there for the company not for the environment, but we had lives beyond our environmental concerns.
The Chairman pinned the hastily written schedule on the notice board. We all crowded round it. Heather was by my side and leaning against me in the crush. I was more conscious of her slim body pressing against mine than I was of the implications of the schedule. She had wriggled her head between the men blocking my view.
"Look, Derek," Heather hissed into my ear. "You are on for a night from midnight until 8am."
Then she giggled.
"I don't think you'll like your partner."
I still couldn't see the board.
"Who is it?"
"Alfred."
My heart sank. The club's worst bore and the oldest member. He could talk for his country without saying anything anyone wanted to hear. Eight hours with him would be torture. I couldn't exchange that duty. No one would willingly choose to spend time with Alfred.
"What about you?" I asked.
"I've got Sunday afternoon and evening from 1 o'clock to 9. With Janice."
"Oh."
What could I say? If Heather wasn't interested in me, Janice would be my next choice. Both of them were attractive. Both of them had intelligence and personality and important to me, a healthy scepticism about the fanatics in the club.
"What exactly are we supposed to be doing for the RSPB?" I asked.
"Looking after a rare bird's nest. You weren't listening, were you?"
"No. Were you?"
"No but Janice was. She told me just before you joined us."
"What's so important?"
"This pair of birds rarely nests in England. An egg-collector would pay thousands of pounds for the eggs. And the birds are rare anywhere. There are very few of them in the world."
"How do you know all that? From Janice?"
"No. I've just read it off the notice board."
The crowd was thinning. I could see the notice and my name bracketed with Alfred's. What had I done to annoy the Chairman? He barely knew me. And there was Alfred standing by the board looking as if he'd won a major lottery prize. He looked at me with his eyes shining.
"Derek," he squeaked, "We are honoured, you and I. Do you realise that we will be watching at the dawn of Earth Day? A significant day for the world and we will be doing our little part towards it."
"Is it?"
"Is it what, Derek?"
"Earth Day. I hadn't realised."
"It is. That very day and we shall see its dawn, here, in our countryside..."
"I suppose so."
"You don't share my excitement?"
Alfred looked hurt.
"I might be excited if there were to be something to see, Alfred. Dawn on Earth Day is much like any other dawn. I doubt that the Earth will even know that it is Earth Day."
"True, Derek, true. Earth Day is a man-made idea and a fairly recent one. Doesn't it thrill you that thousands of people throughout the world will be joining in the celebrations?"
"If they had something to celebrate, Alfred, I'd be surprised. I thought that Earth Day was about trying to stop damage and destruction of the environment..."
I thought that might stop Alfred. I might as well have tried to stop a charging elephant. Eventually Heather dragged me away with some excuse about a prior appointment. That lifted my spirits, not just because I was away from Alfred but because Heather cared enough to extricate me. I hadn't expected that.
I followed her out of the hall and across the road. She was moving fast.
"Where are we going?" I asked. My car was still in the hall's car park.
"To the Royal Oak," she replied. "You'll be safe from Alfred there. He's teetotal and vegan and they have a barbecue today."
That would deter Alfred. He gave teetotallers and vegans a bad name. I have known people who were one or the other or even both without being boring idiots. He'd drive a teetotaller to drink and a vegan to roast pork with crackling.
As we entered the pub Heather took my hand to drag me through the bar to a small room at the back. It was full of most of the desirable women from the club. We were greeted with ironic cheers.
"Well done, Heather," one of them shouted. "You saved one from Alfred."
I enjoyed that lunchtime. The women seemed as annoyed as I was about the Chairman's high-handedness. The roster had put women together except for married couples. The single men such as Alfred and me had the nighttime shifts. There were remarks such as 'sexist' and 'unfair' and several suggested whom they would like to share their duties with. I might have been surprised at the directness of the language except that I have two older sisters.
I managed to ask Heather for a date as we left. She didn't say yes; she didn't say no. She implied that it might be a possibility once the bird watching was over. I did get a peck on the cheek as she left and her hand stroked mine.
"Wait and see, Derek. I have plans for the next week or so, including Earth Day. You never know what might happen."
On the eve of Earth Day I prepared myself for the ordeal of a night with Alfred. I had my music player and earphones. Even if he droned on all- night I might be able to blot him out.
The RSPB were being very secretive about the location of the birds' nest. We would be collected from the Royal Oak's car park by a van and put in the back so we couldn't see as we were driven to the nearest track. From there we would be led by an RSPB member to the hide to relieve the previous couple.
I arrived about ten minutes early. I was surprised that Alfred wasn't there before me. He was always early for meetings so that he could inflict his boring conversation on any other arrivals. At the due time the van turned up. The front seat passenger opened the side door. I climbed in to the dark interior. As I put my backpack down a pair of warm lips met mine.
"Surprise!" said Heather's voice as her lips pulled away.
"How...?" I asked.
"I persuaded the Chairman that Alfred deserved a time away representing the group at an Earth Day convention in Scarborough or Skegness or wherever it is. I volunteered to replace Alfred tonight so that he could go. He will be boring the delegates, not you. Are you pleased?"
"Yes."
"Good. I hope you will enjoy a night with me better than one with Alfred."
"I'm sure I will."
The journey didn't take long. The last few minutes were uncomfortable as we were thrown about inside the van as it drove slowly down a rough track. The side door opened. This time an interior light shone on us. Heather winked at me. She'd just switched the light back on. We could have been snuggling effectively instead of groping for each other in the dark. Now I could see that Heather was wearing a padded coat over full sweatsuit bottoms and furry boots.
"OK," said the RSPB guide. "Keep very quiet and make as little noise as possible. We have about two hundred yards to go."
He shone a small torch on the ground.
"Follow the light," he ordered.
It was difficult to keep up with him. It was a cloudy damp night and the ground was uneven. I was holding Heather's hand and pulling her along.
There were faint whispers as the guide met the previous watchers at the entrance to the hide. He turned to us, lifting the sackcloth over the entrance.
"Come in, quietly. Then you can put your torches on."
We ducked under a branch. He shone the torch around the interior. There were two folding chairs, a video recorder blinking on a small picnic table, a couple of pairs of binoculars resting on a shelf opposite the entrance and a large battery in a corner. It looked very spartan.
He lifted some sacking behind the shelf to reveal a slit. He lowered the sacking gently.
"That's where the birds are," he whispered. "About thirty feet away. All you have to do tonight is make sure that no humans come near. If you hear anyone, dial the police emergency number – this one."
He pointed to a large notice over the shelf.
"You tell them that you are from the RSPB on nest watch and give them the location..."
"But we don't know where we are!" I protested.
"...given in this sealed envelope."
He pointed at an envelope pinned beside the telephone number.
"You tell them that there is a suspected egg-poacher in the vicinity. They should do the rest. OK?"
"Yes," we chorused.
"When it is daylight you should record the comings and goings of the birds and anything that happens. That's it until you are relieved. Do you follow that?"
